Am I being weird??

[SquidGamez]

Neither me nor DH work but we do have hobbies which make a bit of money. With not working I was worried I’d become lazy so set up a “work” schedule.
Weekdays -
Get up at 6am.
6-7 - walk the dog
7-8 breakfast and shower
8-9 general tidy up
9-12 “work”
12-1pm - walk the dog
1-2 pm - lunch
3-4pm - piano
4-5pm dinner prep

I don’t do anything else between these hours and do not allow myself any distractions, do not answer the phone or door, no cups of tea, no TV.

DH is much more casual about his day and has no rota.

This morning DH wanted me to come to B&Q with him to choose some floor tiles. I told him I was working and would be free at weekend. He responded by saying I’m “fucking weird” and went in a strop basically.

So am I weird?! Or just organised?

I do try very hard not to make assumptions though @kittensinthekitchen because this is Mumsnet and that is also frowned on! Schrödingers diagnosis!

How to say 'I'm faaaaaaaacking loaded' without saying the words...🙄

If this is for real, then I do get it. The need for routine and predictability is obviously important to you. I'm not sure why you wouldn't just get a regular job though!

😂😂😂

Nobody has to share medical information on here, it’s not particularly relevant. More to the point in this case, it’s pretty flipping obvious from the OPs first post that this level of rigidity was not typical - ASD or a MH issue was my first assumption.

You’re not weird op. But your husband evidently likes changing up routine and would have liked you to be flexible. Could there be a compromise? He may be feeling bored and frustrated even if the very set routine makes you feel very secure.

Is that you Susan?

I think it's great. I hope you are HR too, handing out warnings and arranging disciplinary meetings when needed.

I think it's entirely relevant actually and op has been more than happy to volunteer both her financial situation and the fact that she is autistic @SpeedyDrama so I'm afraid I don't buy that.

I speak as the mum of an autistic son who would be horrified if I automatically assumed that every person with rigid outlooks and a need for tight schedules was autistic.

If your whole schedule has been invented to prove to yourself that you are not “lazy” then this is a problem. I have also had periods of not working and done things similar but I realised after therapy this was a coping mechanism. Please allow yourself to be flexible and realise your worth does not lie in what you do or achieve.

Ooh could I just say that just because we’re rigid with our routines, it doesn’t necessarily mean that we are rigid with out outlook?

I’m not a black and white thinker at all and find that way of thinking frustrating. My brain tends to be thinking of all options and going off on tangents while I’m having a conversation….that’s why my speech is slow and I’m looking around as I’m talking. It’s pretty standard for an infj autistic.

As a mum of autistic children I’m quite horrified that it’s ok to declare people weirdos and laughing at them until they divulge they’re autistic (and even then some will carry on). Why does it matter why the op is ridged or why she doesn’t work? Does knowing she has ASD now justify this in a way not having a diagnosis doesn’t?

Incredibly rigid!

Too rigid.

I love that you have a routine (fellow artist), but the point of not working is extra time for fun.

You’re not weird.

You’re certainly not ‘f**king weird’.

Your husband calling you ‘f*king weird’ is f*king weird.

So is his going off in a strop.

It’s actually undermining, controlling and immature.

Some people prefer - and need - a structured schedule. Many artists, writers, etc work this way. Consistency is key.

If your husband refuses to respect this and expects you to fall in with his plans (regardless of yours), that would suggest that he doesn’t respect you.

Does he have form for this kind of behaviour?

Bon.kers.

(also autistic, also weird, also likes structure and routine, still thinks this is bonkers)

🤣

Well I didn't say op was a weirdo and if you check my first post on this thread you'll see I was actually asking why they felt the need for such control. I didn't in any way participate in 'weirdo' talk, in spite of the fact that was how op decided to title the thread.

The point is that op IS autistic and had she stated that in her opening post, perhaps people might have been less brutal in their responses. Of course she doesn't have to disclose medical info but autism is well known to affect the need for routine etc but equally, making assumptions is also unhelpful as it can lead to inaccuracies and unhelpful responses.

I'm not the one calling op a weirdo. So maybe direct your ire to those who did.

This!

What about 2-3pm? What do you do then?

catch up time - ill do anything that I didn’t do enough of in the other time slots - or I play with the dog if I’m all caught up

Do you have one of those machines they used to have in factories for 'clocking in and out?

Maybe you could have 9-12 as protected time, but be flexible if your husband suggests something at other times. Pencil it in as a staff meeting, team-building activity, coffee by the water cooler, travelling to a conference, or research, for a few days away!

(You don't necessarily have to tell him you are doing this, but it might help to reframe it in your mind to fit your "work day")

@CandyLeBonBon - Did you think I was responding to you? I wasn’t. I was responding to the OP’s original post. Sorry for any misunderstanding. 💐

Sorry, @CandyLeBonBon - I see it wasn’t me.

🤣

No that was to a different poster apologies I meant to tag!