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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To just have a time out from work ? For a year or so?

68 replies

palmerstree · 30/12/2023 11:24

I'm running on empty.

I have two preschool kids, a husband who is self employed and has very long hours and a full time job which requires me to travel quite a bit. I work from home most of the time, but I need to travel every couple of months it seems. That wasn't the arrangement at interview stage.

In any case, I'm not really having much fun in my job either. I'm stressed out a lot about my performance, as it's a target driven job. I'm not on target but neither are my colleagues. Management is starting to make things tighter and tighter around us and it's becoming quite horrible really. I'll have been in the role for a year in May.

Because I'm so stressed and basically handling everything alone with the kids ( they both go to nursery full time ), I'm just letting myself go. I have no time for exercise and really anything for myself and it's really starting to show in the way I look.

I've always been quite into dressing up and my looks and now I'm overweight and I can't wear anything other very loose clothes. I look absolutely disgusting. That's just the superficial part of it, without taking into account what it's doing to my health. I just can't catch a break.

I also suffer from a long term neurological condition which can cause disability in quite a lot of cases. I'm OK at the moment but I'm absolutely knackered tbh. The condition causes severe fatigue which I suffer from. I had a relapse in September as things were just too much. It's also really important that you stay physically strong and healthy for later when you have a condition like this and I just can't do it all. I can't work full time in this stressful job, do everything for the kids and house and also be very active at the gym etc. I just don't have it in me.

My H is really trying to build something with the business and he can't really do more at home tbh.

Would it unreasonable for me to pack in my job for a bit and really really focus on being healthy / losing weight. I would keep my oldest in nursery full time as she's nearly school age and is really thriving there. My youngest, who's under 2, I would still keep in nursery 3 days a week / or every day for a few hours. This way I could focus on myself and my wellbeing.

Financially, of course if I work it's better but we can easily afford for me not to work. I could always try going back in a year or finding a more chilled role. But I feel right now, I need to put my health first.

OP posts:

ThinWomansBrain · 30/12/2023 15:20

Why not discuss it with DH if it means that he will be the sole source of income?

Original poster

palmerstree · 30/12/2023 15:21

ThinWomansBrain · 30/12/2023 15:20

Why not discuss it with DH if it means that he will be the sole source of income?

He's fine with it..

OP posts:

Honeychickpea · 30/12/2023 15:25

It sounds like a good idea! As long as your husband gets to do a year long reset after you finish yours.

Original poster

palmerstree · 30/12/2023 15:26

Honeychickpea · 30/12/2023 15:25

It sounds like a good idea! As long as your husband gets to do a year long reset after you finish yours.

I'm not sure he would want to do that.

OP posts:

herbygarden · 30/12/2023 15:26

Do it OP. A reset sounds important. Then you can enjoy this time when your children are still small. Mine are a bit bigger and I already miss those days!

nutsnutspistachionuts · 30/12/2023 15:31

Honeychickpea · 30/12/2023 15:25

It sounds like a good idea! As long as your husband gets to do a year long reset after you finish yours.

Must have missed the part where the husband also had a chronic illness that would mean he’d eventually need a wheelchair!

OP you say you can easily afford it and your husband is on board. I’d do it.

Don’t go part time in your current job. If the business is pressuring everyone to hit targets and lots of people are missing tbem, that’s not healthy. It will get increasingly pressurised. Dropping down to part time will just mean you get paid less for the same pressure.

Do, however, consider registering as self-employed if you can. Even if you don’t take on many clients it is a good way to make gaps on your CV less prominent.

baubl · 30/12/2023 15:35

If you and your husband are happy with the idea, that's really all that counts. It sounds like you need a break and it will do you all good as a family.

DeniseLucy · 30/12/2023 15:37

Imagine the relief you’ll feel when you start your year of looking after yourself, a great investment in your future health I’d say.

Good luck OP 💐

Squiggles23 · 30/12/2023 15:38

Your kids are only small once OP! Life will probably be never quite like it again. If you can afford it go for it! You can always look for a job in a few months once you’ve had a break.

buckingmad · 30/12/2023 15:41

Do it! My only worry would be how does a break/going part time affect your savings/income for when you will have to stop work due to your long term illness? Have you factored in losing a year of pension contributions? Make sure even if you don’t claim child benefit that you are at least getting the NI credit for your state pension.

Original poster

palmerstree · 30/12/2023 15:48

Squiggles23 · 30/12/2023 15:38

Your kids are only small once OP! Life will probably be never quite like it again. If you can afford it go for it! You can always look for a job in a few months once you’ve had a break.

I can see myself naturally doing that. Or trying to do something else to make money or helping my H.

OP posts:

SeattleSpacePlane · 30/12/2023 21:06

According to this it is 18 weeks in total wi5 max 4 weeks a year, not 4 weeks every year!

@Stopmotion24 I don't see how what you've said is any different.

You CAN take 4 weeks per child EVERY year...up to a maximum of 18 weeks in total per child. Which is what I said...

Stopmotion24 · 30/12/2023 21:25

SeattleSpacePlane · 30/12/2023 21:06

According to this it is 18 weeks in total wi5 max 4 weeks a year, not 4 weeks every year!

@Stopmotion24 I don't see how what you've said is any different.

You CAN take 4 weeks per child EVERY year...up to a maximum of 18 weeks in total per child. Which is what I said...

SeattleSpacePlane I understood your original message as 4 week per year without a limit 😀

wombats78 · 31/12/2023 09:27

My pal had a year-off, he went around Latin America and up Annapurna, amongst other things. He then went back to work. It was fine.

Original poster

palmerstree · 31/12/2023 09:34

wombats78 · 31/12/2023 09:27

My pal had a year-off, he went around Latin America and up Annapurna, amongst other things. He then went back to work. It was fine.

Yeah I've seen on LinkedIn quite a few former colleagues had time outs for around a year and then went back to work.

I actually don't think it will be too difficult to do.

OP posts:

wombats78 · 31/12/2023 09:37

I've been in and out of work all my life (looking after elderly relative). The gap is now too big to just smile and blag but occasionally I quite fancy seeing if I could get another job.

I have done all sorts of odd jobs tho. Been really interesting.

Octavia64 · 31/12/2023 09:45

Speak to your employer and see if they will offer you a sabbatical.

Some employers offer them as standard.

Others don't but are effectively prepared to keep your job open for a year.

Two people at my previous workplace negotiated one despite it not being an official offer.

bctf123 · 25/03/2024 10:39

I'm doing this now and loving it in Asia. I have so much free time

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