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Original poster

Feeling bad but done what was right for me?

46 replies

lankly · 30/12/2023 13:18

Hello
Back story been with OH for almost 2 years it's not been the best relationship we've split got back together, had an abortion, various other things.
We haven't seen each other for a couple of weeks due to being long distance and conflicting schedules, in this time we've had a wobble and split for a week.
I was supposed to be going to his friends wedding in Ireland this weekend I asked if we could see each other before the wedding to test the waters on where we was in the relationship with splitting getting back together not seeing each other you get the jist he didn't agree so we didn't .. I didn't know anyone at the wedding and the thought of him kicking off as we argue a lot when we are together , I don't think we've ever had a weekend without some form of upset and then me being stuck in Ireland after an argument happened had me racked with anxiety
.. I have 3 children from a previous relationship and also the thought of not being able to get back to them quickly if something happened was making me feel sick.. I came off my citalopram in sep/Oct and I'm thinking I should go back on them or have I just done what was best for me by not going an putting myself in this situation when my gut feeling was screaming it will end badly?
I said how anxious I was feeling and he's went with his friends but now I feel more anxious he will get drunk and cheat 😢
Written down it looks like I know the reply's.
x

OP posts:
JMSA · 30/12/2023 13:20

Stay single. Focus on you and your children. I will never understand why some women cling onto dysfunctional relationships like this.

WhateverMate · 30/12/2023 13:21

Two years in and you should still be in the honeymoon phase, not fighting like cat and dog and splitting up every five minutes.

Not that this relationship will last but if it did, do you really not see how negatively it's going to affect your children?

FuckingHellAdele · 30/12/2023 13:23

You know that relationships should be good right?

ManateeFair · 30/12/2023 13:23

What the actual fuck are you doing having a relationship like this???

Have some self-respect and get this man out of your life. He doesn’t make you happy.

It is beyond unhealthy to be having a relationship like this. It’s bad for you and it’s bad for your kids. It’s dysfunctional and awful and it’s not normal.

Original poster
lankly · 30/12/2023 13:29

I know you are all right it's effecting my mental health I have lost 2 stone this year 😢
He can be so loving and lovely and other times it's awful

OP posts:
Puddingpieplum · 30/12/2023 13:31

Just dump him and move on. You're setting an awful example to your children.

JMSA · 30/12/2023 13:33

lankly · 30/12/2023 13:29

I know you are all right it's effecting my mental health I have lost 2 stone this year 😢
He can be so loving and lovely and other times it's awful

The push-pull dynamic in a relationship is incredibly damaging. A good relationship makes you feel contented and comfortable. An unhealthy relationship will leave you feeling on edge, as you are now.

PumpkinPie2016 · 30/12/2023 13:34

Sorry but this relationship sounds massively unhealthy.

Constantly arguing/splitting up/getting back together/not seeing each other etc. It really isn't normal or healthy.

I would end the relationship and stay single. Focus on yourself and your 3 children.

Poznpanz · 30/12/2023 13:34

Ditch him immediately. No contact ever again. This man may be a risk to your children, not a risk worth taking.

rainbowstardrops · 30/12/2023 13:36

I'd say, if it's like this now then just stop and imagine what it would be like in five years time.

MaryHinges · 30/12/2023 13:38

If you argue every time you are together then you may have a self esteem issue if this is what you think being 'so loving at times' looks like. This isn't it. Really you shouldn't be focused on just not going to this wedding with him. You should be focused on not doing anything with him because this isn't what love looks like. Focus on your kids and getting yourself in a better emotional condition so that damaged relationships like this stop being your normal. You're only settling for this because there's a part of you that doesn't believe you deserve better. You deserve much better, but maybe now isn't the time for looking if you're gravitating towards men like this.

Ukholidaysaregreat · 30/12/2023 13:38

Bin him off. He sounds crap. Look after yourself.

PurplePansy05 · 30/12/2023 13:39

lankly · 30/12/2023 13:18

Hello
Back story been with OH for almost 2 years it's not been the best relationship we've split got back together, had an abortion, various other things.
We haven't seen each other for a couple of weeks due to being long distance and conflicting schedules, in this time we've had a wobble and split for a week.
I was supposed to be going to his friends wedding in Ireland this weekend I asked if we could see each other before the wedding to test the waters on where we was in the relationship with splitting getting back together not seeing each other you get the jist he didn't agree so we didn't .. I didn't know anyone at the wedding and the thought of him kicking off as we argue a lot when we are together , I don't think we've ever had a weekend without some form of upset and then me being stuck in Ireland after an argument happened had me racked with anxiety
.. I have 3 children from a previous relationship and also the thought of not being able to get back to them quickly if something happened was making me feel sick.. I came off my citalopram in sep/Oct and I'm thinking I should go back on them or have I just done what was best for me by not going an putting myself in this situation when my gut feeling was screaming it will end badly?
I said how anxious I was feeling and he's went with his friends but now I feel more anxious he will get drunk and cheat 😢
Written down it looks like I know the reply's.
x

OP, I don't think it's your anxiety speaking, but your instinct.

If you take a step back and read what you wrote and think this is what your friend is telling you about her relationship, what would you advise her? I think we both know what your advice would be. Now, try and take the same on board for yourself.

He doesn't sound like the type of partner who would be suitable to look after you and your three children. And he is spiralling your anxiety, this is the last thing you need in life. You have to focus on your health, getting stronger for you and your children. The right partner will come to your life when you're in a better place. Well done for taking the right decision for you, don't doubt yourself (I know it's hard, I have generalised anxiety disorder and also was on Citalopram in the past). You're worthy and you've got this 💐 xx

Wowserme · 30/12/2023 13:41

Your children will look to you to see how a relationship should be… do you want your sons treating their partners in the same way or your daughter accepting a relationship where she is constantly on edge and miserable.
You are just as important, you deserve so much better than this man and I can assure you there is someone that will love and treasure you out there.
Make 2024 your year to find happiness and contentment. 💐

Original poster
lankly · 30/12/2023 13:45

You are all so right I shouldn't be sat feeling sick either worrying he will cheat it's not normal 😢

OP posts:
PurplePansy05 · 30/12/2023 13:49

lankly · 30/12/2023 13:45

You are all so right I shouldn't be sat feeling sick either worrying he will cheat it's not normal 😢

Not only that, the right partner for you would support you dealing with anxiety, not be a major contributor to your worries, it's cruel and unacceptable.

Original poster
lankly · 30/12/2023 13:58

@PurplePansy05 he told me I wouldn't hear much from him this weekend because he's not responsible for my anxiety's and shouldn't be made to text me 🤦🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
whynotwhatknot · 30/12/2023 14:01

stop this relationship lifes too short for this nonsense

MistletoeandJd · 30/12/2023 14:04

This is not a relationship this is some toxic attachment stuff.

WhatNoRaisins · 30/12/2023 14:05

Obviously relationships take some work but not to the point that it's making you this miserable OP. Do you have any good friends or close family members? I think you should draw closer to those who are kind to you and cut this man loose.

Bobbotgegrinch · 30/12/2023 14:06

Christ, send him a quick text now telling him its over. That way you don't have to worry if he's cheating, because you're not together.

I can't imagine why you'd ever want to see him again anyway, you're horrible together.

Olika · 30/12/2023 14:09

This man is horrible. Just dumb him for good.

MistletoeandJd · 30/12/2023 14:12

Definitely just dump him you have done the right thing by not going and he probably has already cheated previously and probably will again so just cut him lose.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 30/12/2023 14:15

Read your own posts back and think what you would advise someone else in this situation. There's really no maybe about it, it is a very clear cut case of get rid.

ImCamembertTheBigCheese · 30/12/2023 14:22

It sounds awful and not much of a relationship to be honest from what you have asid here. Why do you keep going with it?

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