Christmas day upset and boredom

[Lucky2shoes]

I'm feeling so down about another Christmas day let down. Just a family of 3 I wanted a bigger family but it didn't happen.
Had Christmas day with my ex and 23 year old son it was also my sons birthday same day and whilst I love him loads he can be difficult and disinterested in Christmas and his birthday as a whole.
We used to have so much more activity when my parents where alive with all extended family getting together Christmas day but last 2 years everybody has done thier own thing with my sister who has a large family plastering her photos all over the WhatsApp group of a big crowd getting together.
I know this is my issue but I feel so sad.

Would you have liked to spend Christmas with your sister and family? If yes could you get in early ready for next Christmas and offer to host them?

I can't I live in a pokey 1 bed flat and I doubt they would come anyway

My niece sisters daughter loves to host she's very much into it so they all went there

You sound quite negative about your sister. Is it possible she has picked up on that?

Maybe most likely I just feel depressed about how things have gone since parents died

I'm sorry to hear about your parents. That sounds very difficult.

How do you generally get on with your sister? How much do you see her? Could you tell her how you're feeling, arrange to see her over next Xmas or do things differently?

Christmas can stir up all sorts of feelings about family, especially when things change, eg a death or kids growing up.

I suggest you think about what would make you happiest next year and take steps to achieve that.

Counselling might help your depression too. 💐

Do something different like long country walk or volunteer at a Christmas dinner for the elderly or work extra hours? Don't feel tied to the stay at home all day doing nothing which can feel so claustrophobic. Presents are not exciting for adults and if you don't see anyone different it's bound to be dull. Some of my best Christmases have been the ones when I had to work.

Then arrange to see sister's family on a different date around Christmas when the pressure is off.

I would expect a lot of 23 year olds to be not that fussed about Christmas.

I'd also suggest doing something completely different next Christmas.

I think OP that parents can be the glue that keep the family together. I have 4 siblings, one invited me to their house. I spent Christmas by myself, which suited me. Make peace with what you have.

Make new memories. Have you got a friend in a similar position who might like to do something totally different ?

Would your sister / niece not invite you? (You and your Ds?)

Sometimes there comes a moment to reinvent things like Christmas. Go away with single friends while adult children get together with their friends. Volunteer for a Christmas homeless or care leavers project . Go on a walking holiday somewhere hot, or whatever.

Sorry about the loss of your parents, the hole , and the new family structure, are keenly felt at Christmas.

Maybe if I'd asked they'd have invited me but I'm not really in thier loophole

Niece's sister's daughter? Is there quite an age gap between you and sister?

Maybe ask if you can join them next year. I can’t imagine spending xmas with an ex would be enjoyable at all

My sister is 16 years older than me

unless you are religious then any disappointment in Christmas is ridiculous.

I wouldn't ask id wait for a invite also my son will probably show zero interest in going and because its his Christmas and birthday id feel guilty leaving him

I get what you mean @Lucky2shoes

If you wait for an invite you’ll be waiting your entire life.
You either suck up your boring xmas with your son (it doesn’t have to be boring it’s what you make of it) or you ask your sister to join them and ask your son to come along too.
Or maybe your son can spend xmas with his dad, then you don’t have to have a miserable day hanging out with an ex

I do have a new partner but his religion doesn't celebrate Christmas

I'd feel like I'm intruding tbh

What would your idea Christmas look like?
Leave your son out of it.
At 23 he'd probably be happier doing his own thing anyway.

Ridiculous, unfeeling thing to say. If you're religious, you celebrate Jesus's birth. That has happened; nothing can change that.

But Christmas can be a disappointment in many ways, whether or not you're religious.

Maybe time to stop being positive and arrange what you want instead of waiting to be asked?

And why worry about what your adult dc wants if he's not bothered about Xmas either?

Passive, not positive!