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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not thanking someone for a present for DC

41 replies

MyChristmasUsername · 26/12/2023 18:21

I put a lot of thought and time was put into choosing the present for this person’s DC and they haven’t acknowledged it yet been very active on social media posting and so on. I feel like it’s only two words to say, or we’d be just as happy of a photo of DC with their present - which coincidentally we have seen, from another relative, so at least it’s something that they’ve definitely got it.

The same person gifted me a self help book about emotional intelligence. It takes a lot to offend me but I feel like that was designed to be offensive, how could anyone see it any other way? All the same, I have said thank you for that even though I’m not sure the intent was kind.

AIBU to quietly think it’s rude and that it’s easy and painless to say a quick thanks for something?

OP posts:
Original poster
MyChristmasUsername · 26/12/2023 19:05

TinselTitts · 26/12/2023 18:58

So they don't particularly like you and they didn't want you to send their child a present?

Why on earth did you?

Show quote history

They claim they do like me, they love me - but they think I hate them?!

OP posts:
VisionsOfSplendour · 26/12/2023 19:10

Didnt you post about your sister the other day?

Don't buy presents in the future or if you feel you must get gift cards so no unappreciated effort is needed

IggityZiggity · 26/12/2023 19:19

How do you know they have even opened it yet? Some kids get too many gifts from relatives and overwhelmed if it is all done on one day!

Vexxa · 26/12/2023 19:53

Are you sure they've even opened it? We're away with relatives for a week over Christmas and had to leave most of the presents behind as we couldn't fit them in the car. I expect they won't even get opened until NYE. Plus we usually open presents with my toddler over a few days as she gets overwhelmed otherwise.

bakewellbride · 26/12/2023 20:08

The book is obviously shit but give the thank you time. My kids have received lots of lovely gifts and I haven't thanked anyone yet - because I'm still in the middle of completing the nice thank you notes complete with pics of the kids and then there's posting everything. It takes a bit of time!

FiddleLeaf · 26/12/2023 20:13

Didn’t someone post about their sister and an emotional intelligence book the other day?

Anyway, it’s Boxing Day… give her a chance 🤣

Original poster
MyChristmasUsername · 26/12/2023 20:16

FiddleLeaf · 26/12/2023 20:13

Didn’t someone post about their sister and an emotional intelligence book the other day?

Anyway, it’s Boxing Day… give her a chance 🤣

Yes, me!

OP posts:
Sproutier · 26/12/2023 20:17

I think YABU. Saying thank you is important but it could via written thank you note from the child, which might take a week or more.

Cherrysherbet · 26/12/2023 20:20

I think the gift they gave you is the problem here. That’s plain nasty. I mean, who buys a gift like that??

You don’t need this person in your life op 💐

Original poster
MyChristmasUsername · 26/12/2023 20:22

Sproutier · 26/12/2023 20:17

I think YABU. Saying thank you is important but it could via written thank you note from the child, which might take a week or more.

Child is under 2 so unable to write x

OP posts:
Original poster
MyChristmasUsername · 26/12/2023 20:23

Cherrysherbet · 26/12/2023 20:20

I think the gift they gave you is the problem here. That’s plain nasty. I mean, who buys a gift like that??

You don’t need this person in your life op 💐

Thank you. It did seem pretty mean, I tried to give benefit of the doubt but from my other thread most people thought it wasn’t best

OP posts:
ManateeFair · 26/12/2023 20:35

It’s only Boxing Day. People don’t have to thank everyone who bought them a gift immediately. Sometime over the next week or so would be fine.

You already posted about your sister giving you the self-help book on emotional intelligence, and it’s clear they are are massive issues between both. You don’t like each other. It’s that simple.

The self-help book thing was cunty behaviour on your sister’s part, but not thanking you instantly for your nephew’s present isn’t a big deal. It hasn’t even been 48 hours yet and many other people will also have given him presents. I think that because her gift to you (understandably) pissed you off, you’re now looking any opportunity to be pissed off some more.

Instead of seeking validation from Mumsnet over this one thing, you need to look at your whole relationship with your sister and consider whether you want her in your life.

Makkacakka · 26/12/2023 20:41

I haven't thanked everyone who bought for my DC yet. As he hasn't opened them all. Maybe they haven't? There are so many presents for young children to get through, it can be overwhelming to do them all on Christmas and boxing day.

But the book is odd. That seems an inappropriate choice for sure!

Sproutier · 26/12/2023 21:43

MyChristmasUsername · 26/12/2023 20:22

Child is under 2 so unable to write x

Show quote history

Doesn't mean thanks need to be given by Boxing Day. At that age we printed out photos of the kids and send written thank yous on their behalf. Took a week or more.

Rewis · 26/12/2023 21:48

We only do a written thank you if the present has been sent. If they have been given in perosn then we say thank you when we received it.

However, if they got you a passive aggressive self help book and when a present was handed they dismissed it. I wouldn't even bother to be offended about the lack of task you. Clearly this person is a rude asshole and best to stop the gift exchange and go low contact.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 26/12/2023 21:51

IF you want to be close to this person and they feel the same maybe do a couple
Of family therapy sessions? If not drop all expectations and accept that they see the world and social norms very very differently to you

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