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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Feeling bad but done what was right for me?

46 replies

lankly · 30/12/2023 13:18

Hello
Back story been with OH for almost 2 years it's not been the best relationship we've split got back together, had an abortion, various other things.
We haven't seen each other for a couple of weeks due to being long distance and conflicting schedules, in this time we've had a wobble and split for a week.
I was supposed to be going to his friends wedding in Ireland this weekend I asked if we could see each other before the wedding to test the waters on where we was in the relationship with splitting getting back together not seeing each other you get the jist he didn't agree so we didn't .. I didn't know anyone at the wedding and the thought of him kicking off as we argue a lot when we are together , I don't think we've ever had a weekend without some form of upset and then me being stuck in Ireland after an argument happened had me racked with anxiety
.. I have 3 children from a previous relationship and also the thought of not being able to get back to them quickly if something happened was making me feel sick.. I came off my citalopram in sep/Oct and I'm thinking I should go back on them or have I just done what was best for me by not going an putting myself in this situation when my gut feeling was screaming it will end badly?
I said how anxious I was feeling and he's went with his friends but now I feel more anxious he will get drunk and cheat 😢
Written down it looks like I know the reply's.
x

OP posts:
SpinningOutWaitinForYa · 30/12/2023 14:22

No relationship should set off your fight or flight response. They should be a place of safety, not anxiety,
Stay single- make the break permanent. He'd do you a favour if he cheated tbh so it would take the doubt away. Focus on your mental health and your little ones. Your worth is not defined by whether you have a boyfriend or not.

WhateverMate · 30/12/2023 14:26

lankly · 30/12/2023 13:29

I know you are all right it's effecting my mental health I have lost 2 stone this year 😢
He can be so loving and lovely and other times it's awful

He can be so loving and lovely

So can sewer rats at times 🤷‍♂️

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 30/12/2023 14:27

Hi OP. I think you absolutely did the right thing by turning down the wedding in Ireland.

You were worried that he would kick off and start arguing with you again at the wedding and being potentially marooned in Ireland away from your 3 kids.

So you proposed meeting up before the event and talking things through.
He refused. So you said you weren't going.
Under the circumstances your request was very reasonable. You stood up for yourself and when he wouldn't meet you halfway - you turned down the invitation.

I agree with other posters, that was your instinct. You were protecting yourself from having a horrible weekend, and worrying about your children.

I don't think you should be beating yourself up for this. I think you should be congratulating yourself for setting your boundaries and sticking to them!

When I saw this he told me I wouldn't hear much from him this weekend because he's not responsible for my anxiety's and shouldn't be made to text me

I thought that was a horrible response. He's punishing you with mean texts because he can't control you. He is responsible for your anxieties, he's causing them! It's your experience of his previous behavior which enables you to predict how he would act, in a situation you couldn't easily walk away from. and I wonder if your previous "arguments" were along similar lines as this episode and were caused by you standing up for yourself and not agreeing with him? But you've been made to feel as if there is something wrong with you doing that. That text of his underlines that he has no intention of treating you well.

You say that at times he's lovely, but the whole lovely/horrible dynamic is so destabilising. If he's only lovely sometimes ( when you behave exactly as HE wants) then He's just not good enough. You've wasted two years on him.
If someone is making you this miserable- Dump and Run.

dapsnotplimsolls · 30/12/2023 15:03

No relationship is worth this amount of misery. Make a clean break.

ManateeFair · 30/12/2023 15:21

He can be so loving and lovely

If he was loving and lovely you wouldn’t be having massive rows every weekend, splitting up every five minutes and feeling sick thinking he might cheat on you.

He isn’t loving and he isn’t lovely. He’s a cunt. WAKE UP.

Newchapterbeckons · 30/12/2023 15:43

You did exactly the right thing. You listened to your instincts.

So what if he cheats or never comes back - this would be a result for you and your dc.

Get some therapy: explore what has gone so wrong in your childhood that you have been left with so little self esteem, confidence and secure attachment.

Your primary relationship needs to be with yourself op. And your dc.

WaltzingWaters · 30/12/2023 16:46

You need to end this one. Focus on you and your children for now.

lankly · 30/12/2023 23:07

Well he's stuck to his word and iv not heard from him 😢

OP posts:
Newchapterbeckons · 31/12/2023 06:31

You haven’t listened to a word anyone has posted. You are locked in a cycle.

GrazingSheep · 31/12/2023 06:35

Your poor kids.

Dontsparethehorses · 31/12/2023 06:39

You were right not to go, he was right to go. You’re not right for each other - move on and put yourself and your children first. You don’t need to be anxious about someone you’re not in a relationship with so stop giving him that power.

Babyblackbear78 · 31/12/2023 06:44

This is not what a healthy relationship looks like. Imagine if this was happening to one of your children. I hope you would be telling them to call it a day with the relationship.

1AngelicFruitCake · 31/12/2023 06:52

Focus on your children.

WhatNoRaisins · 31/12/2023 07:28

Come on OP, listen to what this man is telling you with his silence.

JubileeJumps · 31/12/2023 07:35

Just reading about your relationship is making me feel anxious - I can’t imagine actually being in it!
This isn’t a relationship it’s a car crash.

Pottyberry · 31/12/2023 07:46

@lankly did you have gp support to stop citalopram? A sudden stop can really increase anxiety and cause problems? If it helps you maybe talk to.your Dr about medication.
He sounds nasty and selfish, break the cycle after the first feeling of panic you'll feel better and happier and one day wonder what you were thinking giving him any headspace

determinedtomakethiswork · 31/12/2023 07:50

I think what you should do is end it so that he doesn't have that power over you. This is a really awful relationship. You don't want your children growing up thinking that's normal. You don't want to put yourself through it either.

Send a message right at the end of his weekend, saying you have thought about things and It's not working for you so best of luck and on your way!

Cmonluv · 31/12/2023 07:50

lankly · 30/12/2023 13:29

I know you are all right it's effecting my mental health I have lost 2 stone this year 😢
He can be so loving and lovely and other times it's awful

You know you have a choice right?

You can say fuck off and block his number etc.

Do that.

Then take some responsibility for yourself and your 3 children who don't deserve to watch you be part of this shitshow of a relationship. Ask your GP for a referral for counselling and concentrate on sorting yourself out.

Cmonluv · 31/12/2023 07:52

lankly · 30/12/2023 23:07

Well he's stuck to his word and iv not heard from him 😢

Good.
Let the toxic relationship rot as it should, why would you be sad at not hearing from him?

Why is he important to you?

Where are your children in all this? Where is the rest of your life? There are soany more important things, why is this shit relationship consuming you?

Nicole1111 · 31/12/2023 07:58

I think you already know the answer to what you should be doing. It’s just about having the courage to leave. Hopefully his horrible treatment of you this weekend will give you that. Then you can start working on your self esteem. The book overcoming low self esteem would be a great place to start.

WhatNoRaisins · 31/12/2023 08:05

Agree with PP, you owe it to your innocent children to not have so much of your headspace taken over by this shitshow of a relationship.

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