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AIBU?

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Original poster

10 year old attitude

35 replies

PostOfficeInTheCoop · 29/12/2023 17:32

Just home from spending a few days with my sisters family, the attitude of my 10 year old nephew shocked me somewhat but I'm not sure if IABU or if it's standard 10 year old behaviour? I don't have much experience of 10 year olds such just wondering if it's normal behaviour.... When spoken to he can completely ignore you even though he has definitely heard you, will answer if someone says did you hear me? Etc. He has a mobile phone and seems to be allowed free access to it, even out for families meals he's sat on it, I would say he's borderline obsessed with it. He can't seem to cope without some kind of technology. Can't/refuses to learn how to tie his own shoelaces, gets his parents to do it everytime. Will not engage in anything that takes effort (lego, puzzles etc). Just seems generally lazy/selfish. I probably sound awful but I don't mean too, he has plenty wonderful qualities. I just wondered what everyone else's 10 year olds are like?

OP posts:
rochethenut · 29/12/2023 17:34

out of interest

how often do you see him and ie close are you to your sister?

rochethenut · 29/12/2023 17:35

what it sounds like to me is piss poor parenting

Original poster
PostOfficeInTheCoop · 29/12/2023 17:35

Forgot to add, he was bought a Nintendo Switch for Christmas, he's talking about trading his old console in and putting his Christmas money together with it to buy a PS5 as well. Surely a 10 years old doesn't need 2 brand new consoles within a week? Parents don't seem bothered about him wanting this.

OP posts:
VisiblyNot25 · 29/12/2023 17:35

Difficult to say without knowing the individual kid - also kids can be very different in a situation where they’re out of their routine & surrounded by adults they’re not used to spending time with. But on balance, no my 10yo DS & his mates are not like this.

Notimeforaname · 29/12/2023 17:35

I work with young people from 10 up...sadly, many of them are the same. Lots of them cant tie their shoes or tell time on a clock. Itbwasnt like this 10 years ago. (I've worked with young people for 20 years) All obsessed with screens/phones. Wont play anything that involves effort to build or do. Playstation and Nintendo switch etc only.

Original poster
PostOfficeInTheCoop · 29/12/2023 17:36

rochethenut · 29/12/2023 17:34

out of interest

how often do you see him and ie close are you to your sister?

Not that often, we don't live close. We are quite close as siblings but don't see each other as much as we should, keep in contact regularly.

OP posts:
Original poster
PostOfficeInTheCoop · 29/12/2023 17:36

VisiblyNot25 · 29/12/2023 17:35

Difficult to say without knowing the individual kid - also kids can be very different in a situation where they’re out of their routine & surrounded by adults they’re not used to spending time with. But on balance, no my 10yo DS & his mates are not like this.

Very true! How would you describe them/what they like to do?

OP posts:
SeulementUneFois · 29/12/2023 17:37

Sounds like a little Boris in the making. ..

Notimeforaname · 29/12/2023 17:37

Surely a 10 years old doesn't need 2 brand new consoles within a week? Parents don't seem bothered about him wanting this

Again, a lot of the young people I work with will have switch, playstation , xbox, phone and tablet. A combination of them or all of them. I see young people being left out when they dont have a certain device to communicate with friends.

rochethenut · 29/12/2023 17:37

you have children op
…. how are old are they?

SeulementUneFois · 29/12/2023 17:38

(Boris Johnson I mean!)

Original poster
PostOfficeInTheCoop · 29/12/2023 17:38

Notimeforaname · 29/12/2023 17:35

I work with young people from 10 up...sadly, many of them are the same. Lots of them cant tie their shoes or tell time on a clock. Itbwasnt like this 10 years ago. (I've worked with young people for 20 years) All obsessed with screens/phones. Wont play anything that involves effort to build or do. Playstation and Nintendo switch etc only.

Interesting, He can tell the time on a none digital clock and is quite a clever lad he just doesn't seem to apply himself. I can see loads of intellectual potential in him!

OP posts:
Tacotortoise · 29/12/2023 17:38

Won't engage in anything that takes effort? Gaming takes effort.

When you say he ignores you, is this when he's busy on a phone/device? Chances are he's concentrating. Or if not, he's probably bored and tuned out.

Original poster
PostOfficeInTheCoop · 29/12/2023 17:39

rochethenut · 29/12/2023 17:37

you have children op
…. how are old are they?

I have a 4 year old.

OP posts:
Original poster
PostOfficeInTheCoop · 29/12/2023 17:40

Tacotortoise · 29/12/2023 17:38

Won't engage in anything that takes effort? Gaming takes effort.

When you say he ignores you, is this when he's busy on a phone/device? Chances are he's concentrating. Or if not, he's probably bored and tuned out.

True! Maybe I just think back to being that age and how rude it would be to ignore someone who had spoken to you? Things seem to have changed a lot with kids in a short space of time!

OP posts:
Original poster
PostOfficeInTheCoop · 29/12/2023 17:40

Notimeforaname · 29/12/2023 17:37

Surely a 10 years old doesn't need 2 brand new consoles within a week? Parents don't seem bothered about him wanting this

Again, a lot of the young people I work with will have switch, playstation , xbox, phone and tablet. A combination of them or all of them. I see young people being left out when they dont have a certain device to communicate with friends.

It just seems like so much at that age, I have it all to come I guess.

OP posts:
Notimeforaname · 29/12/2023 17:41

Interesting, He can tell the time on a none digital clock and is quite a clever lad he just doesn't seem to apply himself. I can see loads of intellectual potential in him!

Most of the young people are referred to my services for Apathy and lack of motivation. I can tell you, for me, ALL of this got so much worse after the pandemic.

The children tell us all the time that during those couple of years they did everything on devices, school, talking to friends, playing games.
They have learned to be this way.

It was easier and more comfortable at home, they could get away with doing less work and having more apps.

rochethenut · 29/12/2023 17:42

i don’t recognise this in any shape or form in my daughter (10) or any of her friends

and my son didn’t behave like that nor his friends either

now he’s a teen… and yes, that is a tricky time!

Notimeforaname · 29/12/2023 17:43

It just seems like so much at that age, I have it all to come I guess.

I speak daily with parents who have these issues. They want them off the devices and to socialise but most of their peers will be online if they dont get their child the devices, they dont stay up to date with their peers and are left out/taunted.

rochethenut · 29/12/2023 17:43

Did your sister talk about how he’s doing at school?

Barleysugar86 · 29/12/2023 17:44

My son can be like this sometimes out of our routine when he's tired. He's a few years younger. I think he's an introvert like me who just needs to create some alone space in between all the people things. I feel like some of the empathy goes away as they approach pre teen but I've heard it usually comes back!

Original poster
PostOfficeInTheCoop · 29/12/2023 17:46

rochethenut · 29/12/2023 17:43

Did your sister talk about how he’s doing at school?

She has in the past, he's average really. That sounds like a negative word but what I mean is he sits middle of the class, not the top or bottom of the class. Perhaps a little behind in English but enjoys other subjects, doesn't have behavioural problems at school or anything as far as I'm aware.

OP posts:
margotrose · 29/12/2023 17:49

If you only ever see him at special occasions, I wonder whether he's allowed free reign on his phone to stop him from moaning about being bored or being stuck with his younger cousins?

Not ideal but I can see why it would happen.

rochethenut · 29/12/2023 17:52

does any family see them regularly? like your parents for example?

VisiblyNot25 · 29/12/2023 17:59

PostOfficeInTheCoop · 29/12/2023 17:36

Very true! How would you describe them/what they like to do?

Show quote history

My DS and his mates are very sporty, so spend alot of time outside kicking a football about (I’m
guessing that might not have been possible for your nephew over xmas). They spend a lot of time chatting about football - swapping/ collecting football cards. They do all play on consoles - quite often on headsets so they can talk to each other as they play. He’s not very into Lego but he’s very into chess & other board games. He’s also a big reader - I don’t know if that’s as common amongst his peers, my eldest is a real book worm so he might’ve got it from her. Him & his mates can be a bit giddy/ wild but they’re generally sweet, chatty, well mannered lads.

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