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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not thanking someone for a present for DC

41 replies

MyChristmasUsername · 26/12/2023 18:21

I put a lot of thought and time was put into choosing the present for this person’s DC and they haven’t acknowledged it yet been very active on social media posting and so on. I feel like it’s only two words to say, or we’d be just as happy of a photo of DC with their present - which coincidentally we have seen, from another relative, so at least it’s something that they’ve definitely got it.

The same person gifted me a self help book about emotional intelligence. It takes a lot to offend me but I feel like that was designed to be offensive, how could anyone see it any other way? All the same, I have said thank you for that even though I’m not sure the intent was kind.

AIBU to quietly think it’s rude and that it’s easy and painless to say a quick thanks for something?

OP posts:
Fearnecuptea · 26/12/2023 18:26

Who is this person, what relationship do you have? Also how did you give the present, face to face or posted?

Being gifted that Emotional Intelligence book is outrageous though! 😂 is this person typically very passive aggressive/weird towards you?!

Original poster
MyChristmasUsername · 26/12/2023 18:27

Fearnecuptea · 26/12/2023 18:26

Who is this person, what relationship do you have? Also how did you give the present, face to face or posted?

Being gifted that Emotional Intelligence book is outrageous though! 😂 is this person typically very passive aggressive/weird towards you?!

Yes they are passive aggressive often, to me and to others. Any issue is always someone else’s fault and they are the victim.

Face to face

OP posts:
howdoesyourgardengrowinmay · 26/12/2023 18:30

They sound particularly unpleasant, bordering on toxic.

I'd stop giving altogether, though might make an exception for their next birthday and regift the shitty book back

Wolfpa · 26/12/2023 18:30

Give them time, it’s only been 1 day

ChateauDuMont · 26/12/2023 18:30

I've always had the rule that if I'm not thanks for a gift them they don't get one again. Ever.

Kwasi · 26/12/2023 18:33

Did they say thank you when you handed it to them?

I think you're being too sensitive really.

Original poster
MyChristmasUsername · 26/12/2023 18:34

Kwasi · 26/12/2023 18:33

Did they say thank you when you handed it to them?

I think you're being too sensitive really.

No, just ‘DC doesn’t need a present’

OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 26/12/2023 18:36

It’s only Boxing Day, give them a chance. DC will have received loads of presents and Christmas isn’t the day to try to force them to play with particular toys for relative photographic opportunities.

IamSmarticus · 26/12/2023 18:36

I seem to remember from your other thread that the other person is your sister. I just wouldn't but for either her or her DC again.

Notts90 · 26/12/2023 18:39

Massively rude. BIL and SIL always get a text to say thank you for anything they buy our DC. (though this year I dont want to as they bought such unthoughtful gifts) Unfortunately this isn't returned though when we've bought gifts. I'm with you OP.

StBrides · 26/12/2023 18:41

Next time, give them a book on etiquette

ohdamnitjanet · 26/12/2023 18:42

IamSmarticus · 26/12/2023 18:36

I seem to remember from your other thread that the other person is your sister. I just wouldn't but for either her or her DC again.

I would just regift the book for her birthday.

VerticalSausages · 26/12/2023 18:43

We have already established that your sister lacks emotional intelligence so this can’t come as much of a surprise. Maybe just stop with the presents if it’s causing such angst.

Heronwatcher · 26/12/2023 18:43

Jesus Christ it’s Boxing Day! Everyone has probably been cooking/ eating/ knackered/ pissed/ arguing/ sleeping (and repeat) for the last 48 hours! And never give gifts because you like the feels and expect elaborate thank you performances- the giving should be enough. Hopefully they like it and if you get a thank you, great, but don’t expect it and get pissy if it’s not delivered in 24 hours.

Mrsgreen100 · 26/12/2023 18:43

We have only just got around to opening presents, and it’s Boxing Day evening

pinkdelight · 26/12/2023 18:44

Being active on social media doesn't mean they have to do all their thank yous now. Unless the person is there to thank in person we'd follow up with thanks over the next couple of weeks. If giving gifts makes you so tense, probably better to not bother.

TeenDivided · 26/12/2023 18:47

I always give DD a week or so to thank, I don't expect them all doe by Boxing Day.

ToWhitToWhoo · 26/12/2023 18:52

If it was just not sending thanks yet, I would say YABU: it's only been one day. But her responding at the time not with thanks, but with 'DC doesn't need a present' seems quite rude!

I wonder if someone gave her the emotional intelligence book, for rather obvious reasons, and she regifted it?

covidforchristmas23 · 26/12/2023 18:53

I think you might be being a little hasty, but obviously you have more context than us.

They might be planning to do thank yous later?

Some people, me included, would find a book on emotional intelligence very interesting. Do you find psychology/how things work interesting? Do you work in a people facing job?

Whataretheodds · 26/12/2023 18:53

I send thank you cards in the post. If she's done the same it couldn't possibly have arrived yet. However based on other info it sounds more likely that she isn't thanking you. Just don't buy for them again.

Serene135 · 26/12/2023 18:54

The book is a strange choice of gift and it does sound like an underhand dig. When it’s her birthday you should gift her a manners self-help
book. There are lots of books like that on the internet for you to choose from.

I would leave it a week for her to say thank you for the gift. I always text to say thank you straight away if I haven’t already done it face-to-face (for gifts for me, children etc) but not everyone does. It might be an afterthought for her in a few days. If you don’t get a thank you then just save your money next year and don’t bother.

TarantinoIsAMisogynist · 26/12/2023 18:56

Wolfpa · 26/12/2023 18:30

Give them time, it’s only been 1 day

This - you're being pretty demanding to expect one so soon! Thank yous do not necessarily have to happen on Xmas/Boxing day when there's so much else going on.

TinselTitts · 26/12/2023 18:58

MyChristmasUsername · 26/12/2023 18:34

No, just ‘DC doesn’t need a present’

Show quote history

So they don't particularly like you and they didn't want you to send their child a present?

Why on earth did you?

Kwasi · 26/12/2023 19:00

I would say that saying 'DC doesn't need a present,' is a polite acknowledgment and a way of saying thanks.

Spirallingdownwards · 26/12/2023 19:01

If she is one to get her kids to write thank you notes by hand (like my kids had to) then it's rather early to be overthinkibg this yet

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