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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say no to babysitting

45 replies

NannyMC · 30/12/2023 21:12

I have been asked by a family member if my 14 year old could babysit their child for a day whilst they work.

this would be from 8 am until at least 17.30. My 14 year old is very mature, she watches her sister if I run to the shop but I wouldn’t dream of leaving her in charge for 9+ hours! She wasn’t even offered payment even though that wouldn’t make it any better.

My family member doesn’t have much support but does not use childcare. I try to help when I can but told her I don’t feel comfortable leaving my child with such a young child for a whole work day, she called me crying saying she doesn’t know what she will do as it’s a new job…

OP posts:
Katemax82 · 30/12/2023 21:24

I wouldn't let my 14 year old do it either

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 30/12/2023 21:26

How old is the child?

this does seem to much for a 14 year old but maybe suggest they could start with a shorter time to build up to that in the future.

SalmonEile · 30/12/2023 21:29

Is it a one off?
how old is the child?

Original poster
NannyMC · 30/12/2023 21:30

It’s a one off and the child is 4 or 5?

OP posts:
TestingTestingWonTooFree · 30/12/2023 21:31

Where would you be when this happened?

cadburyegg · 30/12/2023 21:33

Your family member needs to source appropriate paid childcare like everyone else. A 14 year old doing a school run for a school aged child would be fine, but looking after a toddler (I'm assuming) for a whole day isn't really appropriate on a regular basis

Original poster
NannyMC · 30/12/2023 21:34

It is a one off. I’ll be back at work by that time

OP posts:
TheCurlyKnobhead · 30/12/2023 21:37

Wouldn't she be at school?

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 30/12/2023 21:38

It’s a no from me!

BayCityCoaster · 30/12/2023 21:39

Sorry, but the person asking is being a total CF.

She needs to be pay for (actual) childcare, just like every other human on the planet that works with small children.

Original poster
NannyMC · 30/12/2023 21:39

No she wouldn’t be at school, off for another week here!

OP posts:
tescocreditcard · 30/12/2023 21:41

I think I'd allow it for one day only for a family member who needed it desparately. That's what family are for after all.

She definately needs to pay for it though.

Danikm151 · 30/12/2023 21:43

If your family member doesn’t use childcare she isn’t going to last long in that job!

Maxus · 30/12/2023 21:44

I would only allow it if an adult was available to take over if need be. Otherwise no

Caffeineislife · 30/12/2023 21:51

It would be a no from me. That is far too long for a school aged teen. A couple of hours yes but that's pretty much a full day at day nursery. It's a lot to take on for a teen - at least 1 meal and 2 snacks, plus entertaining them all day. Relative needs to find proper paid childcare - sitters.com, nanny sites, Search FB lots of childminders near me are offering one off day places where they are not full on our local FB page. Might be tricky with the time of year but perhaps a holiday club day - our local board game cafe and gymnastics clubs are doing a holiday clubs a couple of days next week (schools not back until 8th). Will she be using a day nursery? If so can she ask the nursery staff if they are free. A lot of the staff at DDs preschool do babysitting on evenings, weekends and school holidays for extra cash.

ChellyT · 30/12/2023 21:54

On the info you have provided @NannyMC I'm saying no and to go with your gut.

Ladybugandflowers · 30/12/2023 22:03

Absolutely no way would I agree to this.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 30/12/2023 22:06

Absolutely not. I get that her situation is tricky, but this is not an appropriate solution.

SENDhelp2023 · 30/12/2023 22:08

Nope, I don't let my 14 year old babysit and also leave het charge for short periods with my 11 year old.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 30/12/2023 22:09

It’s a no from me. I’ve had a similar age teen look after my slightly older kids after school for a couple of hours but only when we’ve been WFH and/or his mum was on standby.

Daisybuttercup12345 · 30/12/2023 22:10

I would say No.
Too much responsibility for a 14 year old all day.

SmallestInTheClass · 30/12/2023 22:10

What a cheeky thing to ask. Why is it so hard to understand that you need to pay for childcare. A long day is definitely too much for a 14 year old and very different to a couple of hour of babysitting. She should register with sitters or another babysitting service with professional childcare if she needs it at short notice to keep her job. Or just arrange proper childcare like the rest of us.

ReflectiveRogue1001 · 30/12/2023 22:11

It's a one-off this time

Onelifeonly · 30/12/2023 22:18

Depends on how stable and mature your 14 year old is. Presumably they know the child well enough. Have they cared for a child if this age before? Is there an adult that could be at the end of a phone to give advice if needed? It would be nice for them to get some kind of reward, otherwise why would they want to?

But if you / they don't feel it is appropriate, then just say no, sorry.

Doesn't the relative have any friends with a child of a similar age who could have them? I very occasionally took a chance and asked friends / my children's friends' parents to do this, though never for a full day admittedly, and they generally obliged. Or a regular babysitter?

Ididntknowuntiliknew · 30/12/2023 22:20

A parent left solo with a child this age will go stir crazy for 10 hours, without transportation.

Does your 14 year old have a strong bond with the child? Do they have ideas for things that they could do, for this length of time?

Usually, when a 14 yr old is babysitting, it will be for a couple of hours maximum.
Your relative is looking for a cost free solution to a logistical problem.

What if there is an accident?
Your child cannot be given this level of responsibility.

Looking after small children isn't any kind of opportunity at 14 years old, unless it's a paid job. The length of time expected isn't just 'keeping an eye' on the little one.

It isn't your fault that she doesn't have childcare in place.