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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm leaving him but AIBU

41 replies

Shyam35 · 27/12/2023 19:08

The final straw was on holiday our dd3 ran in towards the sea he said f this and started walking back to the beach bar. I ran after her and a big wave came and covered her, I managed to get her up but fell down in the process the lifeguard came to pull both of us from the water the resort doctor came and checked us over I have Rheumatoid arthritis and managed to damage a ligament in my toe during the sea struggle. He was in the bar looking on (apparently he couldn't see from his pint glass what was happening). The first thing he asked was where was his phone (it was in my beach bag and got soaked, it wouldn't turn on)He then said how come his phone isn't working but mine is? Wtf your daughter and I nearly drowned!! I attempted to explain what happened with a resort staff member but he then went in rant and said I owe him an apology as I was looking after his property and it was damaged. He then asked why I didn't take my bag off before jumping in after our DD. The staff member looked at me in disbelief He said I was irresponsible and he wanted me to pay for his phone. The member asked me if I was safe and okay. I was so angry but instead, I just walked off with our daughter and cried. Some more staff members and holidaymakers came to console me but I was so embarrassed and humiliated all I could do is let out a little shriek. He then send me an email invoice for his phone and give me 3 suggestions of phones he liked. So 3 weeks before my 35th bday I'm getting divorced. AIBU

OP posts:
LividStrike · 27/12/2023 19:09

Errrr I’m assuming you are still in shock because this is one of the shittiest things I’ve ever heard and I’ve been divorced twice.

Are you still on holiday now? Can you get away from him?

Kitkatfiend31 · 27/12/2023 19:09

YANBU nothing else to say.

Honeyglazed · 27/12/2023 19:10

Why would you bu?

SausageAndEggSandwich · 27/12/2023 19:11

I am honestly lost for words. Deffo YANBU.

TheSnowyOwl · 27/12/2023 19:11

I really can’t understand why you are asking and it’s concerning if it’s genuine that you think there is a reason that you wouldn’t be being unreasonable.

ChannelyourinnerElsa · 27/12/2023 19:13

What on earth are you asking for? You know you aren’t, don’t you? Surely.

Conkersinautumn · 27/12/2023 19:16

Well, keep the invoice - that can be one of the examples of the unreasonable behaviour he is exhibiting.

ToWhitToWhoo · 27/12/2023 19:18

How horrible of him! No, YANBU.

Tittiesthattouchmytors · 27/12/2023 19:18

The staff member looked at me in disbelief He said I was irresponsible and he wanted me to pay for his phone. The member asked me if I was safe and okay. I was so angry but instead, I just walked off with our daughter and cried. Some more staff members and holidaymakers came to console me but I was so embarrassed and humiliated all I could do is let out a little shriek

They were asking you, if you were in “safe’, because they suspected that you were victim of DV, because of his attitude toward you and your child. ‘Safe’ is a code word for being safe with your husband/partner. He is being completely unreasonable, and you should do everything you can to remove yourself and your child, as far as possible from his influence. His behaviour is not the behaviour of a caring and loving father or partner.

Get out as soon as you can.

LSTMS30555 · 27/12/2023 19:19

YANBU
Keep that invoice for evidence of his unreasonable behaviour and also I'd been really concerned he thought more about a fucking phone than his daughter wtf

I'd be asking for supervised visits he's obviously not capable of prioritising her safety.

givemethetea · 27/12/2023 19:20

Please fight for him to only have supervised access to the kids

NowItsSpring · 27/12/2023 19:34

YANBU at all. Have you thought about getting something in writing from staff who were present confirming what happened. I can imagine a lot of gaslighting from your 'D'H when you initiate divorce.

WorriedMum231 · 27/12/2023 19:36

SausageAndEggSandwich · 27/12/2023 19:11

I am honestly lost for words. Deffo YANBU.

Ditto. I have nothing else 😮

pictoosh · 27/12/2023 19:37

Uh no. He's callous.

Trinity69 · 27/12/2023 19:37

YANBU and he’s a cunt.

Abbimae · 27/12/2023 19:38

Get home safe love and get evidence of this behaviour x

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 27/12/2023 19:39

I agree get witness statements if possible if you don't want him to have unsupervised access to your child

SilentSoubriquet · 27/12/2023 19:41

I am absolutely gobsmacked at reading this. I’m desperately hoping you’re a troll because I really hope this isn’t true. That he could really be that callous.

You are definitely not unreasonable for divorcing him. In fact I would say you would be majorly unreasonable if you even thought about staying with him

LightSpeeds · 27/12/2023 19:42

What a prize bastard.

So sorry for you and your DD.

LaughingCat · 27/12/2023 19:46

Nope - if this has happened, you’re the most reasonable person on earth for divorcing him and getting your kid as far away as possible. Sounds like a prince among men. As others have said, get witness statements from the staff (it may not count for anything, but it’s worth a shot). Try not to feel humiliated - he looks worse in their eyes than you do, 100%.

Nevermind31 · 27/12/2023 19:46

Please get something from a staff member in writing on what has happened.
then start taking screenshots of joint accounts etc.
if you can, book a flight for tomorrow and leave, so that you can sort yourself out before he gets home, move half the money from the joint account etc.
and get a divorce lawyer.
i sm so sorry this has happened to you - please look after yourself and your child!

Inca22 · 27/12/2023 19:46

You deserve a hug and a cup of sweet tea. What an awful shock. 2024 will be a happier year without him in it: for now, take a deep breath. That was an awful thing to experience so be kind to yourself

LalaPaloosa · 27/12/2023 19:48

Utter bastard. I’m so sorry Shyam35. There is nothing unreasonable about your feelings or reaction to your husband’s behaviour. He’s appalling. I wish you all the best for your divorce. It’s tough - I’ve been there. You should prepare well and in secret so you have your own money and resources ring fenced (set up a bank account in a trusted friend’s name if you can so you have access to funds if he is the breadwinner) as men like this tend to be extremely unreasonable in a divorce.

FestiveHackathon · 27/12/2023 19:51

I'm at a loss as to why he isn't claiming via insurance?

Like PPs, I have no words for your STBXH's response and subsequent actions.

Harrysutton · 27/12/2023 19:54

Wow I'm lost for words. If you are still at the hotel ask if they have a room you can move into away from him.