Not trying to be cryptic, just didnt want it to be so long.
Examples include the expectation that we would be seeing them once a week when we first got together (we both work full time).
The expectation that my MIL would be coming with us as a couple to choose things for our new home, decisions that we just needed to make together without any input from anyone else. If we need help we do ask, but are capable of making our own decisions aged late 30s, mid 40's at the time.
The fact that she thought she would be over at our house every 2 minutes e.g DH and I bought a new bed, she had only been over at our house 2 days before it was delivered and I get a message asking specifically if she can come over again just to see the bed! It's just all abit intense!
The comments (that still happen now) about not seeing us enough e.g recently hosted in laws, bils, sils and nieces at our house for my husbands bday and afterwards had a text from MIL saying it was nice but emphasising how rare it is that everyone gets together (unless you live in their pockets they don't like it).
Pressure from MIL to me e.g. my mum was in a music concert that DH and I were going to one afternoon and after the concert we were going for a celebratory meal with my mum in a location far away from inlaws house. My MIL tried to pressure me to go to MILs house after the concert to see her, FIL and BILs and SILs who were going that afternoon. Inlaws house is no where near the concert. Why should I rush what was my mums afternoon/time and celebration to get back to my inlaws for no particular reason?for context my mum lives alone and I was the only one supporting her at the concert.
If MIL texts with an Invitation to something, she'll be on the phone straight after following it up with a call straight away to understand if we are going- again its intense and you feel badgered.
Other examples include when we got engaged and my DH had a plan to take me to London to get a ring made for me (it was the most beautiful gesture) and everyone bar one lady at work (who was grumpy) and my MIL were positive about it. MIL whispered in my ear 'you don't have to buy one'. It felt as if she really didn't want me to get the ring.
MIL also hankers after things that my DH buys me. E.g such as beautiful pair of earrings he bought me which she made it clear she wanted. It just felt weird.
She will often want to buy the exact same things we buy for the house, which I find a little odd. I guess I'm used to my own mum saying 'oh I won't get that as I know you've got the exact same thing'. It's like my own mum gives me space to be more independent.
There are more examples. I think historically my DH, who didn't marry me he was 45 and I late 30s had always been a yes person and I think I've come in and gone, no I'm not saying yes to everyone and everything and they don't like it.
A good example was just the other day when my FIL commented that my BILs had moaned a bit to him that my DH hadn't been able to do certain things they wanted him to do. For context we have been going through a lot with this pregnancy so have had to make some changes to our lifestyle, but in any event DH sees them both every week at the football and then any other social occasions that happen. I don't understand what more people want from us.
I understand historically pre me, that MIL has tried to control DH and that DH did reach breaking point.
There are other examples, but what do you think? AIBU? Any advice for keeping things in check going forward and not letting it worry me?