Leaving DC alone at night

[6079SmithW]

Background - My ex DH and co parent our children which includes sharing Christmases. This year was my ex DH’s turn to have our two DD. They are lower senior school age (think year 7/year 8).
I was at my mum’s for Christmas as we were both alone. It is a three hour coach journey away. I got home yesterday.

Anyway the AIBU - yesterday due to the storm my coach was running nearly two hours late. It left at 17:20 instead of 15:30. I spoke to ex DH who insisted on leaving the DD at my house from 19:30 whether I was there or not as he wanted to go out. I was really concerned about the girls being at home on their own given the time, that it’s dark and at that point I had no idea of my arrival time. My ex DH was really angry and wouldn’t be reasoned with.

AIBU to think that he should have kept the DD until I got home or am I being overly cautious and should agree to leaving them alone in the house at night?

Of course, he should have kept them until you got home. What a complete arsehole he is.

You're not being unreasonable at all. As the PP as said, an arsehole.

Your ex put his desire to go out before the welfare of his kids. He's a crap dad.

If he knew when you were getting home then I don’t think leaving a 12 and 13 year old alone for half hour or so is a problem. But he had no idea if your coach was going to get there at all, due to the weather, so could have potentially been leaving them overnight. Which makes him a dick head.

What's their actual ages?

12/13/14, perfectly alright to be left alone for hour or so, unless there special needs circumstances

Year 7/8? lower senior? what ages are those? we don't all live in England.

I agree.

Year 7 is 11/12 years old. Year 8 is 12/13 years old.

But the coach had already been delayed, weather was bad, op may not have made it home until midnight, op may have not made it home. Girls could have been waiting up all night / waking up to an empty house, with a Mom who's phone is dead and a Dad who think he's only a parent during scheduled hours

I also agree, perfectly reasonable age to be left alone for a few hours.

Senior school age, I would be fine with leaving them for a few hours.

Was he nearby for them, OP, and able to come back if your coach was delayed even further?

Secondary school age kids are fine to be alone at home . Not a problem . Good for them to learn some independence .

I expect they’d have been fine at their age to be home alone but that’s not the point is it, he ditched them not knowing what time you’d be home at all.
What he’s done there is let his daughters down and shown how uncaring he is when it’s not “his time”.

I have no problem whatsoever leaving my 12 year old plus kids. They are old enough to do this, and if they're not, then need to learn to be.

But he didn’t know it would only be for an hour or two.
OP was he prepared to come back if you had got stuck somewhere?

I think it's fine to leave kids this age a couple of hours but considering that your coach was delayed and the weather was bad so you had no real expected arrival time and could have been delayed for a while I think he was unreasonable to leave them or atleast leave them without accepting he might have to be called back to them if you were even more delayed.

My secondary aged dc are at home for 1.5 hours every weekday before I get home. Completely normal around here. The fact it's a bit later in the evening doesn't impact on safety in any way I can think of.

Going against the grain but I actually think it's pretty poor form to leave your children to "go out" if you only have them 50% of the time. Not because of the ages but because why would he not want to spend as much time as possible with them? He can go out any time they're not there.

I’m guessing he felt his time had ‘finished’ as mum was meant to be back?

Hmmm, I agree that NT secondary school age DC should be able to look after themselves for a couple of hours. They were probably just plugged into screens/tv. But, the weather yesterday was pretty atrocious and you could have been further delayed. It would have been more reasonable of him to keep them with him.

It's one of those situations where in an ideal rosy world, he'd not mind at all and wait with them at your house, which you'd have not minded either. in reality, he thinks he is "free" to make plans from 6pm or whatever and has done so and is understandably irritated to have yobdelay or cancel. Arguably, the onus is in you to arrange childcare such as a grandparent to pop round if you're late back.
As to their ages, yes it's fine for a couple of hours do long as the house was warm, food available etc given mum had also been away.

I think to answer this I'd need to know their age and level of maturity.

Assume they'd been fed before he left?

That's a very weird attitude though. It's not a transaction, they're kids. It wouldn't have killed him to wait a couple of hours.