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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Does anyone else's DH have to be prompted to get dressed?!

82 replies

tiredmama23 · 31/12/2023 14:44

Weird thread title I know. Just wondering how common this is...

When we are home and not going anywhere, for some reason DH likes to walk around semi naked. So, for example, on waking in the morning, he will often come downstairs in just a pair of boxers. He'd stay like that most of the day if I didn't say "are you not going to put some clothes on?" Like, what if someone knocked on the door?

Also, he then has the audacity to sit there on the sofa in just boxers, complaining that he's cold?!

Today, he slept 6.30am-12pm (after a night shift at work), got up at lunch time and stayed in his boxers downstairs whilst eating his lunch. I had to say, "are you not getting dressed?"

AIBU? Is this the norm? Why does it grate on me so much?!

OP posts:
bellabean01 · 31/12/2023 15:23

This would bug me too, OP. I always get completely ready (showered, dressed, hair done etc) before I go downstairs, I just feel icky otherwise. DH would happily potter about in his dressing gown until lunchtime and it bugs me, not sure why. I’ve never been a lounging in pjs person.

ManateeFair · 31/12/2023 15:25

tiredmama23 · 31/12/2023 14:59

It's not a drip feed ffs. It's relevant information. Wow people are tetchy today 😂

Yes, it’s relevant. Which is why you should have included it at the start instead of drip-feeding it.

Original poster
tiredmama23 · 31/12/2023 15:41

fair enough, I should have included it at the beginning. However it bothers me regardless tbh, with or without the added factor of my teenage daughter. Just wanted to know if I was being unreasonable to be bothered by it, and how common it is among other male partners.

OP posts:
Davros · 31/12/2023 15:43

DH used to do this and still tries again now and then. I hate it and tell him to get the fuck upstairs and put some clothes on, no matter how casual

tulippa · 31/12/2023 15:49

Is your house incredibly warm? It's far too cold to be hanging round in pants round here!
Once breakfast is eaten and you start doing stuff it's time to get washed and dressed I think.

ActuallyChristmas · 31/12/2023 15:51

It wouldn’t bother me at all. Sometimes when I’m wfh I start straight after breakfast and change at coffee or lunch break

margotrose · 31/12/2023 15:53

The time to have this conversation was when he moved in with you, surely?

As for whether it's normal or not, people should be able to wear whatever they're comfortable in in their own homes.

NorthernSpirit · 31/12/2023 15:59

Like another poster said - I wonder if this is a generational thing?

I’m early 50’s and my parents would never have gone downstairs until dressed.

I might pop down for a cuppa in PJ’s but I always get dressed and don’t feel I’ve started the day until showered & dressed.

Don’t start me on people sitting around in PJ’s all day or popping to the shops in them. Laziness IMO.

Daleksatemyshed · 31/12/2023 16:00

Presumable he wears the boxer shorts to bed which suggests he's sitting around unwashed as well as undressed. Buy him a dressing gown so he's warmer and decently covered Op but the having a wash is not optional 😂

rwalker · 31/12/2023 16:11

There isn’t a great deal of difference between boxer shorts and normal gym shorts

Original poster
tiredmama23 · 31/12/2023 16:12

tulippa · 31/12/2023 15:49

Is your house incredibly warm? It's far too cold to be hanging round in pants round here!
Once breakfast is eaten and you start doing stuff it's time to get washed and dressed I think.

Nope. It's freezing - and he complains about being cold too 🙄

OP posts:
SutWytTi · 31/12/2023 16:12

tiredmama23 · 31/12/2023 15:17

@MrsElsa ok calm down 😂 he's not "some random man", she's known him since she was 8 years old. But yes, I agree, it's not appropriate. Hence why it bothers me.

I think you need to have a proper conversation with him and say you have thought about it and it is not appropriate around your DD. Have you ever discussed this with your DD, have you ever noticed her looking uncomfortable?

If he doesn't prioritise her comfort, you have a big issue.

JingleSnowmanTree · 31/12/2023 16:19

tiredmama23 · 31/12/2023 14:59

It's not a drip feed ffs. It's relevant information. Wow people are tetchy today 😂

@tiredmama23

thats
that's exactly what a drip feed is!! Relevant information left out of the original post & dripped in subsequent posts

Given DD lives there too then yes, he shoukd be wearing more than boxers, even if only shirts or joggers/dressing gown. No need for a top if he doesn't want one.

if only a couple are home then boxers is fine with me.

no big deal if the door goes.you can answer it!

JingleSnowmanTree · 31/12/2023 16:20

HOWEVER, I wouldn't tolerate any whinging about being cold until he was properly dressed.

JingleSnowmanTree · 31/12/2023 16:28

Davros · 31/12/2023 15:43

DH used to do this and still tries again now and then. I hate it and tell him to get the fuck upstairs and put some clothes on, no matter how casual

@Davros children in the house or not?

if no children in the house I'd tell you to MYOB. I'll wear what I want in my house, what gives you the impression you're in charge of what he wears??

LaMadameCholet · 31/12/2023 16:32

rwalker · 31/12/2023 16:11

There isn’t a great deal of difference between boxer shorts and normal gym shorts

Well, there is a bit - gym shorts don’t have a flap that a willy can fall out of.

@tiredmama23 I wouldn’t like this and I can’t think of anyone I know that wanders about at home in just their pants. It’s a bit toddler like.

Spirallingdownwards · 31/12/2023 16:33

If he has known her since she was 8 presumably she has experienced this since she was young and sees it as his norm.

I am lying here on the sofa in my nighty still. Its more comfortable and saves on washing my clothes. Maybe he feels more comfortable. If he has always done it why is it an issue for you now? It is likely to be one of those things that's cute/endearing in the beginning of a relationship but irritates later when there is the start of relationship issues

TomatoSandwiches · 31/12/2023 16:37

It isn't appropriate especially with a teenaged step daughter in the house and it doesn't make sense that he does it because he prefers it if he complains about being cold.

Why is he doing it?

Terrribletwos · 31/12/2023 16:39

So he's in his boxers and complaining about the cold. Is he by any chance dim?

AhBiscuits · 31/12/2023 16:41

I would have said yabu until the drip feed about the teenage step daughter. He should put some clothes on.

Isheabastard · 31/12/2023 16:42

It would annoy me too.

Maybe tomorrow you should get up and wander around in your big baggy pants and an old bra and see if he thinks that’s odd?

gannett · 31/12/2023 16:43

tiredmama23 · 31/12/2023 14:49

also, I have a teenage daughter (his step daughter), who possibly doesn't want to see her step father in his boxers. So there's that.

Well have you asked her? Genuinely stunned if you haven't.

Teenage daughter aside, yes you'd be unreasonable to tell him what to wear in his own house. In the summer it'd be fairly normal to swan around wearing not very much. In the winter it's a very odd decision but still his to make (obviously I'd have no sympathy if he complains about the cold). It's not really up to you.

If your daughter feels uncomfortable about it then he should put some more clothes on.

gannett · 31/12/2023 16:44

Isheabastard · 31/12/2023 16:42

It would annoy me too.

Maybe tomorrow you should get up and wander around in your big baggy pants and an old bra and see if he thinks that’s odd?

This is me, often, in warmer weather. It's perfectly fine.

The levels of horror and disgust with the human body on this site are not normal.

JenniferJuniper80 · 31/12/2023 16:46

Buy him a shorts Pyjama set and let him relax in his own home after working hard.
PS you did drip feed.

ZiriForGood · 31/12/2023 17:01

The first post made me laugh - argumenting with someone potentially knocking on the door. There is no general rule about clothing at home, unless some household agrees some. If he is cold that way, that's interesting, but his problem.

The teen might make a difference. Some teens would hate it even with their own parents. Some don't care.
Given they know each other since she was a child, I wouldn't focus that much on the step part, but would ask her opinion.

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