to feel like I just can't start over at 53?

[BlastedPimples]

Just finalising a divorce after a 20 year marriage the end of which was marred by lots of adultery (his), violence (his) and the mysterious disappearance of a lot of money (by him). It's gone. I have nothing.

I don't have a career. 4 dcs aged from 18 down to 11. Don't live in U.K. anymore. Don't want to for now as kids all settled in school. I don't think I would get any assistance with housing or anything in U.K. anyway as we've been out of the country for five years.

But whilst I have a part time job working for a charity - which I loathe but it pays for groceries and some bills - I just feel that at my age, I am well and truly shafted. Financially, career wise, damaged goods emotionally.

I'm not afraid of hard work. I just don't know which way to turn. Which path to take. Graft doesn't bother me but I would like to put my graft towards building something solid. I am clearly still in a bit of a tizz and can't really think straight anyway.

Perhaps I'm just tired and a bit defeated. Or being a wet blanket.

AIBU? And if I am, do chuck some solid advice in too not just a kicking!

Could you do some qualifications on line? Is the country you live in English speaking and if so TEFL might be a good start, or if it is English speaking TESL and teach English to immigrants.

I do have a TEFL teaching qualification but last taught 20 that 20+ years ago.

Agree with previous poster, I'm 53 and live abroad and have retrained having done my CELTA. I actually did it years ago in the UK when we were on children's school holidays - paid for one that I could do as intense course . Also look at online editing and content writing . Good luck ! For a pep have a listen to Gabby Logan's podcast midpoint and a lot of other podcasts that will echo that we've only just started to get going!

Never, ever refer to yourself as damaged goods.
Save that title for your ex.
You won't know how remarkable and strong you truly are, until you look back one day. I've got the t-shirt
Best of luck (and no, it's not too late)

You are a strong woman always, physically, mentally & spirituality

You can & you will carry on for yourself & your children

You will do the best & be the best woman

Is your ex paying child maintenance to you ?

Now is the chance for your freedom
You don't need a man
Do you have any family or friends that can help you ?

Definitely not too late though it must all feel so bleak right now!

My mum turned a hobby for exercise classes into a thriving business when she wasn’t much younger than you - it kept a roof over our heads and food on the table when my parents split and she’s still doing it now (considerably older than you!). Is there anything you enjoy doing? It would make the shit part time job easier to bear if you knew you were working towards an end goal, whether that’s qualifying in something you can then use to make money or setting up an Etsy shop or literally anything you like. My mum taught me that it’s never too late and you can achieve anything.

This is the rubbish bit but the beauty is you’re about to hit the exciting phase of taking your own life back for you and your kids. You’ve already taken the hardest step and you are stronger than you feel right now.

Ha! I don't feel strong.

I might if I could just get a handle on a direction. A focus. A drive. Something to really go for.

I'm scared to just drift. Another year older and still not knuckled down to a vision.

This sounds hard.

What support do you have? Family or friends in the UK or elsewhere who might … handhold a bit? What about your soon to be ex-in laws (if any)? They’re still the children’s grandparents. No support from them?

And where do you stand legally in the country you’re in? Are you not entitled to any help at all?

Oh I get a bit of help as a single parent here.

But I would like really plan and focus and get ahead myself. But can't see how. Too old? Too tired? Too depressed?

Dcs have two grandparents left. Very elderly and U.K. based. Not up to travel and I can't afford to take them there. It's just me really. STBXH pops up once a month to see the dcs.

And I have good friends in the U.K. who have been amazing and a few friends here too. I have support. I just want to create a solid financial future but think it's impossible.

Which country are you in?
What help are you entitled to there?
I'm in Austria and certain sectors are crying out for staff: nursing, teaching and gastronomy in particular. There are all kinds of government schemes to get people easily and quickly in to those careers with financial support. Perhaps you could see what schemes are on offer in your country and if you are interested in any of the areas.

Meanwhile, I would suggest you could advertise your services as a native speaker English language tutor. I do that and I have a lot of work. You can fit it around your part time job and increase your income while reassessing what you want to do with your life. Be careful though about bureaucracy, taxes and health insurance contributions though so that you don't get caught out. And you will need to charge enough to cover all of those - don't sell your service too cheap.

You are not shafted and you are not damaged goods. It is going to be difficult and hard work but you will get there and you will be much better off emotionally now that you have got rid of what sounds like an awful husband. Your self esteem is probably low after years of abuse so you probably automatically assume you won't be able to start again but you can and you will!

I meant English language tutor as in 1-to-1 lessons privately rather than in some kind of language college (which might also be a possibility at some point)

The English language hasn't changed much in 20years, but perhaps you could do a refresher course. You could contact some local language schools and sit in on some classes.

Ref financial advise

In UK the Government has had stories in the news promoting jobs for people aged over 50. There are return to work schemes, career changes schemes etc. There is no compulsory job retirement age now, so people are having second & third careers (unless one needs to be fit like an airline pilot) I have seen lots of jobs for Civil service, schools, hospitals
Do you have equivalent schemes where you live ?

In the UK you need approx 35 years of National Insurance contributions gained from work or benefits per person to be able to claim your own indiviual state pension. You can pay this if you live abroad I believe. Would you be eligible for a state pension where you live ?, it is worth investigating how & what is required. In UK your state pension age would probably be 67 or 68

Does your PT current job pay the below ?
If not, I would suggest looking for other job
Sick pay
Holiday pay
Bonus
Private health care
Private pension contributions
Other perks
Death in service/life insurance
Expenses

I know people who have made extra cash
Renting a room or loft for storage
Renting their driveway for parking
Hosting foreign students
Foster carer children or pets
Airb&b
Sell fresh eggs ?

I believe that selling crafts on sites like Etsy is over saturated, unless you sell high quality items. Plus you need money to invest in supplies

I would suggest that you work smarter, not harder.

Some people may suggest re training to get a better paid career. You have 20 years left to work, with more years if you work over state pension age.

Good luck !

Apologies

Nobody is going to magically give you a dream job !

Ask family & friends if they can recommend you for a better paid job with promotion prospects or some or all of the benefits that I outlined below
Some companies offer "refer a friend schemes"

Investigate local courses

Update your CV

UK only

https://www.gov.uk/check-state-pension

When my aunt left my uncle she returned to the UK and took a job as a live in carer.

This enabled to save, pay and top up her stamps and be in the UK long enough to make herself eligible for stuff.

There is a lot of rent capped housing for 55+ via the HAs and alms houses (not just the council).

stop immediately all the old nonsense. Companies want good people and if you’re good you’ll do well.

so what to do….

i would choose something techy or marketing. Lots of opportunity. Data analyst - find a course for this. Start off as a marketing assistant, you will move up v quickly.

OR grow a business. Something where you can manage other people to do it so you can make more money. Cleaning etc. you just have to be v organised and good and polite with people.

don’t do any craft things no money.

you are right to worry about drift. Make a plan. You could look at this as terrifying or scary exciting depending on your view.

certain sectors are crying out for staff: nursing, teaching and gastronomy in particular.

I was going to suggest the same as @exttf . Consider sectors that are desperate for new recruits and you may find that there are all sorts of training schemes available. With four children, I presume that you also want something with a regular salary that doesn’t vary too much so you can budget.

I’m 49 and considering making a career switch to a sector that needs people, it can be done. 💐

@MuddyBootTracks432 thank you so much for your input and great advice

I don't expect anyone to give me a dream job at all.

I am half filled with self doubt and lack of direction is all and it paralyses me.

I will reread all the super advice and info on this thread.

Thank you very much!

Although I do think learning to become a data analyst is probably beyond me. SQL! I remember grappling with that during my MSc and not getting it AT ALL.

Was thinking about finance maybe. AAT courses in accounting or book keeping?

If you have a MSc, many countries are crying out for Science teachers-or Maths if you’re strong in that as well.

It may not be your dream job, but teaching can be very rewarding.

It's an MSc in marketing from 1999 and is very very outdated given the tech and digital revolution over the last 25 years that I have not kept abreast of.

You still have it though. Remmeber people want to hire good people. Just because you’ve not worked for a bit doesn’t mean you are not a good person. Back yourself!!

" I just feel that at my age, I am well and truly shafted."

Suppose someone is 36yo but has a life-limiting condition, something like Peutz J. syndrome, and can expect to have decent health then get sudden illness and die about age 50. Would you say to them "Oh your life is over already!" I wouldn't tell them their life was over at 36 just because their life expectancy was about 14-16 more years.

Same message to OP. You can expect another 15 yrs of working life minimum. Please don't fall for prejudice or perpetuate it, that life is over at age 50+.