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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What DSis shows DH - SM

50 replies

Ummmreally · 25/12/2023 19:29

I’m completely bewildered and have been for some time.

My sister loves to show my husband photos of half-naked women or ask him about his crushes.

An example might be, hey Paul (not DH’s real name) look at my friend’s son Jay’s new girlfriend. Cue her showing DH an instagram photo of the new gf who’s about 20 years younger than us all, in her underwear. and then following this up with ‘what do you think?’.

Other times it’s been ‘Hey Paul, who would you class as the most beautiful woman in the world?’ Etc etc

She absolutely loves to try to engage him in this sort of conversation. Usually when I’m not in the room yet, but happily continues when I’m there.

In fairness to my husband he hardly answers, tends to mumble something bland, as he knows I’d be pretty upset if he turned around and said, wow, she’s hot in those knickers isn’t she!

Today it happened again and I had to really hold myself back from asking what she’s trying to achieve.

For context DH and I have been together since we were kids. He has never expressed interest in celebrities or models (publicly at least - he is only human). I feel like she’s trying to get some sort of reaction.

AIBU feeling exceedingly more pissed off about this. It really spoiled my day as I’ve been stewing over what the fuck is the matter with her. I can’t imagine showing her husband similar pictures.

OP posts:
something2say · 25/12/2023 19:33

Can you discuss it with her? This needs to stop.

something2say · 25/12/2023 19:33

Can you discuss it with her? This needs to stop.

Original poster
Ummmreally · 25/12/2023 19:34

I could but she plays it off as harmless.

Maybe it is and I’m the sensitive one, but I hate it. There’s enough skin to look at, without knowing what’s underneath the clothing of people we know.

OP posts:
GreatGateauxsby · 25/12/2023 19:36

Your Sister doesn’t like you.

I’d address it head on and openly…
“Shelia, what’s are you hoping to achieve with this?“
”why do you keep doing this?”
”do you go round asking your husband and his mates this?”

GrumpyPanda · 25/12/2023 19:37

In earshot of all: "have you been browsing Pornhub again dear sis?"

Hillrunning · 25/12/2023 19:37

I don't get why he hasn't put a stop to it? My colleague recently tried to do similar with my husband. Said, 'Oooo do you know this celebrity? Ain't they hot?' While shoving a phone in my husbands face. He jsut gave her a confused look and said that it was a really odd thing for her to ask him.

Closerandcloser · 25/12/2023 19:53

My sister is like this, but doesn’t do this exact thing, she likes to flirt or touch my husband.
Shes always been a bit of a pain, and has always had to be the best.
I avoid her a lot.

Original poster
Ummmreally · 25/12/2023 19:58

To be honest, I’m just glad it’s not me overthinking this.

DH doesn’t engage, most of the time he hasn’t got his glasses, so can’t see anyway. But thats not the issue. It’s why my sister does this in the first place that’s bothering me.

OP posts:
Sugarsun · 25/12/2023 19:59

Is she a lesbian?
Does she have a DH?
Do you have brothers?

I find this really odd.

I’m not sure she’s flirting with him, else surely she wouldn’t be trying to get him looking at other women.

The only reasons I can think of are she’s either trying to catch him out, make you jealous or she thinks this is how you communicate with men and is trying to get on ‘his level’.

Sugarsun · 25/12/2023 20:00

Closerandcloser · 25/12/2023 19:53

My sister is like this, but doesn’t do this exact thing, she likes to flirt or touch my husband.
Shes always been a bit of a pain, and has always had to be the best.
I avoid her a lot.

WTH! That’s the lowest of the low!

Original poster
Ummmreally · 25/12/2023 20:02

Sugarsun · 25/12/2023 19:59

Is she a lesbian?
Does she have a DH?
Do you have brothers?

I find this really odd.

I’m not sure she’s flirting with him, else surely she wouldn’t be trying to get him looking at other women.

The only reasons I can think of are she’s either trying to catch him out, make you jealous or she thinks this is how you communicate with men and is trying to get on ‘his level’.

She’s not a lesbian. She’s married to a man who is lovely and they appear very happy.

OP posts:
Ohtobetwentytwo · 25/12/2023 20:02

Previous posterhit the nail on the head. She doesnt like you. Se is trying to wind you up or drive a wedge between you and DH by causing a fight.

Original poster
Ummmreally · 25/12/2023 20:02

oh and we don’t have brothers.

OP posts:
Whatdoido1987 · 25/12/2023 20:04

She sounds like a bit of a prat. I'd say she's making you and your DH uncomfortable and why she feels the need to have your husbands opinion on these random people. X

Original poster
Ummmreally · 25/12/2023 20:04

Ohtobetwentytwo · 25/12/2023 20:02

Previous posterhit the nail on the head. She doesnt like you. Se is trying to wind you up or drive a wedge between you and DH by causing a fight.

but we don’t fight over stuff like this. I’m angry with her not him. I would feel like a creep trying to get her husband to ogle over other much younger women, and I’d never ask him to talk about the celebrities he fancies. I’m sure he does have women he finds attractive, but I wouldn’t feel that’s my business.

OP posts:
Devonshiregal · 25/12/2023 20:13

Well how often does she do this?

and what was she like before marriage? Is she a little bored and secretly a little attracted to your husband?

and do you two usually get on?

RandomButtons · 25/12/2023 20:15

Is she narcissistic in other ways? Sounds like she’s deliberately trying to drive a wedge between you and your lovely husband.

SisterMichaelsHabit · 25/12/2023 20:21

I think YABU not to just open your mouth and put your sister in her place. Either she's trying to make a point to your DH (e.g. she's found him on SM liking semi-pornographic pictures) or she's trying to wind him/you up to cause an argument between you and him. While you're silent about it she will carry on. Sometimes with sisters I find you just need to have the argument or they walk all over you.

Original poster
Ummmreally · 25/12/2023 20:23

She does this in one way or another fairly often. She always has her phone out and eventually it comes around to who’s attractive or look at this.

I don’t think she fancies my husband. DH and I have been together since we were 16. He probably/definitely would find other woman attractive, but isn’t the type to advertise or be sleazy about it.

He’s never told me his type, or who his celebrity crush is, in all the time we’ve been together…and we’re 44. He comes across as having eyes just for me, and I feel like she’s testing him or trying to get him to not be this way.

I like my husband this way. I don’t want to hear about his crushes or hear him commenting on other women.

We were supposed to go to a family event tomorrow but nearly naked gf will be there, so we’re going to swerve as it all feels a bit vom.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ummmreally · 25/12/2023 20:27

SisterMichaelsHabit · 25/12/2023 20:21

I think YABU not to just open your mouth and put your sister in her place. Either she's trying to make a point to your DH (e.g. she's found him on SM liking semi-pornographic pictures) or she's trying to wind him/you up to cause an argument between you and him. While you're silent about it she will carry on. Sometimes with sisters I find you just need to have the argument or they walk all over you.

Edited

I have access to all DH’s social media and phone etc. He’s not at all private or possessive about it. I sometimes just use it to scroll for something, or to add a friend we’ve met on hols etc. He’ll ask me to check his emails or messages. And he follows about 300 accounts all of which are about sharks, cats or work related. No model accounts or anything. He works with kids, so is very careful about his online profiles and what they’d see if they found him online.

So I can’t imagine she’s found something seedy and is trying to expose him.

Next time she does it, I’ll say something.

OP posts:
Disasterclass · 25/12/2023 20:42

What does your DH think? If he's trying to ignore/ mumbling each time he's clearly not comfortable with this. Can he not say to her something like 'why do you keep showing me these pictures?' Or 'what is it you want from me?'. Or even just 'please stop doing this'
If my bil was doing something odd like this repeatedly I'd say something to him pronto

Morechocmorechoc · 25/12/2023 20:42

Don't think she is trying to achieve anything if showing much younger women. Seems a little odd. Just talk to her rather than getting passed off

Gcsunnyside23 · 25/12/2023 20:44

Ummmreally · 25/12/2023 19:58

To be honest, I’m just glad it’s not me overthinking this.

DH doesn’t engage, most of the time he hasn’t got his glasses, so can’t see anyway. But thats not the issue. It’s why my sister does this in the first place that’s bothering me.

I would laugh openly and tell her you cant wait to she gets a partner of her own you can make uncomfortable. If she says anything just tell her that she might not realise but she's coming across as a right weirdo when she dies stiff like this and you hope she doesn't get on like that with her mates partners. She's clearly jealous or something, it's just odd behaviour

Original poster
Ummmreally · 25/12/2023 20:51

Gcsunnyside23 · 25/12/2023 20:44

I would laugh openly and tell her you cant wait to she gets a partner of her own you can make uncomfortable. If she says anything just tell her that she might not realise but she's coming across as a right weirdo when she dies stiff like this and you hope she doesn't get on like that with her mates partners. She's clearly jealous or something, it's just odd behaviour

Show quote history

Oh, she’s doing this to my husband, with her husband in the room.

OP posts:
LittleMissSunshiner · 25/12/2023 20:52

I think you and DH need to take a two pronged attack, separately.

Firstly you confront her head on and ask what it's all about as it's not normal / usual conversation between average people in any circumstances. If she's a Narc she'll enjoy the attention and discomfort she's caused so the way around that is to address her with concern as if she's mentally defective, this will not feel good to her. But it needs directly calling out.

Secondly, he needs to start saying the same stock phrase on broken record every time she attempts the interaction. 'Hey, no offence I'm not interested' or such like.

I used to say to my provocative person 'I'm not having this conversation' and then stonewall any follow up. I'd be happy to have any other discussions or chats.