House guests

[Nicnac12]

DH was talking to his friend who lives abroad and who he has known for 30 years. She mentioned she is coming to the UK and Europe in Spring with a friend of hers who he doesn’t know; he told her they can come and stay with us whilst in the UK. He never asked me what I thought but just told me in passing. We do have a 4 bed house, however the 4th bedroom is my office (work from home) and I just don’t feel comfortable having his friend come and stay with someone we don’t know. I don’t like people staying at the best of times as I feel I need to run around, cook, clean etc and I just want to relax in the evenings. Should I just suck it up. If the situation was reversed I would have asked him what he thought before offering. We also do not live that close to London - would need to drive to a station or they would need to take a bus - 30mins to station and 50mins to London. I feel either we will need to drive them to and from the station/ and of take time off work. Not sure why they can’t stay in London and we can go see them for a day. The holiday is not planned around the friend coming to see my DH.

No, don't go along with it if you don't want to. He was out of order to make this offer, I'd be fuming. I hate having guests and find it very stressful. Tell your husband that his friend will need hotel details as you have been under pressure recently and are not up to it.

Yep!

Thank you ladies! I took the advice of some and told my husband that firstly I would prefer if we discuss if we want to have guests stay, secondly that I am not comfortable to have someone neither of us know in our house and thirdly that I will be working, kids will be at school and unlike when we have planned family/ friends coming to stay, just having people stay because they happen to be travelling is not practical when our lives are hectic and the spare room is my office. He seemed to get it and will let his friend know. Thanks again!

Does this mean he’s withdrawing the invitation (hoping so!)?

You're unreasonable.

It's your DH's house as well. I always offer my house for friends and family. I would be very upset if my DH demanded permission to invite friends over. It is very normal that his friend will travel with a companion.

Let the guests sort themselves out, let them cook their food. I would just keep the fridge full. You don't have to take them out or take them to the station every time.

Great outcome, OP!

Great update 👍

It's sad that our culture seems to be less hospitable than others. Yes, there are several practical concerns with this visit but I think that there are wider family issues which are making it more complicated and maybe need looking at. Can the children not make their own breakfasts/ lunches? Can you not have a break from calls whilst driving them to school, seems sad you aren't able to be present for them during this time, often a time when children open up. Children won't be harmed by sharing for a couple of nights.
We have enjoyed hosting many people, including a family of 8 ( on blow up beds and cushions on the floor) we met at church who were touring, a friend of a friend travelling the world and her friend. We have always benefitted , even if there has been some minor inconvenience. We have also appreciated warm hospitality when travelling too. Our society is so fractured and isolated, I want my kids to know it's good to be hospitable.

Wait, what? That's madness. Wouldn't work for me at all and obviously not for OP.

OP's DH just didn't think things through and didn't intend to cause a diplomatic incident. I am sure the visitors can sort themselves out. Maybe they also felt uncomfortable about it and were being polite.

All's well that ends well.

It's sad that our culture seems to be less hospitable than others

But that's really not the issue here, is it @horseymum? The issue is that the OP's husband has made the decision to invite these people before/without consulting the OP. And without taking into account the inconvenience of having people to stay while she's supposed to be working.

We have enjoyed hosting many people, including a family of 8 ( on blow up beds and cushions on the floor) we met at church who were touring, a friend of a friend travelling the world and her friend. We have always benefitted , even if there has been some minor inconvenience. We have also appreciated warm hospitality when travelling too. Our society is so fractured and isolated, I want my kids to know it's good to be hospitable.

if you can host an extra 8 people, you probably have a larger house than most and won’t appreciate the OP’s issue around the lack of bedrooms. And I’m just trying to imagine working from home with 8 guests ……

A bit off the point of the thread, but you have a child who's old enough to be doing their GCSEs who can't make their own lunch box in the morning?!

Are you trying to weaken the OP’s argument with something like that?

@StripeyDeckchair

well that's one way to ensure they don't come to stay.

Well done OP. Hopefully this incident also means he'll think next time before he just offers up accommodation in your family home (especially without proper details) to other people, and offering up your workspace as well.

With regard to those careless people who caused damage to your home and did nothing to recompense you for the costs (did they at least apologise?) have you discussed whether or not they're welcome to return? 🌹

I guess it depends on the person and how hospitable they are.

However, if the OP was a woman saying that the husband was forbidding her friends to stay over, people would go crazy here. I'm just saying, both have rights to the house.

If the OP had invited two people to stay over in the DH’s office where he worked from home, I can’t imagine many people ‘going crazy’, no.

Cherry35 - nobody is forbidding friends over, like I said if it was the other way around I would discuss before invite. Slightly different having people over for day/ evening for staying nights in a house. The impact of guests staying for days can have a toll and in my opinion should be discussed. Also he doesn’t know 1 of the people so it makes it feel more awkward for me. I am so happy so many people would open their house to a stranger and be so hospitable it really is very heartwarming. Also if the shoe was reversed I would never offer up a work space without discussing especially as I would know he works over 12 hour days in a very demanding job, but thankfully this has now been sorted.

I think you've handled it well. Just be on the ball from now on. Everything she begs to have him over say, no. Stand firm.

Thats fine if you feel comfirtable sharing your space with a complete stranger but the OP isn't.
Also if you work from home and deal with sensitive issues that should not be overheard, then having 2 house guests stay whilst still working would be very inconvient considering the OP has to deal with issues outwith normal office hours and the guests would be having to sleep in the OP's office space.
Her husband is an idiot for making the offer in the first place without discussing what impact it would have on the OP and possibly their children.

Every time his friends or family come something breaks last time it was the sink and toilet, which cost me £300 to fix and coordinate the plumber for. Time before the

You need to grow a pair of balls and not let people take advantage of you.

How come it's YOUR problem to fix??! Sorry to sound harsh OP but I'm furious on your behalf cos I've been there