To be thinking about going on holiday without my husband but with our baby?

[Sevendayhigher]

My family are planning a trip far away abroad and have invited me, my husband and our baby along (although they’re aware it’s not really my husband’s thing). My husband doesn’t want to go because he wouldn’t enjoy it (it’s a Disneyland trip) and he doesn’t want to spend the money it would cost for him to go because of that, but also doesn’t really want me to go alone with our baby too as he’s sad about the idea of me going away with our baby without him and will feel left out of our son's first trip abroad, plus he’s said he’s a little worried about the distance from him if something were to happen (although it’s mainly about feeling left out of a family holiday with our son). What’s more, I don’t really want him to go on a Disney holiday he’d rather not be at because the whole point is to be enthusiastic and have fun, which I really don’t think he will!

He’s not said I can’t go at all and has actually said I should go because he wants me to have a nice time. The thing is, I do get where he’s coming from - I wouldn’t want to go on an expensive trip I wasn’t interested in but equally wouldn’t want him to go on his own with our baby, so I do appreciate his feelings about it. He also feels bad about having those feelings and told me I should go if I’d enjoy it, but I don’t want to if he’s not happy about it because I just won’t have fun and will feel bad. Part of me also feels a little sad that he won't be there for our son's first trip away.

I think what’s worrying me even more is that my family are almost certainly going to misinterpret this as some kind of controlling move on his part where he’s “not letting me go because he doesn’t want to go”, and I can’t really face trying to explain to them that this isn’t the case. I know that it isn’t to do with that - it’s just FOMO and the fact it’s our son’s first trip abroad, but it’s an added worry to have to explain it. Ultimately I care more about upsetting my husband than I do about upsetting my family, which is why it’s not really a case of me upsetting someone either way so just making the decision based on what I want!

What’s worrying me is that I do want to go. I haven’t even been on a night out (which I know is very different from a trip away) but I do feel like I really need something that’s not just about the baby. Then again I do think I’d feel the same way in my husband’s position and it doesn’t feel quite right that he’s not there for our baby’s first trip away. It’s been left to me to decide whether I still want to go but I’m really not sure I’ll be able to enjoy it knowing my husband didn’t want this.

Can anyone help me out with this one?

If it were me I’d prioritise spending that money on a nice trip for the family that both DH and I would enjoy. I’d miss my partner if I went on a big trip without him, both in terms of feeling like he’s missing out on an early experience and massively in terms of practical support. Going away with a baby can be quite a challenge in some ways and I’d want his help!

You are right to be more concerned about your husband than the rest of your family. You, your husband and your baby are your family now and must come first.

I am presuming if you do this trip it means you will be less in a position to do a family holiday for the three of you? If so, that would be the end of it right there but even if money is not a factor, it sounds like you want first holiday to be a shared experience. So just tell your family that you three have other plans.

I am a huge Disney-fan by the way, I have been six times since the pandemic and go back in January and I would say it is no place for babies. I feel sorry for the younger children that go too, they always look hot, over whelmed, confused and exhausted. I’d keep this trip until the child is at least six years old.

How ridiculous! You are still a person with your own aspirations. It’s healthy to teach your kids autonomy and that you don’t always have to do things as this nuclear family unit. Yes you may miss them but it makes it sweeter when you’re together again. Would you say the same if the man was going on a stag do for example?

OP. People always make the woman feel guilty about doing what they want as they are supposed to sacrifice everything for their family. Times are changing and you should go, with ot without baby. You’ll manage just fine either way. And so will DH.

@Aprilx "You are right to be more concerned about your husband than the rest of your family. You, your husband and your baby are your family now and must come first. "

This really is rubbish. It so depends on circumstances.

It's not just rubbish. It's an abuser's charter.

You want to go. Your DH says you should go. I think that's a go.

Presumably your DH won't become more interested in Disney as the years roll on, I'd go as long as your wider family are happy to pitch in with the baby so you get a holiday not an endurance test.

It's healthy to be able to have some independence within a relationship, if you want to go get it booked. The quandry is really his rather than yours.

We have been in this exact situation. I was the party unwilling to in our case though. I would say to family "thanks for the invite, but we are going to wait until baby is a bit older to do Disney" and leave it there.

Book a family holiday somewhere else for the three of you.