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Original poster

To have felt patronised by this

36 replies

Tootsey11 · 28/12/2023 09:42

I'm a cleaner, and this occurred in the last house cleaned before Xmas break.

I was a few minutes from being finished, just mopping last floor when owners came back. Said they had been rushing to get back as no payment had been left and they didn't want to miss me. This is normal by the way, I have to wait on one of them turning up with payment on each clean, usually at the end of the clean.

Anyway, payment was set on worktop, I was getting my cleaning stuff together, taken out to car, I saw they needed change so left the £4 on the worktop and wished them a Merry Christmas. Went out to get into car when the woman came after me and said here Tootsey, "take that" and pushed the 4 pound coins into my hand and said "a wee bit of money for Christmas for ya".

This is someone about 20 years younger than me. I felt patronised and small. They seemed awkward in the house and I felt as if they wanted me out as quickly as possible.

How would you have felt if someone had done that to you?

OP posts:
Fynoderee · 28/12/2023 09:49

Well, as none of my clients gave any cash tip, I’d appreciate it. Maybe they could have just said ’keep the change’ rather than present it as a Christmas gift.
I’m not sure I really understand why you feel patronised? Because it was a small amount? Because they called it Christmas money?

Perhaps ask them to pay by bank transfer/standing order in future too so no need to for them to be there when you clean/be in the way when you’re packing up.

Hellocatshome · 28/12/2023 09:55

It wouldn't bother me but then I am notoriously thick skinned.

ManateeFair · 28/12/2023 10:00

If they’d just said “Oh, keep the change!” that would have been fine. But describing £4 as ‘a wee bit of money for Christmas’ is definitely patronising.

Wishimaywishimight · 28/12/2023 10:05

Extremely patronising, something you would say to a child.

KingsleyBorder · 28/12/2023 10:10

I agree £4 is completely patronising and the “wee bit of money” wording very infantilising. I gave my cleaner a cash bonus for Xmas, it was 50% of what he normally charges for a full clean. I pay by bank transfer so just added it on and said “money sent plus a Xmas bonus, Happy Christmas”.

I had actually been wondering if 50% was a bit tight.

Allfur · 28/12/2023 10:12

Yes they should have given you a proper amount as a Christmas bonus, stingy gits

Catsknowbest · 28/12/2023 10:14

Yes it is patronising. A proper bonus in a Christmas card would be what I would do.

HappyBusman · 28/12/2023 10:14

I think the only possible answer to that is leaving a silence before saying ‘… Thank you’ in a slightly disbelieving way.

Fizbosshoes · 28/12/2023 10:14

I think its patronising
Either say don't worry about the change or give a meaningful amount of money as a Christmas bonus

EvilElsa · 28/12/2023 10:16

Cringing for her.
'Don't worry about the change' would have been fine, but acting like £4 is a bonus is embarrassing. Maybe it just came out wrong.

HulaChick · 28/12/2023 10:17

I honestly can't see the issue, other than you saying thank you. Why feel patronised?

ChihuahuasREvil · 28/12/2023 10:17

Well, she was being accurate, £4 is a wee bit of money. I’d have just laughed and said thank you. No point getting upset about it. You can’t win in that situation so don’t try.

margotrose · 28/12/2023 10:18

I'd have just smiled and said thank you. It really wouldn't occur to me to get offended about it.

Original poster
Tootsey11 · 28/12/2023 10:23

It was the way it was said that made me feel like "here, take that, you need it kinda way". She pressed the coins right into the centre of my hand hard. It wasn't the amount that was the problem.

Everyone else put it in with the usual pay in a card.

When I started with this client I thought she in particular was very nice, pleasant and chatty. But as time has went on I have found her very difficult and extremely fussy. Stating her house is very dirty and how it needs extra cleaning. It's like a show home all the time and I'm cleaning nothing as there's nothing to clean.

OP posts:
HappyBusman · 28/12/2023 10:26

HulaChick · 28/12/2023 10:17

I honestly can't see the issue, other than you saying thank you. Why feel patronised?

You can’t see why someone pressing four pound coins into your hand as if you were a small child getting money for sweets or a beggar wouldn’t make someone feel patronised?

Original poster
Tootsey11 · 28/12/2023 10:27

It was the way they were looking at each other in the kitchen before I got finished. They might as well have just said can you leave now please.

OP posts:
margotrose · 28/12/2023 10:42

I think it was just an awkward situation. I'm also self employed and hate being handed cash at the best of times!

They probably didn't want to say they needed change and it's always going to be a bit weird to tell someone to keep such a small amount of money.

KingsleyBorder · 28/12/2023 10:45

Tootsey11 · 28/12/2023 10:27

It was the way they were looking at each other in the kitchen before I got finished. They might as well have just said can you leave now please.

You said they always come at the end of the clean to pay you, was the atmosphere different this time?

It’s likely something else was going on between them that day and nothing to do with you.

pizzaHeart · 28/12/2023 10:52

Maybe it was something going on with them? It might be something very simple e.g they wanted to hide a child’s present before they come back or they wanted to have sex. Then when you were out husband asked wife if she’s done you a card /tip for Xmas. And wife realised she didn’t.
If you don’t like them in general (and it seems you don’t) you will tend to look suspiciously on everything they’ve done/ said to you.
However they did handled it weirdly, they should have gave you a card and a bonus. Are you their first cleaner?

Notthatcatagain · 28/12/2023 10:57

I gave my cleaner an extra weeks pay and a jumper that I knew she wanted. I really value what she does for me and hope she will still be here this time next year. If I had genuinely only had £4 to spare I would have given her a box of chocolates, nicely wrapped

Pipistrellus · 28/12/2023 11:02

I'd have been fine with it. £4 would buy me a couple of boxes of eggs or similar, I'm fussy with things like chocolates.

HoHoHoliday · 28/12/2023 11:10

It may sound a little patronising but I very much doubt it was intended to be that way. But seeing how you describe them and how you feel about them, why not drop them as one of your jobs and relieve yourself of that tension?

EdinGirl · 28/12/2023 11:13

Maybe they had had an argument or had some really bad news.
Maybe she has OCD (the obsession with her spotless house).

Maybe she has social anxiety (I do) and we say awkward things and phrases because we are massively overthinking.

Maybe they had forgotten to get your bonus and were thinking "oh shit".

There are a lot of reasons that are probably to do with her and also not actually malicious. She could be massively overthinking that interaction and cringing right now.

I wouldn't worry or take offence unless other things showed a mean character.

thetworonnies · 28/12/2023 11:45

It could be perceived as patronising but perhaps they're just a bit awkward. I'd give them the benefit of the doubt and forget about it.
I was really unsure about what to do for my cleaner as this is the first time we've had one and she's only been around twice.

Iouis · 28/12/2023 11:51

I dont think it's patronising I'd just say thank you.

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