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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU if I've resigned they can't make me go?

90 replies

Choupelle · 30/12/2023 13:53

Any HR people around?

I'm meeting with my line manager on Tues to tell him I'm leaving. Ideally I'd like to leave in March but could go in February if needed.

My plan was to speak to him on Tues and then put in my resignation with my leaving date. I'm only required to give 4 weeks notice but in reality didn't want to dump and run. So trying to be reasonable.

I'm supposed to go to a work conference later in January which I really don't want to go. It's cheesy pom-pom waving for a company that's failing its targets and seems to have its head in the sand. It would be a waste of money for them as its basically a networking/motivational event.

Basically if I've resigned, can they make me go?

Are there any levers HR could pull to actually make me go?

If I say no, what's the worst that could happen?

I don't need a reference as I'm basically giving up work for semi retirement and I have others who could give me a reference if needed (but hopefully never again!).

I don't want to fall out with my line manager as I've enjoyed working with him and I'd like to leave on good terms, but I'm not interested in being away from home for a week either.

OP posts:
SecondHandFurniture · 30/12/2023 13:55

They can't physically make you go. Point out it's a waste of money for the accommodation and food!

Loopytiles · 30/12/2023 13:57

It’d be professional to attend the conference. If no non-refundable costs have yet been incurred your best angle to argue could be that they avoid the costs.

it’s reasonable to expect leavers to do the usual duties of the role, ie they can require you to attend as planned.

If you refuse or don’t turn up on the day it’d be a conduct matter but not gross misconduct, so most line managers - although being pissed off and deeming the behaviour unprofessional - wouldn’t do much about it in the circumstances.

Original poster
Choupelle · 30/12/2023 14:02

I don't care about unprofessional tbh.

Unprofessional to me is spending thousands on a wasteful social piss up just before they start making lots of people redundant. Its disingenuous to all those who won't have a job in 6 months time.

Nothing has been booked for me so no wasted costs, only money saved.

OP posts:
Littlegoth · 30/12/2023 14:03

From an HR point of view you are a leaver and don’t want to go to the event, so no, I don’t think you are the right person to go and wave pom poms and sing and dance about how great the organisation is. The second people find out you are leaving it will give them a negative impression, however enthusiastic you are. If your replacement is in post and up to speed I would be suggesting they go instead.

Youthinkyoureuniqueyourejustastatistic · 30/12/2023 14:04

lol. I think I’d have handed my notice in 4 weeks before the conference. But then offered to stay longer if they didn’t send me on the conference.

Discomboobulated · 30/12/2023 14:04

Just be sick that week.

Littlegoth · 30/12/2023 14:04

@Choupelle Given your update showing your personal feelings about upcoming redundancies I double down on definitely not sending you. It’s hard to hide that sort of disdain (and I’m not judging you for it, I would feel exactly the same).

AlisonDonut · 30/12/2023 14:07

Don't give them more time than your notice and just callin sick if they want you to go and you haven't handed your notice in at that point.

ANightmareBeforeChristmas · 30/12/2023 14:07

They can't really 'make' you go even if you haven't resigned - they're not going to bundle you onto a train. All they could do is instigate disciplinary proceedings if you failed to go and this is deemed a requirement of your role.

If you want to leave on good terms I would go with the line that it would be a waste of the company's money for you to go when you are leaving so shortly afterwards. Or you could invent a prior commitment (e.g. hospital appointment straight after work that day) meaning you can't travel. Or you could be ill on the day.

Lunde · 30/12/2023 14:11

Do you have any annual leave left to take?

Original poster
Choupelle · 30/12/2023 14:12

Lunde · 30/12/2023 14:11

Do you have any annual leave left to take?

I'd like to get that paid out when I leave tbh

OP posts:
LuluBlakey1 · 30/12/2023 14:14

Choupelle · 30/12/2023 14:12

I'd like to get that paid out when I leave tbh

Show quote history

Well, it's all about you and what you want!

mynameiscalypso · 30/12/2023 14:14

In my old company, you wouldn't have been allowed to attend if you were about to leave. I wouldn't see it as an issue at all.

Original poster
Choupelle · 30/12/2023 14:15

mynameiscalypso · 30/12/2023 14:14

In my old company, you wouldn't have been allowed to attend if you were about to leave. I wouldn't see it as an issue at all.

That's what I was thinking.

OP posts:
AuntieDolly · 30/12/2023 14:16

Slightly OT, but if you are on 4 weeks notice would it be a problem for you if they asked you to leave 4 weeks from Tuesday?

Original poster
Choupelle · 30/12/2023 14:17

AuntieDolly · 30/12/2023 14:16

Slightly OT, but if you are on 4 weeks notice would it be a problem for you if they asked you to leave 4 weeks from Tuesday?

No, it wouldn't be a problem at all for me. Might be for them, which is why I was trying to help out.

OP posts:
CornishPorsche · 30/12/2023 14:19

Your employer may enforce the 4 week notice period irrespective of the event you don't want to attend.... So be prepared for that. There's little benefit to them in keeping you there for an additional 3 months when you want to leave.

They can also make you use the AL and not pay you out for it.

Lincslady53 · 30/12/2023 14:19

I would not recommend resigning until 4 weeks before you want to go. It just complicates things. Companies I have worked for have often paid leavers off on the day they resign, especially more senior staff, as tgey can spread dissent and do a poor job, better to have them out if the way. Just go to the conference and yse it fit networking future contacts.

Pookerrod · 30/12/2023 14:19

They will not want to pay you out your leave unless they absolutely have to. Equally I doubt they would even want you at the conference. If I was then I would be telling you to not go to the conference and giving you forced annual leave that week instead.

Is there a chance that your role will be made redundant? If there is then I would hang on for redundancy to get a bit of extra £.

If not, then only give the notice you are required to give. Work out when you want to leave and give you notice in 4 weeks before that. No more as if the company is struggling I doubt they will want you to stay any longer.

And to answer your specific question, no, they can’t make you do anything. They can’t even make you give them 4 weeks notice, you could leave tomorrow and never go back. The only thing they can do is choose to make your life difficult by withholding a reference.

ImCamembertTheBigCheese · 30/12/2023 14:19

I'd frame it like this. When you give in your notice, you say that as you are leaving it is obviously not appropriate for you to attend X conference so will not be going but this will give another colleague the chance to attend.

Ohtobetwentytwo · 30/12/2023 14:26

I ddont think they can do anything but for me it's not about being professional.

They are paying iu those hours and it's up to them what they want you to do on those hours. Dont make your bosses job harder. You're leaving, you might not care but they do and someone being paid more than yu is responsible for making decisions about your duties. If you are contractually bound to undertake reasonable duties (especially if you've been before) then I think you need to get on with it.

In a few months you can forget about the company and how it spends its moent forever.

Pipsquiggle · 30/12/2023 14:28

Could you wait to see if you're made redundant? Get a better pay off?

Of course that would probably mean you would have to attend the conference

Yardley42 · 30/12/2023 14:33

I doubt they'll want to pay for you to attend. And you could always be sick - it'll be obvious, but give enough of a professional cover.

ilovesooty · 30/12/2023 14:34

Discomboobulated · 30/12/2023 14:04

Just be sick that week.

There's always one 🙄

If I were your company I think I'd send someone else. However if it's part of your normal duties it's reasonable to expect you to perform them until you leave but I suppose they can't make you.

enchantedsquirrelwood · 30/12/2023 14:34

If you've resigned they probably won't make you go, or even want you to go. I wouldn't worry about it.