Husband giving me silent treatment for one comment

[Whatdotheyknow]

To try to give enough information to not ‘drip feed’ but keep it as short as possible. Back story - marriage isn’t great, ‘D’H suffered with mental health issues and chronic fatigue for over a decade and had a full on breakdown 5 years ago when we had DC2. I think he may be bipolar but the psychiatrist didn’t think he behaviour was extreme enough. As he has been so ill I have taken on the majority of the load. I have always tried to be understanding of this but it’s difficult to separate what is him not being able to do stuff because of his health and him just not wanting to.

We have worked hard on trying to understand each other and we are currently probably in the best situation we have been for years with regards to sharing the load.

When he is ill he looks for circumstances to blame and in particular he thinks our house is a cause of his problems. I don’t really agree - there is work to do on it but it is a comfortable home and I have reasons for not wanting to leave.

Yesterday at lunch time he started up bring up moving again in front of the children. I said that I didn’t think it was appropriate to discuss in front of the children. He said I never think it’s a suitable time to discuss (he spent the vast majority of the previous day in bed and often goes to bed before the DC). And then didn’t speak to me since. I made dinner and he sat and ate it without looking at me or talking to me once. He left me with DC while he messed about on his computer. I am shattered and really needed the Christmas shutdown to recharged but spent yesterday feeling so stressed out and lonely.

I’ve tried speaking to him this morning to tell him I thought his treatment of me was wrong and he did answer to say that I am in the wrong as I ‘shut him down’ yesterday and silent treatment is resumed.

AIBU?

As well as the rest, like the silent treatment? I'd say exactly the same thing. The person doing the silent treatment needs to leave and live by themselves where they can be ill, mentally or otherwise in peace.

I think he is fair in wanting to not live In this middle land with regards to the house. Either make it a finished home or move somewhere else.

if you’re over whelmed with the clutter, declutter. Be harsh and get rid of lots of stuff. A tidy house is a tidy mind.

Sounds like the typical family Christmas row and the misery it brings. It happens up and down the country. Steady as she goes: you and he have made progress, he is now in stable employment - do you have a job outside the home as well? You live next to family and don't want to move, rightly so. That is a very valuable thing to have and good for the children. I would hold on to that.

I would concentrate on the positives in discussions with your husband and make some practical plans for you to do - for example, to declutter to improve the state and comfort of the house without renovations (costs nothing but organisation, time and energy, which are well worth it as it creates a feeling of uplift, renewal and freedom), to review your family finances, perhaps plan to save a bit till you feel more secure with a reserve fund, and if your husband's health and job stability continue, then reconsider whether you are confident enough to add to a mortgage to do a kitchen /additional renovation and improvement. Step by step you can improve the quality of life in the house.

I'd tell him to fuck right off. Useless, self absorbed bully