Next Christmas...how to make it better

[JustACountryMusicGirlInCowboyBoots]

I'm sure I saw a thread about things you'll do differently next year but I can't find it.

This Christmas has been lovely at times but generally a lot of preparation, a lot of food, a lot of money, a lot of presents and it's just not worth it. Next year I want it to be different but I don't know how.

I'm a single parent of 3 dc and a carer for my disabled mum. 2 dc (teens) go to their dad's at some point over Christmas (usually part way through Christmas Day to today) and he gets to see more of them than I do. I hate that. It ends up just being me and ds (8) at home most of the time. My mum goes to my sister's for Boxing Day. It's just a bit pants.

I bought loads of food in and the teens decided to go to their dad's so lots has been wasted. I've frozen what I could but there's lots of waste so I'm not buying as much next year.

Their gifts were met with a lack of enthusiasm except for a couple of things.

It all seems a waste of time and effort and money.

I admit to having the post Christmas blues today but how can I do things differently? If you had a similar experience what are you doing differently next year?

I have thought about going away but I'm not sure if I'd like that plus the money is a huge factor.

We are all ND (probably all, definitely most) and find it really overwhelming but I want it all to be great and put too much pressure on myself.

I might just need a virtual slap to get me out of this funk.

I'm off to play with my Lego 😁 and plot next Christmas.

Sorry you are feeling this way.
Have you asked your children what they would like?

On the gift front: if they don’t appreciate the volume what about just stockings and money to put towards things they like?

and are the teens helping with the prep?

I have no answers but I feel exactly the same way. I want it to be different but I'm not sure how.

This very afternoon I have made a Christmas notes document, and set a reminder on my phone to read it in September.
Amoung other things I plan to do a much simpler meal, and prioritise watching a Christmas movie.
We will also draft the Christmas email to Fil in advance, (we are LC with him) so it isn't a stress on the day.

I had rubbish presents last year, not nothing, just a lot of stuff that I was allergic to, couldn’t use or didn’t like. I hated that people had spent money on me and that I wasn’t going to get any use of it all. Plus I didn’t get anything I actually wanted. So after Xmas I wrote a list of things I would have liked to have, small cheap stocking fillers and a few under £20 items. It was ready then when people started asking for a list this year, and I’ve had loads of lovely useful things this year instead!

The only thing I want to change for next year is the table settings; we sat down to a lovely Christmas dinner but the table looked very unChristmassy!

So the next day I ordered some bits for next year. Definitely of a mindset to do things like that as I think of them.

Scale down. Get fewer presents, do less food. Organise something nice to do for you and remaining kids.

My presents were great because I bought them myself and the dc wrapped them. Eldest didn't actually take part but added her name to what I'd bought the other 2 to give me. Eldest doesn't live with us. It's the gifts to them that didn't seem to be appreciated yet were off their lists.

I think it's because it's all on me they it's such a lot of pressure and it's just a few hours on the day in reality where we are all together.

I feel much better for the Lego and Agatha Christie 😃

How about instead of spending as much on food and presents, make plans for the time in between Christmas and New Year. Have some days out with DC, eating out, see friends maybe arrange some time to relax for yourself.

Bin off the gifts: its such a huge source of stress, cost, hassle and disappointment. Not practical when your youngest is 9, but for anyone over 18 agree either no gifts, or a brief of a treat with a budget of (eg) £20.

I need to look again at presents. I work on the principle that everyone in my family is fortunate enough to have everything they need and plenty of stuff besides, so gifts are a token gesture. For relatives I bought 'nice' stuff, like posh gloves, pretty mugs, slipper socks, fairly pricey smellies etc but the things I was given were much more grand and now I feel like I didn't spend enough (although I don't have much money). I need to put more money and thought into it next year.

I want it all to be great and put too much pressure on myself

You have already identified what would be 'even better if'. Give yourself a break and stop with the high expectations.

Hope your Christmases just get better and better from here onwards.

I cut back on the food waste by not buying anything in advance and just getting everything in the final food shop before Christmas. This really stops me buying too many snacks, multiple bags of crisps etc as I don’t stock up too much before and can judge more what we need.

You have teenage children. They could do things. You say they just add their names but they need to be choosing, buying and paying for things then wrapping them. They have no investment in Christmas and are bystanders.

Don't buy extra food. You honestly won't miss it. Only put sweets in stockings so no other ones.

Bake with your children, mince pies, cakes or whatever.

Work with your teens for them to cook dinner and you will clean up.

We don't open presents in the morning but wait until the evening. If your Christmas is done by 10am there's no reason to stay.

It's your Christmas, make it what works for you.

I asked for no presents and got almost none. Such a light feeling compared to the usual feeling of guilt at the waste of stuff I don't want. Got too much for the kids although the big things were second hand... Going to scale back next year and just get a few things they will either love or need, no random extras.

Going to go away next year for sure

I fully intend to be on holiday. We can fly back Boxing Day ( it won’t be our year to have the kids) I’ll spend the money making us happy rather than everyone else!

I’m not inviting anyone! Every year dh’s family turns up and stays way too long. Every year I say I’m never doing it again. Next year I’m really not. It will be 7 days tomorrow. Yesterday Dh admitted that he didn’t actually ever communicate with them about when they would be leaving. 🤦🏻‍♀️ The food and drink (all £800 of it) will run out tomorrow so thankfully they will be off then. I want to have a nice quiet Christmas filled with doing lovely Christmas things and not cooking and cleaning and entertaining for people who are looking for a meal and missing out on time with my children.

I did things differently this year, having done 18yrs of rushing round like nigella with a stick up my arse, hosting my whole family every year.

This year, I just had me, DH and 3dc for lunch. Everyone else came after for evening buffet and had to feed themselves at theirs! So I didn't do 8 fancy sides, and a huge starter, plus canapés on arrival, and spend all day in the kitchen while every other lazy bugger has a lovely day, like they're at a hotel.

DH and I cooked the meats the day before. I did two veg, stuffing, Yorkshire's, pigs in blankets and potatoes, and it was the least stress and bloody lovely.

We will definitely repeat this going forward.

Presents wise, little DS has played with everything. Eldest DS has played with everything. DD has no interest in any of her stuff and wants her brother's. Will buy matching toys next year.

Crackers were shite. Thank you Waitrose. Will look at some better ones for next year.

Bought far too many nibbles. No one needs this much chocolate.

Wrapping paper was too hard for little fingers to open. Will get the cheapy easy to rip next year.

I will not buy toys with a million little pieces either, as they are all one big jumble and half disappeared under the sofa already.

I will not buy Christmas PJ's, but I will buy us all fancy loungewear for the day. I don't want to be in a tight cocktail dress, but I can't wear comfy old joggers and look Christmassy either. So will treat us all to something super comfy but stylish too wear.

No one eats the Yule log. Stop buying a Yule log.

I made a questionnaire for my dc asking them about their favourite things, traditions, foods, sweets and things they don’t want to do anymore, things they wanted to do on their school break, and a wishlist of gift suggestions in three categories - under €30, under€100, over €100

It made such a difference to my planning - it was so easy when they were little, but now they’re teens and what’s cool changes faster than I can keep up. I was able to eliminate a lot of effort that would have been wasted on them and hit a lot of their high points.

Think about the parts you enjoy less and try and dial those down:
Eg - if no ones bothered about a roast, cook something simple.
If present buying becomes overwhelming, older children can pick up to three things up to £x. Dispense with stockings.
If it's decorations - a few fairy lights and tinsel rather than a tree.
You're right to re-shape what you do as if you're happier and more relaxed the kids will enjoy it more (even if we think they want piles of food and presents.)

my biggest tip? Dont do a roast, at all if you can manage it over the whole festive period.

Massive cost and faff and no-one really enjoys it.

We did smoked salmon, bikinis and fried potatoes for Christmas dinner. Went down a treat!

Rein in DH's food shop. Bought enough food for 15. For the first time it was only the 4 of us for lunch.

No guests on Christmas Day. They can join us for lunch or fuck off until Boxing Day. Or longer preferably. Having guests arrive when you are hitting peak food coma is tedious. Especially when they are very hard work conversationally.

Presents all went well. Got lists from the kids and managed to buy some stuff offf it. Realised too late a lot was from some Chinese website with about 8 weeks of shipping. MilL went a bit mental though and bought way more than the single gifts she'd indicated. All v thoughtful and well received but was embarrassed by our lack of excess to reciprocate with. Clearly I need to be much clearer and she can do what she wants to do but I'm managing expectation.

I bought less food and presents this year and it’s been really nice. My dd is 17. She had a few presents but I didn’t do little ‘bits’ like usual- she got a coffee shop gift card as a little surprise and liked that.
I also had a nice walk on beach with dog and my mum Boxing Day I’ll definitely do again.

DH and I. No kids. We tend to host.
I'm happy with where we're at in terms of presents, decor and cards. We're low key and not very consumerist.
We've pared back on food over the years, but need to pare back even further.
Changes for next year:

• I ate too much low quality chocolate in the week before Christmas this year, so by the time DH bought me some lovely champagne truffles as a gift, I was sick of chocolate. I'll try to remember to save myself for the good stuff likely coming on the day itself.
• We bought £30 of cheese for Christmas evening and noone could face any after our large lunch. We also bought Christmas pudding which, again, noone could face. Next year I want to do the starter, pudding and cheese in 'nibbles' form to keep it all smaller. Instead of smoked salmon on bread as a starter - serve salmon nibbles with a glass of fizz in the living room. Instead of Christmas pudding - serve mini pudding bites. Instead of a whole cheese course - serve little cubes of cheese on cocktail sticks with Port.

I am so glad my parents didn't do Xmas once we had grown up. All we do is get together to spend time and eat whatever we fancy. Usually I go raid M&S on Xmas eve for bargains and we eat that so who knows what we end up having lol

We don't do presents because there is no point we buy what we need when we need it.

We never have any stress, noone feels disappointed and everyone has a relaxing break with no pressure.