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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is this not rude?

35 replies

StephanieLampshade · 31/12/2023 15:05

Ran a 10k race this morning. I've only been running about 15 months. I've done three races in December as well as training.

Texted friend: Finished 3rd out of 8 in my age group

Friend replied:Fab. You must be pleased especially as you hardly train . Just think how fast you could be ( if that is what you want ) if you were training assiduously.

Probably exhaustion (I'm late 40s) but this made almost burst into tears.

I have been training! I work full time and my friend doesn't.

Am I being completely oversensitive here?

OP posts:

milesmachine · 31/12/2023 15:07

Not over sensitive at all and reads very rude. Is she usually like this OP?

And well done by the way!

manoffthelead · 31/12/2023 15:09

It is more daft than rude. Tell her you do train, and that if she fancies getting fit in the coming year, you'd be happy to show her the ropes.

Cheeesus · 31/12/2023 15:10

She sounds like she has some reason to think you hardly train. Or she feels she’s doing more than you. Something going on there!

Mumof2teens79 · 31/12/2023 15:10

Its just a different view....is she fairly elite? Its intended as a compliment but also encouragement

How often do you train? Pro would train twoce daily.
Serious runner daily.
if you "only" manage 1-3 times a week because of other commitments thats fine, but she is saying if you had time to train full time you would be even better.

3 races in December is a lot to be fair

BCBird · 31/12/2023 15:11

You go girl. Ignore the comment

Original poster

StephanieLampshade · 31/12/2023 15:11

Thanks. I am crying now which is ridiculous and I think more a reflection of how I feel about 2023!!!

She is blunt and no nonsense but does care.

I haven't replied and it's a couple of hours ago now. Don't want to get into an argument as to what constitutes training assiduously!

OP posts:

Pandajane · 31/12/2023 15:12

Firstly, we'll done! That is amazing progress for 15months. Secondly, nope, YANBU your friend is rude bitch! If anything, I'd tell you to slow your pace a bit - 3 races in one month is a lot and you don'twant to end up with an injury. You clearly have been training 'assiduously' or you wouldn't even be able to run 10k never mind place in a race! Ignore her, she's either ignorant, or a nasty-ass jealous cow.

HoldMeCloserTonyDancer · 31/12/2023 15:12

Sounds like jealousy to me. You’ve done incredibly well and she can’t stand it.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 31/12/2023 15:15

Its just a different view....is she fairly elite? Its intended as a compliment but also encouragement

Nah its just rude IMO!

OP was clearly pleased with herself and the reply comes across as "could do better"

persisted · 31/12/2023 15:16

She is rude, people are sadly often disappointing.

When I ran my first half marathon my mother asked me 'what's the point?'
I have never discussed running with her again.

Serene135 · 31/12/2023 15:17

I’ve read the message a different way and don’t find it offensive at all. I’m sure she knows that you work full time so what she is saying is that you did really well considering you hardly train (because you work etc) and that you would be absolutely amazing if you had time to train more. To me the message is implying that you have a natural talent for running.

Cosmosforbreakfast · 31/12/2023 15:18

That was rude and very grudging. People can be blunt and no nonsense without being rude or belittling like that, she could have said 'Fab, you must be pleased' and left it at that. I wouldn't bother replying to her or getting into a discussion with her about it. She might like to belittle people to make herself feel good. Ignore it and enjoy your achievements! Next time don't include her in your messages.

Mantling · 31/12/2023 15:19

Your response sounds entirely disproportionate — why did it upset you so much? Why would her estimation of your training schedule matter?

I have friends who do extreme ultramarathons. One has arranged his entire life around his training — his job (dropped out of industry and runs a hostel and outward bound centre he can leave to staff when he’s racing), his decision to be single and childfree, his eating and sleeping times, amounts etc.

He would probably think the other friend ‘hardly trains’ for the one annual ultra he does, because the other friend has three children (divorced and has them 50% of the time), a demanding, long-hours professional job split between two cities, and is seldom able to do long training runs, but the race is important to him.

Mantling · 31/12/2023 15:19

Serene135 · 31/12/2023 15:17

Yes. This too.

RedHelenB · 31/12/2023 15:20

I'd take that as encouragement, certainly wouldn't make me cry.

witte · 31/12/2023 15:20

I don't think it's rude at all but assiduously is a prick of a word

Mirandawrongs · 31/12/2023 15:20

She sounds envious.
maybe she wants to train but can’t find the time however she believes it’s easier to knock you down a notch or two rather than admit that.

I personally, think your time is bloody awesome!
well done and please be proud!

Original poster

StephanieLampshade · 31/12/2023 15:21

Cheeesus · 31/12/2023 15:10

She sounds like she has some reason to think you hardly train. Or she feels she’s doing more than you. Something going on there!

This!!

I mean I don't tell her when I train...it's several times a week and unless there's something interesting (eg over Christmas I ran in Yorkshire for practice which was nice) then it's no more relevant than telling her what I had for dinner.

I'm wondering if I made a throwaway comment about being lazy and "barely training" that she had taken literally.

I certainly could train harder and try to lose some weight too but I've had such a tough year that honestly even lacing up my trainers today to run in the wind felt an achievement.

I don't think I'll say anything but maybe not send a bragging text next time 😂

OP posts:

WhateverMate · 31/12/2023 15:23

Is she right? Do you hardly train?

If so, you've done even better, haven't you! 🥉🧘‍♂️

If she's wrong then just tell her she's mistaken 🤷‍♂️

WhateverMate · 31/12/2023 15:24

Sorry, X posted.

Just point out that you do train very hard. She's obviously unaware of that.

PegasusReturns · 31/12/2023 15:25

I’d bet that at some point you’ve made a comment or three about how you “never train”.

it’s easily done. A throw away remark when you’ve been ill or out drinking. Self deprecatingly when you’re embarrassed by the attention.

she’s seized on that and is telling you how impressed she is with your natural talent. The thoughtful “if that’s what you want”
tells me this isn’t a mean comment

xyz111 · 31/12/2023 15:31

Maybe try reading it in a really positive upbeat voice. Yes it comes across harsh, but j in think it depends what tone of voice you read it in.

Almondmum · 31/12/2023 15:32

It's the hardly train that's insulting isn't it? Either because she's deliberately trying to take you down a peg or two or she's put her foot in it..

There was no need for that bit. I don't know how you could take someone saying you 'hardly train' as encouragement or well meant?!

DysmalRadius · 31/12/2023 15:37

I can see how this could be meant as a compliment, esp if you've alluded to not training much/laziness etc. The fact that she added the 'if that is what you want' makes me think she's trying to be encouraging and has put some though into the wording so just maybe misjudged it.

Blancher · 31/12/2023 15:37

I don't think you're unreasonable for being upset cos sometimes that just happens when we're tired/drained and don't get a response we anticipated. Being sensitive isn't always a bad thing - let it out, process why you felt that way and move on without judgement of yourself.

That said,really difficult to know if your friend meant it in a rude way without knowing more about them as a person or your friendship dynamic. Do they make you feel upset often?

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