Jack the Ripper on Christmas morning?

[makingsomethingoutofnothing]

Hello.

I am probably overthinking this, but I find my DH and I often aren't on the same wavelength. I just want to know how his mind works sometimes, but I don't suppose I really ever will. I guess he feels the same!

I don't want to make this too long, so will answer any questions that come up if it helps.

When we met, my DH didn't celebrate Christmas at all.
I encouraged us to at least stick up a tree for a few days and either cook a meal or go out for an Indian meal, exchange a few presents, send cards.
He got into it big time and for the last 8 years or so, he has been putting the tree and lights up on 1 December (sometimes November to tie in with village tree lighting). Far too early for me, but I let it go.
He came up with the idea of scheduling our own Christmas TV (ie, choosing a movie, some TV programmes we like) and watching them instead of just whatever junk comes on TV. Plus, we are so indecisive, both trying to please the other, that hours get wasted on discussions of what to watch. Okay, so that went fine, it was a good idea to start with.
But when we started celebrating on 1 December, the TV schedule got extended too, with the result that we watch our own Christmas programming every evening through December and the weekends begin with a TV programme over breakfast, there's a big movie in the afternoon and more TV programmes/cartoons in the evening.
I have become increasingly resentful of this. I like having downtime and doing my own thing sometimes. I am supposed to be studying for a degree part time as well as working part time. I am a big procrastinator though, so can't wholly blame DH for distracting me here.
The eating and drinking starts when the lights go up too and I can feel myself putting on weight which I worked so hard to lose. I know this is down to me too, but he wants the party to start straight away.

Anyway, I don't quite know how we got from not celebrating at all to this, it's kind of crept up on me. Every year, the ante seems to be upped.

What really confused me this year was that we watched our scheduled Christmas morning cartoon in our home office and then we both read some news and stuff on our computers while we finished coffee before going into the living room. I looked across at him and he was reading stuff about Jack the Ripper! He is really, really into JTR. The thing is, I've been sending him stuff that I find as it comes up on JTR and bought him a book earlier in the year which he hasn't bothered with. But suddenly, Christmas morning he wanted to read about JTR online, when I have suffered a month of watching wall-to-wall Christmas stuff, some of which I could have done without quite honestly. He has always said he loves the cosy, back to childhood feeling it gives, but then he's reading about JTR?

I don't understand and he says he has no idea why he wanted to do that and that I overthink everything he does.

TL:DR -
my DH schedules Christmas TV for us for a whole month

I resent my time being used like this
He says it helps to set the mood and makes it cosy and Christmassy
I then find he's reading about a serial killer on Christmas morning!

Am I wrong to question this behaviour?

Is he possibly on the spectrum? Fixed schedules, bit inflexible, hyper fixation on stuff?

I have wondered.

I also want to explore an ADHD diagnosis for myself this year.

How about next year he watches Christmas TV for a month and eats chocolate. You join in when you fancy and if you don't, you read a book, go for a walk, pop to the shops or browse online. Or go in another room and watch something else. When you are watching something he's not interested in, he can read about serial killers or whatever.

I watch The Holiday every year - DH has never seen it. We do lots together, but not every single thing.

YANBU but not because of Jack the Ripper.

Your DH can watch Christmas cartoons and eat Christmas food every day in December if he likes, but I know that would make me sick of the very idea of Christmas by the 10th, if not before. You both need to realise it's okay to have different preferences and interests and do things on your own. It's good to have things you enjoy together too, but this is way too much and you're clearly not enjoying it.

I can't relate to your post at all. It's the opposite of what is normal for us, but I'd say fine if it makes you both happy. Except it isn't making you happy. There is comfort in routine and knowing what's happening, but there is also boredom, and now I imagine this is moving towards resentment.
You have to have something for you.
I am married. I have 3 kids. My December has involved working from home, buying and wrapping presents and watching TV with DH and the kids (sometimes). I have watched about 10 xmas films and read one book and DH doesn't know anything about them. If the book had been Jack the Ripper he wouldn't be aware.
I have had 2 works Christmas meals and 2 nights out with friends - usually would manage 1 social a month but it's different for Christmas. DH has had a weekend away with friends. I don't know what he is reading at present. We have binge watched a TV series together earlier in the month.
We're ok. We're close. We do things apart too.
You definitely need to separate your individual selves from your married selves. Don't lose who you are, as at this point I'm not sure you even know who you are anymore.
New Year resolution... do something for you! Sign up to a class, carve out 30 mins a day to be alone and meditate, or listen to a different old favourite album a day. Watch a film alone that he would not care for, remember what made you happy. Have a kitchen disco!

Just let him do what he wants. Perhaps you should think about getting a hobby.

Yes, you are overthinking this.

You remind me so much of a friend of mine who has been texting me for the last couple of days. Her husband didn't take the dog out for a walk on Christmas Eve and she has sent texts speculating if her husband might be wanting to divorce her; whether he is ill with something like Cancer; to whether he's having an affair with one of the neighbours as is trying to avoid her; whether he hates the shoes she bought him for his birthday; etc. I've had around a dozen texts so far, the last few I've ignored.

This has to be one of the strangest relationships I've ever encountered. It sounds like your whole life revolves around tv. Do you never have any time away from each other?!
Btw we watched a true crime documentary on Christmas Day. There's no rule says you can only watch Christmas themed tv.

OP you say "my DH schedules Christmas TV for us for a whole month
I resent my time being used like this"
a) That's weirdly organised to schedule it for a month.
b) That is strange that you comply.

Have you checked under the patio for bodies 😱?

You're both mad and i ADORE you! Seems like a good time to go to a relationship therapist so his new "thing" can be working towards a healthy relationship. You clearly both really care about each other so this kind of codependency can be very usefully addressed with better ideas of how to be healthily loving.

Tbh OP I suspect that the two of you have been living a very insular life for a long time, and don't realise how unusual both of your behaviour is.

This is exactly it.

You are both being really odd here. The scheduled TV thing is insane, but so is the fact that you apparently don’t do anything without each other, and that you don’t seem to have anyone else that you can compare your lives to.

I think it’s nuts that you have to watch timed TV together throughout December, absolutely. But it’s equally nuts that you think him reading about Jack the Ripper (reading! Not even watching something!) is somehow ‘changing rules’. You are both taking everything too seriously.

Then you say ‘No, don’t wait for me, I’m not fussed about watching it. And I’m not staying up late just to watch that’

Both of you are being a bit weird. If he wants to schedule every minute of his time and consume his weight in chocolate, that doesn’t mean you have to go along with it. But does he actually want to do this? Or is he doing it because he has misunderstood what you want and thinks he’s making happy? You’re both doing all this stuff just to please the other and it has resulted in this regimented event that doesn’t sound like much fun for either of you.

Just talk to him. There’s a middle ground in all of this that will make both of you happy.

I’m baffled by your relationship OP. You’ve been with him 20 years and yet you can’t just tell him to stop with the weird Christmas TV schedule, because it’s batshit. You feel you have to go along with it?

I am so confused about this post. Like why are you mad about what he was reading?

You're overthinking it. In fact, the whole thing sounds weirdly intense.

You're both weird

Who schedules in TV time and takes it so seriously?

Why can't your husband watch tv on his own? Even toddlers can manage that!