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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Help me come up with response to MIL comment I know is coming

58 replies

shineineveryway · 25/12/2023 14:03

I'm either defensive or too aggressive with MIL.

We are going around there later and she will ask if we took DD 4 to church today.

We didn't..

So we will say ' no ', to which she will respond that now is the time to start taking her to church and it would be nice to take her to church, especially at Christmas.

We are not anti religion and our kids are christened. However we go to church when we feel like it. MIL is more into the church thing and will comment and I don't want to have to explain myself away/ get defensive about it.

I want to shut her up, so she never comments on it again. But I don't want to be aggressive about it either.

Any ideas ?

OP posts:
ReadySalty · 25/12/2023 14:08

Ignore her - don't answer. Change the subject.

Original poster
shineineveryway · 25/12/2023 14:09

I try that a lot but she keeps saying the same thing until she gets some kind of response.

OP posts:
evenbarnyardanimals · 25/12/2023 14:10

Leave her son to answer those type of questions.

Hello98765 · 25/12/2023 14:10

I think the tricky thing is if you do intend to take the children to church sometimes, it’s a bit less black & white.

What sort of church services do you want them to attend, and why doesnt Christmas fall into them? I think we need to understand that to help.

if you werent religious and didnt want to ever take your kids to church, the rebuttal would be easier.

GoodnightJude1 · 25/12/2023 14:11

I’d say ‘God is with us all the time, wherever we are 😁’

and leave it at that.

TinselTitts · 25/12/2023 14:11

There's nothing you can say that's going to make her stop.

So just ignore her. "We didn't because we didn't want to".

Then ignore.

gamerchick · 25/12/2023 14:11

Yeah you or husband needs a good comeback. The more outrageous the better I reckon.

C1N1C · 25/12/2023 14:12

Tell her the church has no WiFi and the kids will be bored 😎

Isseywith3witchycats · 25/12/2023 14:12

just say no we didnt we will take her if and when she is old enough to decide for herself if she wants to go then grey rock any reply she comes up with

Kaleidoscopeofbutterflies · 25/12/2023 14:12

Say no... but we plan to take her at Easter to celebrate the resurrection .. I'm religious.. don't go at Christmas.. go at Easter.

Grumpynan · 25/12/2023 14:13

Does she cover Christmas at pre school?, nativity? I would say you felt that was enough you don’t want to over do it and make it boring for her.

uclpp · 25/12/2023 14:13

No, we didn’t want to.

Rocksonabeach · 25/12/2023 14:13

Answer : going to church doesn’t make you Christian or moral. Plenty of people who go to church are awful and plenty of people who don’t are lovely and moral

or: we intend to choose when we want x to learn about organised religion and we will chose what and where we go

or: no she’s only 4 and we will decide when and if it is right

Or state facts and just say No.

she says I think….

sorry Maggie I didn’t ask for your opinion we’ve already made a decision.

LunchBoxPolice · 25/12/2023 14:15

“No we didn’t. The last time we tried, she started to combust as we entered the church”.

Gowlett · 25/12/2023 14:15

Do you believe in God? Maybe say that you plan to go at some stage, but not on Christmas Day.

If you don’t believe, then tell her that.

FoxtrotOscarFoxtrotOscar · 25/12/2023 14:16

Just respond with "why do you ask?"
In reply to her answer: "oh right", eyes averted.

FloofCloud · 25/12/2023 14:16

Thank you MIL, but we'll sort our own childrens religion, in fact ell probably let them decide why they want when they're only enough, rather than being indoctrinated at a Young age

Mabelface · 25/12/2023 14:17

"we'll bear that in mind"

AnnaMagnani · 25/12/2023 14:17

We didn't go as we didn't want to

If she comes back with 'it's important bla bla' then just repeat 'we didn't want to'

Use exactly the same words however many times she asks.

tulippa · 25/12/2023 14:17

I don't understand why you got your DC christened if you have no intention of going to church? If you're not even going to go at Christmas what's the point? I'm with MiL here actually.

hashbrownsandwich · 25/12/2023 14:19

'DC is currently trying to decide if they identify as a potato or a kitten so let's not bring religion into it on this sacred day?'

financialcareerstuff · 25/12/2023 14:19

GoodnightJude1 · 25/12/2023 14:11

I’d say ‘God is with us all the time, wherever we are 😁’

and leave it at that.

I think this is most likely to satisfy, while shutting her up, while possibly presenting yourself as having the upper hand morally.

Similarly, quote an obscure line of the bible, which sounds like if she were just pious enough, she would understand, which she thus won't want to say she does not understand. 😁

SeaToSki · 25/12/2023 14:20

You might be right MIL, would you like to take DD to Church one Sunday in Jan and see how she gets on? It might the the start of a nice lazy Sunday morning for you While she deals with a 4 yr old at Church

CaineRaine · 25/12/2023 14:20

Deflect it to your DH - “DH your mum is asking why we didn’t go to church today….”

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 25/12/2023 14:24

“Taken her WHERE?”

”What is CHURCH?”

”What time does that happen then?”

”Church? I don’t have much room in the oven…”

Or just tell her that your DD is four and if/when she decides on a religion she will facilitate it. Asking a four year old to participate in religion is like asking them to join a political party.