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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say no to babysitting

45 replies

NannyMC · 30/12/2023 21:12

I have been asked by a family member if my 14 year old could babysit their child for a day whilst they work.

this would be from 8 am until at least 17.30. My 14 year old is very mature, she watches her sister if I run to the shop but I wouldn’t dream of leaving her in charge for 9+ hours! She wasn’t even offered payment even though that wouldn’t make it any better.

My family member doesn’t have much support but does not use childcare. I try to help when I can but told her I don’t feel comfortable leaving my child with such a young child for a whole work day, she called me crying saying she doesn’t know what she will do as it’s a new job…

OP posts:
Original poster
NannyMC · 30/12/2023 22:25

You’re all right, my 14 year is very sensible but likes to lie in bed when left to her own devices. She wouldn’t be able to entertain a child that young all day, even I would be lost after a few hours.

My family member does not have any one else to ask, she has lent on me for many years when I could swing it, because that’s what family do. But now I feel it’s been put on my child who really just wants to lie in bed and play sims alone at last .

I do feel bad for family member but who starts a new job without lining up childcare! Childcare is the first thing I would sort?

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 30/12/2023 22:35

No, I wouldn’t allow that either. 14 is too young to look after so young a child for such a long time.

UsingChangeofName · 30/12/2023 22:37

If she doesn't have childcare, what is she going to do the next day, the day after that, the day after that and so forth for the next 6 or 8 years ? Confused

HalloweenIsDone · 30/12/2023 22:37

I think if you even allow it as a one off it will turn into a regular ask. Especially if it's free.

WhatFlavourIsIt · 30/12/2023 22:37

What does your 14yr old think?. My daughter was babysitting for family & friends during the summer hols at that age. They'd play, do some crafts, have lunch walk to the park. Nothing to taxing. I would expect them to be paid, but if they were up for it, I can't see a problem.

Original poster
NannyMC · 30/12/2023 22:40

Previously in her other jobs she worked one day a week, sometimes she asked if I could pick her child up from school. Not sure what else she did or what her hours are like in this new job….

She hasn’t offered any money for it just said do you think my 14 year old will watch child.

OP posts:
Original poster
NannyMC · 30/12/2023 22:41

Just spoken to my daughter she said she doesn’t want to even with the offer of money( she’s feeling flush with Christmas cash) So I suppose that’s settled once and for all, I really would not feel comfortable with her babysitting.

OP posts:
Copperoliverbear · 30/12/2023 23:06

Tell you relative she needs to sort out a childminder for ad hoc days. X

UsingChangeofName · 30/12/2023 23:28

The point being, this isn't an emergency (Childminder suddenly ill / sudden unexpected school closure type) situation.

This is just lack of sorting out what needs to be sorted out.
If you are at work and have a child / children, then you need to have childcare in place. You factor in the costs of that when deciding to take the job or not.

Zanatdy · 30/12/2023 23:31

Yes one day I’d allow it, if child was paid. I was babysitting in the evening at same age and obviously now kids have a mobile to ask for help etc. But not for free

freshgreen · 30/12/2023 23:33

A 4/5 year old is a huge responsibility. It'd be a no from me.

Milkand2sugarsplease · 30/12/2023 23:46

If daughter was sensible enough AND wanted to do it then I wouldn't be against it with a 4/5yo.
From what you've said, she's sensible enough but doesn't actually want to so then it would be a no - not because I think teens should get to pick and choose, but a teen that doesn't actually want to babysit for a full working day will really not do a great job of it if pushed into it.

TomatoSandwiches · 30/12/2023 23:51

No and I would nip this asking your 14yr old in the bud ASAP because she sounds as if she will constantly ask at any opportunity.
She needs to be forced into accepting organised and paid childcare or this will keep happening.

LostMySocks · 30/12/2023 23:58

Will the mum be in the house? There's a big difference between 'minding a child' when there is an adult in a home office and baby sitting when a young person is in sole control

DixonD · 30/12/2023 23:59

I used to babysit younger children at that age - it’s absolutely fine as long as the 14 year old is sensible.

Anotheranonymousname · 31/12/2023 00:05

Your 14-yr-old isn't willing so that makes it easy to decline on her behalf. More generally, I think it depends on the teenager, the child they would be babysitting for and their relationship.

I'd be happy for my 14-yr-old to babysit her 5-yr-old cousin for the day because she's helped out after school a few times, done tea and bedtime when one parent needs to leave but the other isn't home from work and has babysat for a few hours during the day. The two get along well, are safe together and my teenager has always been paid. If neither of my teens were available, their cousin would be looked after by a non-family babysitter or would spend the day with a schoolfriend in return for the friend spending a day at theirs when the other parent needed a hand.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 31/12/2023 00:07

WhatFlavourIsIt · 30/12/2023 22:37

What does your 14yr old think?. My daughter was babysitting for family & friends during the summer hols at that age. They'd play, do some crafts, have lunch walk to the park. Nothing to taxing. I would expect them to be paid, but if they were up for it, I can't see a problem.

I agree, I was babysitting at that ages regularly and I know lots of friends with children who also babysit. I left ds with a lovely sitter who was 14,he adored her.

AyCaray · 31/12/2023 00:08

I'd say no.

I would be worried by doing the favour once, it would be automatically assumed that your DC will be available for future babysitting too.

Blondeshavemorefun · 31/12/2023 00:25

No. Your dd is too young to be in charge of a 4/5yr

I wouldn't want a young teen watching my daughter (6) even babysitting aka asleep in bed

Let alone taking care /entertaining /cooking /playing etx for 9hrs

It's a long time

Family member needs to pay for childcare or ask a mum from school very very very nicely if can have her child for a day

What will happen on baker days /school holidays /if child is sick

Glad you 14yr has said no

Beautiful3 · 31/12/2023 00:33

You asked her, and she doesn't want to do it. So I'd message her saying, " I asked x if she wanted to babysit, but she said she didn't want to. I'm really sorry." If she asks why, just explain, she didn't want to and stand by it.

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