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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed estranged MIL posts pictures of my child without permission?

62 replies

Bonnie3944 · 26/12/2023 18:07

DP & myself cut mil off due to her being absent in my sons life, she has only seen him 4 times in his life, he’s 2 & 1/2, she’s been invited to every family function, bbq, birthday party, new years gatherings, Christmas gift exchanges & she either cancels last minute or just doesn’t show up. We had a huge row where MIL told me to “stop barking” & told DH to “put a muzzle on it” & “tell your dog to shut up” after I expressed to her that dh & I were fed up with her constantly letting us & her grandson down. Since then we have been no contact, she’s not been in touch to apologise or to wish her son & grandson a merry Xmas etc. DH, DS & myself have spent Xmas with my parents this year, we took some pics of DS playing with my moms Christmas tree, my mom posted it on fb & hours later I noticed MIL had stolen the photo & posted it herself with ‘merry Christmas from mine to yours’ insinuating that she’s had DS for Xmas. People are commenting saying things to imply they think she has DS this Christmas. I’m livid & don’t know what to do, any advice?

OP posts:
Greenshake · 26/12/2023 18:10

Ask your mother to tighten up her FB security settings?

Naughtytom · 26/12/2023 18:11

You need to block her on FB, and ensure that your family does too. Don't let her have any access to your life online.

Jacfrost · 26/12/2023 18:11

Greenshake · 26/12/2023 18:10

Ask your mother to tighten up her FB security settings?

This!

skippy67 · 26/12/2023 18:12

Greenshake · 26/12/2023 18:10

Ask your mother to tighten up her FB security settings?

Yep!

DaughterNo2 · 26/12/2023 18:12

And report the picture to ask FB to take it down.
why on earth does your Mom not have better settings?

OrigamiOwls · 26/12/2023 18:12

As others have said, your mum needs to tighten up her Facebook security (and ideally block your MIL).
You also need to block her.

SausageAndEggSandwich · 26/12/2023 18:13

Tell your mum (& any other family who have her on their socials) to block her on FB & contact FB and get them to take the photo down from your MIL's profile.

GrumpyPanda · 26/12/2023 18:13

Report to fb and get the pictures taken down. That's if you truly want to go nuclear.

Original poster
Bonnie3944 · 26/12/2023 18:14

I feel like a lot of people are missing the point in my post? We didn’t assume MIL would steal photos from my mom’s fb, so we just shouldn’t post pics?

OP posts:
CurzonDax · 26/12/2023 18:15

I echo reporting the post to FB and asking the photos to be removed - they are usually very good with pictures of children that have gone up without permission.

SisterMichaelsHabit · 26/12/2023 18:15

Tell your mum you aren't going to let her have any more baby pictures while she shares them in a way that this woman can get them. Either she has MIL as a friend (and shouldn't, if she cares about how her daughter was treated by this woman) or she's posting them publicly. If the latter, she really needs to sort out her security, any random paedo or trafficker could get them too, so you absolutely need a conversation about that and make sure your mother knows what went down and who said what!

SisterMichaelsHabit · 26/12/2023 18:16

Bonnie3944 · 26/12/2023 18:14

I feel like a lot of people are missing the point in my post? We didn’t assume MIL would steal photos from my mom’s fb, so we just shouldn’t post pics?

Well either you need to stop posting pics in a way she can get at them (e.g. not sharing them with people who will share them with her) or you need to stop posting pics entirely or you need to put up and shut up. Those are literally the only three options, so IDK why you think people have missed the point.

Original poster
Bonnie3944 · 26/12/2023 18:17

my mom has since blocked her but at the time we didn’t think someone would go as far as to steal pictures from extended family to play Nan of the year on social media. My moms fb posts are set to friends but she changed her cover photo which is always public for some reason & tbf I didn’t warn her to not post cause I just didn’t think MIL would go to all that effort

OP posts:
Bookworm1111 · 26/12/2023 18:18

Bonnie3944 · 26/12/2023 18:14

I feel like a lot of people are missing the point in my post? We didn’t assume MIL would steal photos from my mom’s fb, so we just shouldn’t post pics?

I think you might be missing the point, OP. Of course you should be able to post pix but if you don’t want MIL to steal them, you either need to unfriend and/or change privacy settings so she can’t see what you post.

Naughtytom · 26/12/2023 18:23

You're not going to change your MIL's behaviour. All you can do is make sure you have strong boundaries in place so that she can't get access to your life.

Of course she has behaved appalling, but you already knew she has form for this.

Heyhoherewegoagain · 26/12/2023 18:26

Bonnie3944 · 26/12/2023 18:14

I feel like a lot of people are missing the point in my post? We didn’t assume MIL would steal photos from my mom’s fb, so we just shouldn’t post pics?

If your mum’s fb is open then you’ve a lot more to worry about than the chil’s estranged grandmother copying them

Appleass · 26/12/2023 18:27

any advice .........stop posting kids on social media !

easylikeasundaymorn · 26/12/2023 18:29

well to be fair you ended your post with 'any advice' so not sure why you think people are missing the point by giving you advice on how to avoid it happening again in the future.
what other sort of advice do you want? What she's done is annoying but it's not a crime or even something you can report to facebook.

If you wanted to be passive aggressive you could put a comment like 'Hope you had a lovely christmas MIL. DS said to say merry christmas to nanny. Maybe we'll see you at some point next year, it's been ages since you've seen him, he's grown so much (as you can see from my mum's photo!).

If you wanted to be aggressive aggressive you could post 'Why have you reposted this as if we are celebrating Christmas with you when you've only bothered to see DS 4 times since he was born? Please don't steal photos from my mother's account in the future.'

Or you could just leave it to avoid a row and just make sure she can't access any photos for the future.

2jacqi · 26/12/2023 18:31

@Bonnie3944 wtf!! how did she even manage to see any pic. only friends should see a child pics. you might need to check your, your partners and your mums facebook settings! your mother and you and partner need to block her account. in the meantime you can make a statement that she is not in your son's life at all and send it to her page so everyone sees it!

WhatFlavourIsIt · 26/12/2023 18:32

We'll, yeah, you can feel a bit miffed, but really, it's not worth giving much thought to. It doesn't affect your life in any way. Of you don't want her to have access to pictures then either don't post them or just block her and move along with your life.

Xmastime2023 · 26/12/2023 18:34

Bonnie3944 · 26/12/2023 18:14

I feel like a lot of people are missing the point in my post? We didn’t assume MIL would steal photos from my mom’s fb, so we just shouldn’t post pics?

This is basically why we don’t post as Nc family member has history.

2jacqi · 26/12/2023 18:37

@Bonnie3944 if you can see your MIL's page then she is not blocked!

Blobblobblob · 26/12/2023 18:41

This with bells on

How many people putting their kids online actually understand the privacy implications for their future?

bigyellowmoxi · 26/12/2023 18:41

Bonnie3944 · 26/12/2023 18:17

my mom has since blocked her but at the time we didn’t think someone would go as far as to steal pictures from extended family to play Nan of the year on social media. My moms fb posts are set to friends but she changed her cover photo which is always public for some reason & tbf I didn’t warn her to not post cause I just didn’t think MIL would go to all that effort

So your mum tightens her settings or she doesn't post photos of your child.

You can report MIL to Facebook and ask for the pictures to be removed.

Send a message telling her not to do that again then block again.

Levo · 26/12/2023 18:43

If your DM wants to use a pic of your DC as her profile pic then she will need to block MIL.

I'm not sure why you are complaining that MIL hasn't been in touch to wish her son or grandson merry christmas, you've all gone no contact with her so I don't understand why that is an issue (or why she would if she knows you don't want to hear from her again)

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