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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel annoyed that my husband asked me if I was going to put any make-up on

42 replies

LaviniaLee · 30/12/2023 18:00

On the train to see my in-laws, my husband looked at me and said 'are you not going to put any make-up on?'.

I looked miffed and said 'I didn't realise it was so obvious'. He later said he thought I looked nice without make-up, but likes it when I wear it. Previously he has said it's good to wear makeup when I go out.

For context, I never wear it if I'm just in the house or just going to a shop. But I normally put it on if going out to see people, or to go to work. I just wear light make-up (mascara, primer, lipstick, bit of powder/blusher).

AIBU to feel annoyed at this comment? Or is it ok that he makes his prefences known (i.e. that he really likes it when I wear make-up).

OP posts:
Pottedpalm · 30/12/2023 18:02

If you normally wear make up to go out then maybe you should put it on to visit family.

Jacfrost · 30/12/2023 18:05

If DH said this to me it would probably end in divorce 😂

Absolutely no way I'd put up with somebody telling me what I should be doing with my appearance

StillWantingADog · 30/12/2023 18:06

Pottedpalm · 30/12/2023 18:02

If you normally wear make up to go out then maybe you should put it on to visit family.

Why should she?

I wear makeup in similar circs to OP but it’s because I want to, not because I think I “should”

my bff is an extremely senior director in a well known company and has only ever worn makeup on her wedding day, when she decided she was unlikely to do so ever again. Great job, house, husband and kids, never done her any harm!

OP I’d be slightly miffed too, and my DH would never say that, but I don’t think it’s wrong to express a preference. I suppose akin to saying That dh prefers your hair up or down/long or short

gwanmen · 30/12/2023 18:08

Tell him to wear some makeup if he likes it

Sunday12 · 30/12/2023 18:08

I don’t think it’s terrible that he said that. Makeup = you going out somewhere special. You say that’s what you do as preparation normally so it’s ok to ask that in my opinion. He’s not saying you don’t look nice. He’s noticing that you don’t look like you’ve got dressed up.

EmmaEmerald · 30/12/2023 18:09

Pottedpalm · 30/12/2023 18:02

If you normally wear make up to go out then maybe you should put it on to visit family.

But you put it on when you fancy it, surely?

Isometimeswonder · 30/12/2023 18:09

Do you ever tell him you like him in a particular item of his clothing? Or his hair styled in a particular way? If it's said nicely I don't see a problem.

gamerchick · 30/12/2023 18:10

Pottedpalm · 30/12/2023 18:02

If you normally wear make up to go out then maybe you should put it on to visit family.

Why?

Well I know what I would say to him.

Spirallingdownwards · 30/12/2023 18:10

Whilst I agree it is entirely your choice to either wear or not wear it if you usually wear it when you go out (even to shops) then he may have thought you had forgotten or didn't realise you hadn't put any on.

VanityDiesHard · 30/12/2023 18:11

Pottedpalm · 30/12/2023 18:02

If you normally wear make up to go out then maybe you should put it on to visit family.

Um, why should she? OP, tell your husband to do one. He isn't the boss of your face.

BareBelliedSneetch · 30/12/2023 18:11

“No. Are you?”

VanityDiesHard · 30/12/2023 18:11

Spirallingdownwards · 30/12/2023 18:10

Whilst I agree it is entirely your choice to either wear or not wear it if you usually wear it when you go out (even to shops) then he may have thought you had forgotten or didn't realise you hadn't put any on.

That is also possible!

justalittlesnoel · 30/12/2023 18:11

If you normally put it on when going to see people, and you were on your way to see people - it seems quite normal he'd ask if you were going to wear any?

I compliment my DH when he styles his hair nicely when we're off out for a meal or he's going to meet friends, or when he wears a particularly nice outfit to go out in / good aftershave etc. I actually asked him this week as we were leaving to see his parents if he had any plans to sort his hair out before we got there 😂

bellac11 · 30/12/2023 18:14

I sometimes say to my OH 'arent you going to wear your nice shirt' or 'arent you going to do your hair properly'

Im not sure what the difference is

Original poster
LaviniaLee · 30/12/2023 18:15

That morning I had to get presents ready and pack a suitcase (we were getting a train then a flight to see them). The reason I wasn't wearing it was because I was rushed that morning and had loads to do (as it often feels like before a flight).

Somehow pointing out I haven't put makeup on is different to asking if I've forgotten my jumper?

OP posts:
tescocreditcard · 30/12/2023 18:16

bellac11 · 30/12/2023 18:14

I sometimes say to my OH 'arent you going to wear your nice shirt' or 'arent you going to do your hair properly'

Im not sure what the difference is

There isn't any difference, both are equally rude.

EmmaEmerald · 30/12/2023 18:17

tescocreditcard · 30/12/2023 18:16

There isn't any difference, both are equally rude.

Show quote history

This!

Sidebeforeself · 30/12/2023 18:19

Depends on tone doesn’t it? I can see my DH saying that because I normally wear make up so he’d be surprised. But I wouldn’t take it as meaning he thinks I SHOULD wear it

LemonLight · 30/12/2023 18:19

It sounds more like an idiot husband putting his foot in his mouth sort of situation rather than a deliberate attempt to hurt your feelings or something like that. Men can be quite tactless but they don't always mean it the way it comes out. My husband is always putting his foot in his mouth but he's very loving and complimentary otherwise so I know when he says something stupid it's usually innocent. Do you feel your husband is like that too or it's actually him being mean?

FairytaleOfKent · 30/12/2023 18:21

If you usually wear make-up to your in-laws then it may have just been an observation. I don't see why it's wrong to prefer the way you look with make-up. If he said 'you should put some make-up on as you look rough' then I'd understand.

Missingmyusername · 30/12/2023 18:21

Do you comment on his appearance? I comment on my DH’s- I like this /don’t like that. I don’t like facial hair, so he shaves. If he said “I really want a beard” I wouldn’t stop him though.

Shf · 30/12/2023 18:22

I also normally wear make up unless I’m lazing around the house, so if I was going out to see his family and didn’t have any on, DH would comment. He wouldn’t mean it negatively, it’d be more a comment from a place of surprise, because it would be very unlike me not to have a bit of make up on.

369damnshesfine · 30/12/2023 18:33

I would be annoyed he said it but I wouldn’t blame him for thinking if tbh.

If he equates it with you making an effort then he’s just disappointed that you’re not making as much effort for this.

I’d be a bit miffed if my DH was wearing an old holey t shirt and grubby trackies when going to see my parents.

He shouldn’t have said it though and I’d be telling him to not say anything like that ever again.

garlicandsapphires · 30/12/2023 18:37

Makeup is loaded - political even, in a way that stuff to do with men’s appearance never will be.
My dad preferred my mum with long hair.
I prefer DP without a beard.
I like him in certain clothes and I will say so sometimes.
I guess it’s about the context in which the makes up comment was said.

Neitheronethingnortheother · 30/12/2023 18:38

You could always tell him they do makeup for men nowadays and he would look better with some foundation on when he goes out..