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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Help me come up with response to MIL comment I know is coming

58 replies

shineineveryway · 25/12/2023 14:03

I'm either defensive or too aggressive with MIL.

We are going around there later and she will ask if we took DD 4 to church today.

We didn't..

So we will say ' no ', to which she will respond that now is the time to start taking her to church and it would be nice to take her to church, especially at Christmas.

We are not anti religion and our kids are christened. However we go to church when we feel like it. MIL is more into the church thing and will comment and I don't want to have to explain myself away/ get defensive about it.

I want to shut her up, so she never comments on it again. But I don't want to be aggressive about it either.

Any ideas ?

OP posts:
Angrycat2768 · 25/12/2023 14:25

Everyone in my parents families used to ring for a chat at various times on Sunday and the first question would be 'Have you been to church?' Wed just say 'yes!' We had always gone on Christmas Eve though ( it's the one thing I miss now, and I've pandered too much to my atheist in laws/DH to row back on it and force my kids to go, even though I have a gut feeling that I should have done) so it was the only time it was actually true.What would happen if you just lied about it?

user1492757084 · 25/12/2023 14:31

Your child is Christened. You are not anti Christian so I would agree that DD4 is getting old enough to not be religiously ignorant. (You don't need her joining a cult later on.)

Ask if MIL could say a simple grace before the Christmas meal - one that DD4 will find lovely such as .. Thank you for the World so sweet...

And suggest that next year DD4 would be old enough for MIL to take her to a Christmas nativity pageant or Carol service. That will give MIL a year to research a service suitable.

See MIL as positive and caring. Your DD4 will enjoy special outings with MIL, if not she'll say so.

PermanentTemporary · 25/12/2023 14:39

Tell the truth?

'We go when we feel like it, and today we didn't feel like it'.

'I only go when I don't have to cook the same day.'

Or whatever the truth is. You might have an actual honest conversation?

Nevermindtheteacaps · 25/12/2023 14:41

Just explain the DC are far too young to know if they are religious or scientific in their thinking yet and you refuse to make that important choice for them.

It's more polite than my MIL gets when I ask her imagine how AWESOME the world would be without orgainised religion to suppress women and start wars.

Fromage · 25/12/2023 14:50

"We don't dare take her into the house of God since those three sixes have showed up on her head."

Or look at dh and say nothing. Wait for him to deal with her. Plan an early exit.

MrsPringledusts · 25/12/2023 14:51

Te her you follow the words of Jesus - Matthew 6, 5-8. “When you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men … but when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your father who is unseen.”

Grimchmas · 25/12/2023 14:55

"It's OK, we're happy with our choices."

"It's OK MIL we are happy with how often and when we take her to church and don't intend to change it"

Bluela18 · 25/12/2023 14:55

Could say we do take DD to church occasionally, as for Christmas we might or might not take her another year. If you can kindly not bring up the subject again it would be much appreciated. Then ask her if she'd like a drink or change the subject

SkaneTos · 25/12/2023 14:58

If she asks, forward the question to your husband, her son.

AuntMarch · 25/12/2023 15:00

Just tell her whatever the real reason is?

Fannyfiggs · 25/12/2023 15:05

Just say yes, we did go.

Or get your DH to say the immortal line from Gavin and Stacey...

The only Church you'll get me in is Charlotte...

SmudgeButt · 25/12/2023 15:08

To misquote the old line....Jesus is not just for Christmas.

Butchyrestingface · 25/12/2023 15:09

You could do something kinky and try telling her the truth, ie:

However we go to church when we feel like it.

You're probably defensive because you're trying to come up with clever conversation-stoppers.

I would probably be wondering the same thing as MiL, why you bothered to have your child christened and actually DO go to church on occasion, but not on this very important (in the Christian calendar) celebration day. But I wouldn't say it... But then again, I'm not the wean's grandmother.

Lemsipper · 25/12/2023 15:09

Please stop making everything your responsibility. Outsourse this problem to your husband to solve.

anon12345anon · 25/12/2023 15:13

C1N1C · 25/12/2023 14:12

Tell her the church has no WiFi and the kids will be bored 😎

Please do this and then report back!! Grin

AnnaSewell · 25/12/2023 15:16

How about saying you're becoming increasingly drawn to the teaching of Jehovah's Witnesses....

(Who don't celebrate Christmas.)

Menomeno · 25/12/2023 15:18

Because dragging a four year old away from their exciting new toys to go and sit through a fusty old church service, and the potential resulting tantrums, isn’t your ideal way to spend a Christmas Day.

Anonomom12 · 25/12/2023 15:18

Couldn’t be fucked to be honest nana

zurala · 25/12/2023 15:20

My honest answer would be because it makes the day difficult to manage in terms of cooking timetables and God sees what's in our hearts and doesn't need bums on seats as much as he needs our daily faith and prayers.

Stresa22 · 25/12/2023 15:25

Put your finger to your lips and say “shhh granny”

HappyHamsters · 25/12/2023 15:27

Ask her if she went, deflect the conversation.

SoYoung · 25/12/2023 15:30

"That's what I love about parenting, everybody gets to make their own decisions and do it their own way. When your kids were small you got to make the decisions. And now I get to do it the way I want with my child. It's great."

Or something to that effect, dialing up or down the bitchiness according to preference.

Iouis · 25/12/2023 15:31

We will do when we are ready thanks, would you like a drink?

IrritableVowel · 25/12/2023 15:39

Did you take DD to church?

No.

Now is the time to start taking her to church and it would be nice to take her to church, especially at Christmas.

Maybe next year so. Do you want a drink?

If she persists, tap out and get DH to sort it

Vgbeat · 25/12/2023 15:39

Just tell her your hubby didn't take her and she can ask him

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