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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH reaction

59 replies

reflex123 · 31/12/2023 05:26

Can the kind people of Mumsnet help me on this one? Last night me and DH went out for a long awaited "date night". It was fine right until the last 10 minutes when DH stormed out. We had seen a couple walking out, past our table, and I had commented that it was nice of the boyfriend to be carrying the bunch of flowers that the woman had. I said was a caring boyfriend. My DH took great offence and said I was having a dig at him, that I "always do this" and always compare him to others. This seems to be based on my positive comments of other men over the years like if they come up in conversation. E.g oh so and so is such a nice guy! It transpires that each time I do this I am making DH feel bad. I will admit that our relationship is not rock solid and I feel a lot of emotional needs are not met. I do see positive traits in other people but am not consciously comparing them to DH - that I am aware of. But perhaps in light of everything and what DH said, is there a chance I am?! I am so confused. I tried explaining things and then got tired of what I felt was childish behaviour from DH and just laid it down that I would like him to be more emotionally supportive and compassionate to me. I may have called him thin skinned. He then stormed out and is giving me the silent treatment today. I tried asking for time to talk but he said he needs a day on his own. AIBU for comparing him to others with comments like these? And Was my reaction unwarranted? I'm left feeling very confused.

OP posts:
MrDirtyBear · 31/12/2023 12:31

Would be interesting to hear his side of it, before dismissing him as a man child, man baby or any of the other insults. Sounds like it's the last straw for him. Wondering why?

Once you've both had a chance to take a break from the situation maybe write to each other how you honestly feel and go from there.

Often writing it out gives you a chance to unpick, and reflect rather than descend into a war of words. You never know you both might rip up before you hand it to each other and both apologise and learn from it to treat each other better so stuff like this doesn't build up out of proportion.

PrueRamsay · 31/12/2023 12:35

gannett · 31/12/2023 12:02

You were passive-aggressive and pointed. He massively overreacted with his childish hissy fit. You don't actually like each other, do you?

That’s also my take.

Have you considered counselling?

Eleganz · 31/12/2023 12:37

Sounds like your communication is poor as a couple and there are clearly simmering resentments under the surface that are leading to what may well be innocent comments being interpreted as passive aggressive digs.

You either need to fully clear the air on this or get some support to try and help you communicate better.

Like the idea of writing out what your issues are to each other, giving each other time to read and digest and then coming together to discuss it - may take the heat out of the situation.

WingingItSince1973 · 31/12/2023 12:43

I wonder how the comments would go if it was the other way around and OP was saying it was her DH who kept comparing her to other women. I think your DH may have a point and that was the cherry on the cake as far as he was concerned.

WhateverMate · 31/12/2023 12:45

I will admit that our relationship is not rock solid and I feel a lot of emotional needs are not met.

It definitely sounds like you were having a dig and I think this ^^ confirms it.

Alcyoneus · 31/12/2023 12:56

LilBooThang · 31/12/2023 05:45

He sounds very paranoid.

Does he smoke weed?

Having seen a lot of armchair diagnoses on MN, this has to be up there with wackiest ones. How do you arrive at this conclusion from a short OP which describes nothing of the sort.

369damnshesfine · 31/12/2023 13:10

Tbh I would be pretty annoyed if I was on a date with my DH and he started saying how nice it was that another woman was doing X for her DH.
It would definitely sound like a dig.

If you thought it, there was absolutely no need to say it.

It sounds like you have these little digs at him a lot and it would get me down too.

However, it sounds like this relationship just isn’t working and you both need to talk to each other and decide whether you’re going to make it work or say enough is enough.

TeenLifeMum · 31/12/2023 13:19

In this situation in pretty sure my dh would respond with “yes, looks like the early stages of a relationship” and I’d add “No, I think he’s had an affair and treated her badly so they make up flowers but he bought two bouquets and the other one is with the ow.”… on date nights we usually make up back stories for the couples around us. Sometimes really outlandish. I guess it really depends on the relationship but however it was intended, your dh has told you his perspective and you need to listen rather than be defensive if you’re going to move forward.

CandidaAlbicans2 · 31/12/2023 13:47

You admit that your relationship is not rock solid so I can see why the positive comments you make about other men can seem like passive aggressive digs to your DH. However, it also seems that both of you don't have the best communication (eg "You always..." rather than "I feel X when you do Y") and could benefit from working on that.

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