If Xmas was shit gather here and rant

[keojam80]

Went over to in laws, everyone in their house full of flu (prob covid) wrapped in blankets, sleeping, shivering. Mil was cooking but ill and being a martyr and being passive aggressive but didn't accept any help when offered but would be huffing and puffing making it known she's having a hard time. Dinner was a bit crappy and I wish I had just stayed home out the way of it all and made my own dinner.

Went round to my parents today. I'm not drinking as I'm working tomorrow, our baby is now sick thanks to yesterday so I declined booze and asked for a coke. Mum and dad looking at eachother tutting and eye rolling, huffing and puffing as if to say what's the point. This angered me. Dd was bored out her mind and kept asking to go home.

I never learn. Xmas in my own house with dh and the kids with an open door policy, done.
And nobody invited who is contagious! Next year!

I have covid as does ds and we’ve both been really ill with it (both diagnosed, this fact is important).

Husband has man flu. He’s moped about the house claiming to have the world’s worst case of covid ever in the history of the world and needs an ambulance (he has barely a sniffle). After listening to his bullshit for days I made him take a test. He doesn’t have covid. He’s just being an arse.

Anyway on top of dealing with that half of ds presents didn’t turn up in time and just before Xmas I found out DH forgot to buy me a gift or anything from ds and ran out of time to do so (because he was simultaneously working and pretending to have the worlds worst covid ever) so the only thing I had to open yesterday was a crappy window sticker from my sister who always gifts garbage. I also had to cook dinner and over cooked it because I’m not well and DH couldn’t do it because he has the worlds worst covid ever. 🙄

I now feel better from my covid but have a raging case of the ick towards my husband who’s still playing the woe is me game and refusing to talk to anyone unless he can talk about his “illness”. I’m wondering if we’ll last another year.

Not shit in a single particularly dramatic or offensive way, fortunately, but too many departures from "normal" at once for my likely neuro-divergent self to sit easily with. All totally understandable but just left me feeling deflated after a difficult couple of years, and I always struggle with low mood in the winter at the best of times.

Most disappointing was that I didn't get to see my terminally ill father as he didn't want to visit (finds xmas difficult) and didn't want us visiting him (his semi-supported accommodation is full of covid). Normally we would have him round to my mums for a roast on my semi-frequent weekend visits to my mum's when we can; I don't usually go more than 5-7 weeks without coming up. My sister and I made do with a phone call to him instead.

My mother, who we spent Christmas with, had no tree at all due to lack of space so the house didn't feel very Christmassy, though she did decorate a little bit otherwise, bless her. My in laws, who we are living with while we save for a house, had put up their tree and decorations while we were seeing friends earlier in the month, and I realised I missed that little activity, which normally helps me feel more excited about Christmas.

On my mum's side, we all did a pre-agreed and completely logical secret Santa with a much more limited budget than we would have spent on any one person in the past, and while that absolutely made sense, it was a big difference. Probably because my family has never been great at showing love or emotional support outside of gift giving 😅

Normally we would get up, make hot drinks, open presents together and then have roughly the same Christmas breakfast together, but this year we didn't even do that as nobody wanted to spoil the earlier-than-usual lunch we were having out for the first time ever. We then opened our secret Santa presents in the afternoon instead. Said lunch turned out a bit "meh" for some who have since had upset stomachs. Both my partner and I have been under the weather with a cold/flu for about a week now as well.

Just all feels a bit different, less indulgent, less festive, than the 30 other Christmases my family have had since I've been alive! I usually hang onto Christmas to help me get through the inevitable slip in my mental health and energy levels each winter, but this one has just left me feeling a bit flat and missing the past.

My DM died on 9th December in hospital with vascular dementia. Diagnosed in February and went rapidly downhill. DF is broken, they had been married for 63 years & lived in the house they had built for them when they got married. I'm an only child and live over 200 miles away, it's really tough.

Thank you.

i live at home with my step mum and dad, as I can’t live independently. My sibling lives elsewhere and only comes on Christmas and stays one or two nights. And I maybe see them for a few hours 5 times a year otherwise.

I don’t have friends, either.

my step mum and dad aren’t bad people, they love me a lot and would do many things for me. They just don’t quite get it really unfortunately.

Not nearly as bad at many other posters, but we have a cold and a sick bug here all at once.

Cooked Xmas dinner for the 4 of us and couldn’t eat it, annoyed at the waste of money spent on it for most of it to end up in the bin.

The whole day was just underwhelming and all the other plans got cancelled for today, 12 year old is the only one feeling well today- and hasn’t stopped asking questions & talking for even a second. I feel for her, she must be bored and disappointed, but god I wish she would stop yammering on for 5 mins. She’s talked the whole way through Indiana jones.

I might go to bed.

I'm feeling the same. My DH also has suspected multiple myeloma. He has a fractured pelvis and damaged vertebrae and struggling to walk around the house but sleeping alot due to the pain meds. It's hard waiting for a treatment plan. I know how you feel.

We spent Christmas Day on the cardiac ward as my lovely DH had a heart attack last Tuesday. It was pretty grim as christmasses go to be honest. In between travelling back and forth we slept and tried to just chill. It was the first Christmas Eve without DH in 40yrs and felt very sad.

StrawberryWater He sounds insufferable. Perhaps you need to tell him just how unattractive he's being. Hopefully, he has redeeming qualities because I'd feel like you. Here's to a full recovery from covid for you and your son.

That sounds incredibly tough. I'm so sorry for your loss (and your father's).

I had an argument with my husband the day before Christmas Eve. He had an absolute shit fit. He was screaming, shouting, and ranting in front of the kids. It was a grown man having an epic tantrum. He followed me around the house like this for over an hour. I tried to leave and he stood in front of me and wouldn't let me pass. He's 6 foot 2 so it was all very intimidating. He left when I threatened to call the police.

I worked like a dog cleaning the house and getting everything ready for Christmas. I was up till 3am. Then he wants to come to spend the day with the kids so i got to host cooking, cleaning and doing jobs while he got to be the jolly daddy and play with the kids.

Anyways, I know there's no way forward for us so after 15 year I'll be getting a divorce and my kids will be subjected to that drama. I'd like it to be as amicable as possible but I think it's going to be a nightmare.

Not me but my friend.
I was expecting Christmas to be sad this year as it’s the first without my beloved gran who died at Easter. Mum and I went to morning mass yesterday where my lovely friend (who took grans funeral and has supported me since) is the vicar (it’s her first year in charge there and it’s a full on busy parish). She had taken 14 + services in a week, including 3 funerals, had done countless school assemblies, meetings, pastoral visits and was exhausted and had a horrible chesty cough and a terrible sore throat from getting so run down. My Mum asked casually if her husband was making her lunch (he hadn’t come to the service - never does) and she broke down in tears and said he had gone up north to where his family are from ‘as he wouldn’t have seen me much anyway with my schedule’. My heart broke for her. We insisted she come home with us. She sobbed on me in mum’s living room, typical ’I feel tired and poorly and stressed and need some TLC’ tears, and said between horrible painful coughing fits that she didn’t expect marvels from him, and she knew her job is her calling not his but would just appreciate if he left her a sandwich when he made himself one if she was going to be in late to make sure she got lunch. Or to make sure there was milk in the fridge so she could have a cup of tea rather than it always being her to remember. Or come and pick her up every now and again. Or just look out for her a bit and give her some support. Leaving her alone on Christmas Day and not seeing the issue was the last straw. I gave her some medicine for her throat and settled her in my Mum’s spare room with a hot water bottle and a snuggly duvet for a well needed nap (poor thing had worn herself out crying and slept for 6 hours). In the meantime husband rang. We were polite but very truthful as to why we wouldn’t be waking her up. She was exhausted and poorly and needed to rest. He felt awful. Realised he had been a bit of a selfish arse, and said he would drive the 5 hour trip back that night and pick her up.
Had a text from her this afternoon. She’d had a good long sleep and was feeling a bit better and husband has apologized profusely and is taking her away for New Year. And will arrange to do his hobby in the afternoons at weekends rather than mornings so he can come and support her at church sometimes. So a sad story ended well. In short, he’s not a bad man, but a bit clueless and thoughtless.

I hope my gran would be happy we were able to look after her. She hated anyone being upset.

Oh wow! Perhaps we could stay in touch as we seem at the same point? Would be nice to be able to share stuff

Yes please feel free to message me. I have been thinking about you and your DH. It sounds awful for him at the moment with that amount of pain. I hope he can start treatment very soon and that you have people around you for support x

I can really relate to this faceache
My DH came home on Friday and went ballistic after me cheating tidying risking all day as he couldn't find his cap Id moved to a different radiator

Your Christmas sounds beyond awful…sending you my strongest vibes possible!💐

I went to my parents. I go twice each year. My dad thinks xmas family TV viewing is GBNews..... 3 hours of it, and "recorded" from the overnight shows.

All of us have been ill. Me less so, so have powered through for the DC's.

Christmas day was OK. I'm still recovering from a chest infection however.
Ans my MIL passed away on boxing day 😭😪

Nothing like as bad as some here but I didn't enjoy mine.

I've recently split from someone and I was very upset about that. I live by myself with a dog. Never married or had children and feeling down about the whole thing, to the point where I've found myself not really eating or sleeping and had an upset stomach for a week or so.

Went to parent's. My ex had wrapped up some presents for my dog-daft to some of course, I've never done it before but my dog is all I have.

I had discussed with my Mum that I couldn't leave my dog all day, and she'd said I could bring the dog after dinner, absolutely fine, and then we'd leave her in the kitchen at my parent's when we went over to my siblings later. For context parent's love my dog and often offer to dog-sit, are always pleased to see her, they're both dog lovers. We always do the same, dinner at parent's then to siblings for drinks and games. Sister's DC are young adults now. It's usually quite fun.

I go and get dog after dinner. I let dog unwrap first present. It's a squeaky toy. My Dad gets very angry at the noise and shouts at me to take her into another room. I do this. And I suddenly felt very sad that I'd been banished to another room to let the dog have her presents when it was the one bit of joy of the day I would get, dog is one of those who likes ripping paper off. Then as we were finishing up and getting ready to move on, my Mum says to leave dog in the garage when we go to sibling's. This wasn't the plan. I've never left dog in there before and I didn't know if she'd just howl all the time. So I'd only had the dog there 20 mins or so and had to take her back home.

I drop dog off and walk to my Siblings, and sibling and DC are there but not my parent's which was weird as their walk to sibling's is much shorter than mine from my house.

And they didn't turn up for nearly another hour-they've never done this before, usually we just all walk straight over there together. Me and sibling both wondering where they were and eventually we ring them. They're very nonplussed and say they just wanted to clean up first, but this is never normally the case. It was all a bit awkward as we didn't want to start playing games or anything without them there and just spent the time wondering where they were.

When they eventually turn up, games are just forgotten about. We just have a couple of conversations. I have a glass of wine, but am not offered anything else and realise that I am really hungry. No food available (sibling doesn't really cater) so I slope off home and make myself a cheese wrap and go to bed. Very festive. Not the worst cmas I've ever had but just odd, and it is horrible being sad at anything over xmas. Cmas just amplifies it I think.

@CrapGoat I am sorry.
Maybe it's time for some new traditions. You and the hound :)

Thank you @stomachamaleon . It may sound as if I'm overreacting but I guess I just wish someone would recognise that it is because the dog is all I've got, that it would be nice to not be a dick to me about her once and not change plans at the last minute.

Dad wouldn't have shouted at me if ex dp had have been there. He only does it when he knows he won't be stood up to. I don't want to go there again. I appreciate the effortt they go to with food don't get me wrong, I really do. But not sure it is worth it.

My local pub opens from 12-230 on Xmas day. Maybe I should have gone there, got a bit tipsy, made myself some nice lunch and just had Xmas with the dog.

@stomadog thinks that's a plan!

Shit Christmas here. My husband has done nothing but complain over the smallest of things and belittle me. Today I've been told he actually doesn't like me much. He won't leave. I won't leave the kids with him. It's unbearable, so I'm up in my bedroom doing university coursework and scrolling mumsnet just to get away from him.

Sending all good thoughts and vibes out to everyone here who has had (and/or is having) a miserable time. Makes me count my blessings, even when I don't think I have any.
May 2024 be an improvement for all of you.

I was very down. First year without certain people because they've passed away. ExH cooked the dinner and it was fine. My presents were not spectacular. Living with ExH with whom I split with in September. Being forced to play games when I really wasn't in the mood.