Would you acknowledge gifts

[Ceci03]

So the relationship with my sister broke down a few years ago. We don't talk. Or speak. Long story. Anyway a couple
Of weeks ago a pair of (generic) iPods arrived in a box from Amazon. No note inside. I was puzzled and checked my Amazon in case I ordered them by mistake. Checked my bank acc thinking it was a scam. Didn't find out anything g. Then about a week later a box came from a skincare company with some face cream. I was very weirded out thinking it was a scam or something. I asked my mother had she sent anything and she said no. But then she text me saying these things were from my sister for my 2 teens. I haven't heard from my sister. Not a text or a card nothing . I feel like she needs to at least txt the kids and say these are presents for them? I'm not inclined to thank her. I think she's being very rude if I'm honest. Aibu

I wouldn’t bother responding.

Could your children not send a thank you card?

Yes acknowledge and thank her, or get teens too. She has at least thought about them and sent something, she just obviously hasn’t found the ‘add note’ option.
Rude to ignore a well meaning gift.

I would expect her to let you know who they are for if she wants any thanks. If she doesn’t, then I wouldn’t say anything to her.

Yeh they can. But we don't know who the gifts are from? I don't know why but I feel weird about it. Like you don't just send random gifts wit no note or text or anything??? Getting my mother to tell me just feels sneaky and cowardly like just send me a text or text the kids if u can't face texting me.

Rude to send a message thru your mother???

Could your children contact her to query the gifts and thank her? If they are meant for them it would be polite to acknowledge them.

Shame for your broken relationship with your sibling to cascade down a generation. Seems like, rather clumsily, she’s extending an olive branch.

To be fair, obviously I say this not knowing the situation or the background, I would take it as an olive branch and send a message saying thank you.

I'd think it's nice that she's thought of your DC, she clearly wants you to know that the presents are from her, do you think she might be reaching out?You're not speaking so she's hardly going to tell you but she's told your DM because she wants you to know.
Your DC should send a text or WhatsApp and say thank you, it's good manners

I thought you said they were from your sister?

How is getting a gift for your family rude?
Whatever relationship you have with your sister, it shouldn't affect her relationship with your children. She obviously wants to treat them and is too scared of your reaction to come clean about it. Rightly so, by the sound of it.

She has let you know - through your mother. You could be equally childish and ask the teens to thank her through their grandmother. Yes, she should have at least contacted your children herself, but she didnt't.

Or you could ask the teens to send a message directly to thank her, keeping them out of whatever issues yourself and your sister have. Ask them or suggest to them - depends a bit on their ages and ability to decide this themselves.

To be fair- I’ve tried to “attach a note” to Amazon gifts and it’s failed.
The notes with gift cards from Amazon are tiny slips of paper- easily missed.

Agree with pp- this is an olive branch- up to you what you do with it.

I feel sorry for your poor mum acting as a go between.
Imagine how you’d feel if your children hated each other.

In a similar situation, except my sister hasn't bothered for my dc, even though I took a lot of care for hers. I would say thank you. Add note option doesn't always work IME

If, from what you’re saying, gifts have been arriving for your daughters from your sister, I presume, addressed to you but without a note to say who they’re from or for whom, then I agree, it is rather rude. She could address them directly to your teenage daughters if she wanted? I imagine she is on speaking terms with your children but not you which is interesting in itself.

It is off the mark to send gifts like this. I get were you are coming from. If you are not ready for direct contact you could always thank her in kind by thanking through you mum and for letting you know what was going on!
My mum has done this a few times and it freaked me out. I was all stressed and ready to phone amzon and complain before I worked out it was from her. The things were really random too and not typical gifts. I am guessing she liked themamnd had forgotten to tell me she ordered them.
the stress really tainted the present. Is this lack of consideration symptomatic of why you went non contact

Another who doesn’t always get to add a note on Amazon and who thinks it’s an olive branch. I don’t get how it’s rude, it’s lovely at Christmas time!!

Yeh ok maybe I'm being churlish. A lot of history . Like I sent her 3 kids generous gift cards for birthday and Xmas every year and never had a response. I actually didn't send anything this Xmas as I was fed up wit no thank yous from either teens or my sister. But I wrote cards and sent them direct to the kids. Anyway yeh maybe ur all right I will get teens to send a text. And just to say my mother is far from the innocent victim in all this. Fair to say she had a lot to do with the breakdown in communication.

Are you saying she’s deliberately sent them without a note to be rude? Surely it’s more likely something happened with the Amazon label?

And are you saying it’s ruder to send a gift without a label than it is to not say thank you? Surely a quick text from your children wouldn’t hurt? You don’t have to say anything yourself, the gifts weren’t for you.

Im sure there’s a back story, but you’re coming across slightly strange and prickly in some of your replies to strangers. Perhaps this is an olive branch? You sound a bit determined to make it a big deal.

That's good. I reckon like pp said it's an olive branch.

I don't think you're being churlish. Having parcels sent to someone's home without any explanation is weird. If your sister wants to extend an olive branch, she should be adult enough to start a conversation with you, or email, or text at the very least, not just send parcels and use your mother as the 'flying monkey'.

I imagine there's a lot more to your family dynamic than you've posted. And posting in AIBU about a situation that's probably caused you a lot of emotional distress is not the best place.

Trust your instincts 💐

I would tell your mum to say thank you.

I think it’s absolutely ridiculous that she wouldn’t put who it was from and you could have easily assumed they were from someone else and not thanked her.

But I do think gifts should be acknowledged.

Your mum told you it was her and so I think your mum passing on the thanks is fitting.

All I can think is that your sister wants to open lines of communication with you and possibly mend your relationship?
It’s a bit clumsy but maybe she doesn’t know where to start or how to make amends.

I agree- acknowledge the gifts. Say thank you.The skincare stuff is presumably meant for you?

The tricky thing now is that if you and your sister don’t build any bridges this year what happens next Christmas? Should you expect presents again or send her family gifts?

Don’t feel pressured into being best friends. Perhaps you can move to a stage of having brief contact on special occasions and accept that although you don’t get along, you’re sisters and you haven’t cut her out completely?

Dont let this eat you up today. Give yourself time to think how to respond and what you’d like to happen.

Unless you're going to send them back then you may as well just send a text of thanks, forget about it and enjoy the day IMO. Don't dwell.

No need to respond

strange behaviour