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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why she didn’t just post in the group WhatsApp

65 replies

Cantkeepupwiththeterminology · 30/12/2023 10:22

Mum friend…a small group of us, meet with our kids, have nights out etc. We have a group WhatsApp we all communicate through, set up play dates, lunches, nights out and so on. A couple of weeks ago, one of the mums messaged me one to one (not on the group) inviting me to her party at New year. The group have met up before then and no one has mentioned it. I
messaged my closest friend from the group to ask casually if she was going, she is. Does anyone else find this a bit odd or am I overthinking 😂

OP posts:
LaurieStrode · 30/12/2023 10:49

Catza · 30/12/2023 10:32

What's the problem though? Everyone is invited and the mum invited them all with a personal message. Since when sending a personal message is considered sinister?

Exactly!!

Original poster
Cantkeepupwiththeterminology · 30/12/2023 10:49

It’s just unusual that no one has mentioned it on group chat or individually at meet ups etc, unless we’re all wondering the same and worried in case someone hasn’t been invited

OP posts:
Lavistam · 30/12/2023 10:50

You’re overthinking this, it’s not weird, easier to keep track of who is coming vs group chats and just nice to individually ask people.

Original poster
Cantkeepupwiththeterminology · 30/12/2023 10:50

@Catza Its not a problem or sinister, I’m just curious

OP posts:
DNLove · 30/12/2023 10:52

I think you are perhaps a niave of you think there aren't more chats going on outside of that group anyway. I have a group of 6 friends that app chat. We have one main chat but lots of spin offs for various conversations.

JMSA · 30/12/2023 10:54

Not weird at all Confused

AlanJohnsonsBeemer · 30/12/2023 10:54

She will have sent a broadcast message on WhatsApp to avoid having to send 30 individual messages, then because it wasn’t on the main group chat you all have all assumed some of the group are not invited so not mentioned it on the chat.

LittleMonks11 · 30/12/2023 10:55

I'd be more busy wondering what to wear, bring etc

Lauren83 · 30/12/2023 10:57

I posted on our school mums WhatsApp a few weeks ago asking if anyone fancied a drink before Christmas at ours with the kids, 32 bloody people came!!! In future will definitely direct message people to keep the numbers down a bit

squashi · 30/12/2023 10:57

She may have wanted to make the invites more personal. I also think people are more likely to reply to 1:1 messages - in group chats people wait to see what other people's responses will be.

Spirallingdownwards · 30/12/2023 10:57

It isn't odd that people haven't mentioned it in the group chat.

If people have been invited separately they might reasonably assume not everyone in the group is invited so they are polite enough not to potentially upset someone.

I agree if you stick an invite to all in a group chat people don't necessarily think it is specific to them and may not RSVP or feel they are invited as such. The individual invite very much lets you know you are wanted and puts more of an onus on you to answer.

Lauren83 · 30/12/2023 10:58

I also think people are more likely to confirm from a DM rather than a group message, so it may have been her way of trying to get an idea of numbers

Tilllly · 30/12/2023 10:59

Lauren83 · 30/12/2023 10:57

I posted on our school mums WhatsApp a few weeks ago asking if anyone fancied a drink before Christmas at ours with the kids, 32 bloody people came!!! In future will definitely direct message people to keep the numbers down a bit

🤣🤣🤣🤣 that's hilarious

MrsKwazi · 30/12/2023 10:59

Discretion? Everybody may not be invited, and that is fine too. Sometimes these group situations get a bit out of hand.

TrolleyCase · 30/12/2023 11:03

Are you hoping to discover that you are one of the few ‘chosen ones’?

soggybottomedfruitcake · 30/12/2023 11:08

Because if the two first ones declined the invite the rest would probably follow.

StockpotSoup · 30/12/2023 11:09

She probably wrote an invitation message and then just sent it to everyone she was inviting, rather than a mix of group chats and individual messages.

Original poster
Cantkeepupwiththeterminology · 30/12/2023 11:11

@AlanJohnsonsBeemer It was an individual message with my name etc and a little chat first then the invite

OP posts:
Lauren83 · 30/12/2023 11:12

@Tilllly I kept thinking (hoping) people would pull out but no one did, it was fine just chaos as the kids were all age 5/6!

Howmanysleepsnow · 30/12/2023 11:14

I’d message her to check if everyone in the group was invited so I knew if it was ok to mention it in there

RunnyPaint · 30/12/2023 11:16

If she is also inviting people not in your group, then keeping track of invites on an individual basis may be easier for her. Whatever her reason, it is probably less interesting than you think. Enjoy the party 😊

LuluBlakey1 · 30/12/2023 11:20

Non-event

AutumnNamechange · 30/12/2023 11:25

She might have an a list and a b list and was seeing who could come from her closest members of the group before extending the invitation. Honestly it’s not that weird at all. Do you overthink everything like this?

Ohthatsfabulousdarling · 30/12/2023 11:26

Either someone in the group isn't invited, or she has decided that it's nicer to invite people all individually because then no one thinks they were invited just because they were part of the group.

BonnieIou · 30/12/2023 11:27

If I had a list of 50 people to invite, I'd directly invite those 50 people. I wouldn't factor in who is on a what's app group and who isn't. I'd message people off my list one by one, personally.