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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU if I've resigned they can't make me go?

90 replies

Choupelle · 30/12/2023 13:53

Any HR people around?

I'm meeting with my line manager on Tues to tell him I'm leaving. Ideally I'd like to leave in March but could go in February if needed.

My plan was to speak to him on Tues and then put in my resignation with my leaving date. I'm only required to give 4 weeks notice but in reality didn't want to dump and run. So trying to be reasonable.

I'm supposed to go to a work conference later in January which I really don't want to go. It's cheesy pom-pom waving for a company that's failing its targets and seems to have its head in the sand. It would be a waste of money for them as its basically a networking/motivational event.

Basically if I've resigned, can they make me go?

Are there any levers HR could pull to actually make me go?

If I say no, what's the worst that could happen?

I don't need a reference as I'm basically giving up work for semi retirement and I have others who could give me a reference if needed (but hopefully never again!).

I don't want to fall out with my line manager as I've enjoyed working with him and I'd like to leave on good terms, but I'm not interested in being away from home for a week either.

OP posts:
enchantedsquirrelwood · 30/12/2023 14:35

ImCamembertTheBigCheese · 30/12/2023 14:19

I'd frame it like this. When you give in your notice, you say that as you are leaving it is obviously not appropriate for you to attend X conference so will not be going but this will give another colleague the chance to attend.

Or this.

Original poster
Choupelle · 30/12/2023 14:38

Thanks all, some food for thought.

Think I'll have a chat with my manager on Tues and put my cards on the table and see what he says. He usually gives good advice and we've been through a lot together!

I don't think he'll be staying long term either, he's hinted that numerous times and says he'd take redundancy in a heartbeat. Problem is neither of us will be in the redundancy pool sadly, otherwise we'd be having a drink in the pub celebrating!

I have absolutely no loyalty to this company. The company I worked at for over a decade was recently acquired by this company and tbh the culture is toxic. The integration has been atrocious and its clear the company is failing so is trying to buy its way out of problems, hence why they've overspent and will be making redundancies.

My line manager isn't going to the conference either btw! he's taken leave.

It's such a shame but time to go!

OP posts:
Fannyfiggs · 30/12/2023 14:41

LuluBlakey1 · 30/12/2023 14:14

Well, it's all about you and what you want!

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Are you quite well?

Of course it's gonna be about OP and what they want/would like.

ilovesooty · 30/12/2023 14:42

Fannyfiggs · 30/12/2023 14:41

Are you quite well?

Of course it's gonna be about OP and what they want/would like.

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Why are you asking her if she is quite well?

Original poster
Choupelle · 30/12/2023 14:46

Fannyfiggs · 30/12/2023 14:41

Are you quite well?

Of course it's gonna be about OP and what they want/would like.

Show quote history

I did chuckle at that post 😂

OP posts:
Mrsttcno1 · 30/12/2023 14:48

It depends if the conference is something you’d be expected to do as part of your employment. You can hand your notice in but you are still expected to fulfil the role you’re being paid for until you are officially gone.

Balloonhearts · 30/12/2023 14:50

Worst case scenario you refuse to go and they take it from your annual leave. That's all they CAN do really, is not pay your notice, citing that you have not fulfilled your duties during the notice period or deduct it from any outstanding annual leave.

Soontobe60 · 30/12/2023 14:50

LuluBlakey1 · 30/12/2023 14:14

Well, it's all about you and what you want!

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Is there something wrong with that?

Fannyfiggs · 30/12/2023 14:52

ilovesooty · 30/12/2023 14:42

Why are you asking her if she is quite well?

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LuluBlakey1 said Well, it's all about you and what you want! in reply to the OPs post about how she would like to be paid for her holidays.

I was asking if they were okay (using 'are you quite well' in a sarcastic manner) because who else did they think the post was gonna be about if not the Original Poster

dontgobaconmyheart · 30/12/2023 14:54

I would just speak to your line manager when you have the chat - reference the event and say you see no point in attending so can your name be removed from the list. I doubt it will be a big deal as there is no benefit to you attending as a leaver anyway. Alternatively take a days leave on that day or just call in sick. Nothing can be done about it and HR are not likely to pursue someone leaving over this. Your unused accrued annual leave will be paid in lieu when you leave in your final pay, if you are in the UK.

Fannyfiggs · 30/12/2023 14:54

Soontobe60 · 30/12/2023 14:50

Is there something wrong with that?

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Ahhhhh got it now. I have taken that in a completely different way.

I wholeheartedly apologise @LuluBlakey1 I now see what you mean.

I am a fanny 🤣 I'll get my coat on the way out...

Clarinet1 · 30/12/2023 14:55

When you give your notice, would there be any possibility of garden leave? This would get you out of both the company and the conference.

ThinWomansBrain · 30/12/2023 14:56

Just sell it as a positive gesture - you're sorry to miss it, but it would be so much more beneficial for X to take your place.
Even if your replacement isn't in place, there must be someone you can 'nominate' as a parting gift.
Don't overdo the "sorry to miss it"
Failing that, you have a medical appointment slap bang in the middle of the conference.

Vgbeat · 30/12/2023 14:58

If they are about to make redundancies would you not be better staying a few weeks longer and getting a payout by taking voluntary redundancy.

Original poster
Choupelle · 30/12/2023 14:59

Clarinet1 · 30/12/2023 14:55

When you give your notice, would there be any possibility of garden leave? This would get you out of both the company and the conference.

That would be amazing. Don't know to be honest.

Suspect they may just pay me out rather than making me work it, but we'll see.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 30/12/2023 15:00

It would be quite reasonable if her employer says that instead of attending the conference she should take annual leave. It is after all what her manager is doing.

I'm unsurprised however that one or two have said she should call in sick - which the OP herself hasn't suggested.

Original poster
Choupelle · 30/12/2023 15:01

Also, because we were brought in under acquisition there's plenty of people in the original company who will happily step in to fill the slot. Smart ones will have figured out which way the wind is blowing and look to get into this area before the redundancies begin.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 30/12/2023 15:01

Vgbeat · 30/12/2023 14:58

If they are about to make redundancies would you not be better staying a few weeks longer and getting a payout by taking voluntary redundancy.

She says she's not at risk of redundancy.

Original poster
Choupelle · 30/12/2023 15:05

If the trade off for not going was taking 2 days annual leave then actually I'd be happy with that. Then I could work my notice until March and help the team/organise transition to my replacement

OP posts:
EauNeu · 30/12/2023 15:05

a lot of mumsnetty handwringing in this thread. I'd just mention to your boss that as you are almost out the door, you won't be going to the conference. no need to overegg it with 'to whomst it may concerneth' florid language.

Original poster
Choupelle · 30/12/2023 15:08

EauNeu · 30/12/2023 15:05

a lot of mumsnetty handwringing in this thread. I'd just mention to your boss that as you are almost out the door, you won't be going to the conference. no need to overegg it with 'to whomst it may concerneth' florid language.

This is what DH is saying. Don't overthink it.

But I'm always a worst case scenario person. Plan A, B and C!

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 30/12/2023 15:09

Choupelle · 30/12/2023 15:05

If the trade off for not going was taking 2 days annual leave then actually I'd be happy with that. Then I could work my notice until March and help the team/organise transition to my replacement

Seems reasonable!

Ginnnny · 30/12/2023 15:14

I work in HR - they can’t “make” you go. You might find your manager will tell you not to when you resign.. is there anyone else in the team who could go, you could also suggest they go instead as it’s no longer appropriate for you to represent the company.

LuluBlakey1 · 30/12/2023 15:15

Fannyfiggs · 30/12/2023 14:52

LuluBlakey1 said Well, it's all about you and what you want! in reply to the OPs post about how she would like to be paid for her holidays.

I was asking if they were okay (using 'are you quite well' in a sarcastic manner) because who else did they think the post was gonna be about if not the Original Poster

Show quote history

I did wonder of the needs of the company might be significant at all- just while they continue to pay her salary.

Sladuf · 30/12/2023 15:17

If the company has any sense they’ll say because you’re leaving you’re not going to the conference. I was supposed to be going on a training course once a week for 4 weeks in March 2019 in one of my old jobs. I’d found another job at the end of February and told them I was leaving. The first thing they said was they’d send someone else in the team on the training. That made complete sense as does not letting/making you go to a conference if you’re going to be leaving.

However, if they’re being daft I’d just phone in sick as others have said. It’s not like they’re going to take you through the formal absence management process if you’re already a leaver.