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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say my children are ungrateful arses?

32 replies

Sometimesrational · 25/12/2023 23:46

I've spent weeks trying to make everything great for my 4 son's Christmas. Buying and wrapping presents, decorating the house, buying and preparing food.
Tonight, i apparently used the wrong tone of voice when I was asked a really daft question and got a load verbal back from the oldest. Tbh, they talk to me like shit a lot of the time and I feel like not bothering next year and just let them get on with it.
I've done my best with them but they all have this sense of always being right. Maybe they get that from me. What pisses me off though more than that is they let me go off to bed, knowing I feel shit and they stay up and carry on partying.
So my Christmas day ends on a horrible note, while they're all having a whale of a time!
You are being unreasonable - they don't owe you gratitude.
You are not being unreasonable - they sound like a bunch of ingrates.

OP posts:
TwentyThreeFifteen · 25/12/2023 23:51

Did you flounce though? Were you expecting them not to let you go off to bed?

What ages are they?

Damnedidont · 25/12/2023 23:53

Until they apologise and start treating you with respect stop everything. Money Internet phones laundry cooking cleaning whatever. Go on strike! Tough love for the win

determinedtomakethiswork · 25/12/2023 23:53

That sounds really awful. How old are they and do they all still live at home?

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 25/12/2023 23:54

I think their ages here are relevant. I feel like they must be older teens or adults based on going to bed and leaving them partying.

Ultimately, Christmas is not about giving to get gratitude but being grateful and polite is not too much to ask.

Original poster
Sometimesrational · 25/12/2023 23:56

I said I'd go up to avoid being shouted at/having an argument. In truth, I thought one of them would at least pop up to see if I was ok.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sometimesrational · 26/12/2023 00:00

Agreed, but they've done very little to contribute to the organisation and I feel the tone policing when I'm knackered because I've worked my arse off for days is a bit much.

OP posts:
Cupcakekiller · 26/12/2023 00:06

How old are they? They sound old enough to know better. Are you in your own with them?

MintJulia · 26/12/2023 00:22

New year, new regime - one involving them doing their own laundry, each cooking once a week, helping with chores like cleaning bathrooms and taking out bins.

If they are old enough to speak to you like that, then they are old enough to help around the house.

Do less this coming year. Respect yourself more.

Panjandrum123 · 26/12/2023 00:37

You don’t say how old they are.

Absolutely push back if they say hurtful or unpleasant things. They need to know you have boundaries. I pull my youngest up on his tone but of course he does it back to me if he feels I’m in the wrong. I don’t always back down because he’s not always right, he just thinks he is. My current bugbear is the wrappers, empty cans, etc he abandons everywhere. I’m working on it but it’s not easy.

We’re finding the period between 17-20 years old to be difficult. They were both behaving like cock of the walk, turned 18, legally an adult. They knew everything and we were too ancient and infirm to understand anything. Even now there are days when they are amazed that I hold down my job and function when they aren’t there to manage me, me being so old and stupid of course.

When they’re outside the home they are polite and courteous young men, and thankfully eldest is mostly out the other side and is mostly lovely to have around, youngest will get there.

Original poster
Sometimesrational · 26/12/2023 00:38

I said I didn't want an argument but I did expect him to apologise. I imagine GE feels he is owed an apology from me due to my "attitude '.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sometimesrational · 26/12/2023 00:41

He's 26 and doesn't live with us. I brought them up to have faith in their feelings...I think I'm reaping the rewards!

OP posts:
KylieJennersMakeUpSponge · 26/12/2023 00:44

WOW OP - I thought you were gonna say he’s 13! 26 is way too old to be acting like a brat. You deserve better and it’s worrying that he thinks he can speak to you like that

KylieJennersMakeUpSponge · 26/12/2023 00:45

Also get your backside downstairs and unplug anything that is enabling this partying. It’s your house, your rules.

Dont bother next year. Go abroad and stick two fingers up to him

How old are your other sons?

BoredofBlonde · 26/12/2023 00:46

He is 26??!

Wow.

And what does "have faith in their feelings" actually mean?

KylieJennersMakeUpSponge · 26/12/2023 00:47

Sometimesrational · 26/12/2023 00:00

Agreed, but they've done very little to contribute to the organisation and I feel the tone policing when I'm knackered because I've worked my arse off for days is a bit much.

Hmm….so he’s quite happy for a woman to cook, do the wife work, organise everything and make sure the day goes swimmingly and that all the men are happy. But the woman can’t use her voice to express annoyance or show any hint of a human feeling or tiredness?

Sounds like a great big misogynist to me.

It doesn’t help that you’ve taken yourself off. He’s got his way, the Woman With A Voice is out the way.

Gcsunnyside23 · 26/12/2023 00:47

Wow your 26 year old son spoke to you like that and no one said anything? What a spoilt horrible man child. I would have told him to apologise or go home

SeulementUneFois · 26/12/2023 00:52

OP
Go downstairs, tell them what shits they've been to you and unplug everything.

LusaBatoosa · 26/12/2023 00:58

Oh, for goodness sake. Go downstairs, tell them to apologise and then go home. Why are you allowing yourself to be treated like this in your own home?

Original poster
Sometimesrational · 26/12/2023 01:06

He's come up and apologised. I think we all got a bit carried away. I explained I felt my efforts were unappreciated and he stressed that was not the case. Maybe we'll have an alcohol free Christmas next year!

OP posts:
Tacotortoise · 26/12/2023 01:08

Instead of fantasising about what you'll do next year, try changing how you do stuff now. This year.
No more Mrs Doormat.

Original poster
Sometimesrational · 26/12/2023 01:08

He's apologised. I think too much beer and wine nay have played a part?

OP posts:
ThinWomansBrain · 26/12/2023 01:10

he's apologised - time to tell him to go home NOW

KylieJennersMakeUpSponge · 26/12/2023 01:15

Sometimesrational · 26/12/2023 01:08

He's apologised. I think too much beer and wine nay have played a part?

Your son being a twat has played a bigger part! We are all sozzled here, not a single person had said a cross word all day

MrsTerryPratchett · 26/12/2023 01:18

I'm curious about what question you asked?

Gcsunnyside23 · 26/12/2023 01:26

Glad he apologised and all is ok. Many families have crossed words now and again but I hope they start to show some appreciation for you