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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think my Partner was completely different out of order

43 replies

caba · 25/12/2023 07:37

He tolerates my youngest who has massive diagnosed anxiety.
However, he was a right dickhead to him last evening and insulted him by being sarcastic and demeaning after son made a lighthearted comment.
Partner likes to think he is always right. Lighthearted comment was telling partner that a prediction of his was wrong but in a jokey way, not nasty or 'told you so'
For example.. he said look... Wham is number one again this Christmas and you said it was definitely going to be Fairytale of New York...
Partner didn't like this at all and got agitated and deadly serious.
I was shocked and openmouthed at his sudden mask slip.
Partner became really serious and dropped his tone. He was seething and was tapping his foot at speed with agitation.
Told son that he hadn't a clue what he was talking about and should stick to talking about things he did know about because he ( partner) knew music .
I was furious. Son was humiliated and went quiet.
What would you have done here?

OP posts:
Namechange4234 · 25/12/2023 07:40

No one humiliates my child. So I would have either walked out (with child) or told partner to leave

MavisMarch · 25/12/2023 07:45

Why are you with someone who only tolerars your child?
He's not an idiot he will feel this and it will feed into his anxiety.
Why are you allowing your child to be humiliated, gaslight and emotionally abused ?
You need a new partner. You needto spend some time on yourself first to work out why you settled for such a poor specimen.

BurbageBrook · 25/12/2023 07:57

Quite simply I wouldn't have a partner who treated my child like this.

determinedtomakethiswork · 25/12/2023 07:57

MavisMarch · 25/12/2023 07:45

Why are you with someone who only tolerars your child?
He's not an idiot he will feel this and it will feed into his anxiety.
Why are you allowing your child to be humiliated, gaslight and emotionally abused ?
You need a new partner. You needto spend some time on yourself first to work out why you settled for such a poor specimen.

Read this again and again.

SouthEastCoast · 25/12/2023 08:05

Did you stand up for you son in the moment or were you just shocked and furious quietly?
I would not keep choosing such a looser partner over my child.

also it must be stressful to be with someone who always has to be right, I guess you’re all walking in eggshells.

grayhairdontcare · 25/12/2023 08:10

The issue here is that you are with someone who tolerates your child and doesn't actually care or like that child

AlwaysGinPlease · 25/12/2023 08:10

You weren't shocked and it wasn't a mask slip. Your opening line is he "tolerates" your child. So you know full well he's a twat.

You're putting your own needs over the safety and welfare of your already anxious child. That he has to tolerate your asshole boyfriend and be bullied in his own home is tragic. Be a better parent and kick the boyfriend out.

FloweryName · 25/12/2023 08:11

I wouldn’t allow someone to humiliate my child, especially not someone who was in my child’s home because of me.

You need to stand up for your son or be prepared to explain why you didn’t when he’s older.

Changingplace · 25/12/2023 08:11

You need to stand up for your child and leave this bully of a man.

festivepains · 25/12/2023 08:13

He tolerates my youngest who has massive diagnosed anxiety. why on earth are you with him? Sort it out for the kids sake. Why is your self esteem so low you tolerate this man. He's not a partner he's a peice of shit.

betterangels · 25/12/2023 08:14

Yeah, I got to 'tolerate'. YABU to be with someone who you know only tolerates your child.

GenXisthebest · 25/12/2023 08:15

The really worrying thing is that you know this is a mask slip. So not a one-off mistake but this is how your partner actually feels about your child but usually manages to hide it. So sad for your child Sad

Iheartmysmart · 25/12/2023 08:15

Yet another woman who is so desperate for a man that she lets her kids be treated like shit. Get rid of him and protect your child.

tomatoontoast · 25/12/2023 08:17

I'm going to go against the grain here but if this is the first time he's been mean to your child I would ask for an apology to be made and put it aside.

I think there is awful pressure for step parents to love their step children like their own. In reality, it's against our nature to prioritise kids that aren't our flesh and blood. I also think it's exhausting dealing with anyone with anxiety. Child or not. Their behaviour can be nonsensical and irritating.

So my response is based on whether this is a one-off or common occurrence.

quisensoucie · 25/12/2023 08:20

Please do not tolerate someone who merely tolerates your child. It will end in tears. These won't be his tears.

Shiningout · 25/12/2023 08:22

This is like deja vu, there was a thread a couple of weeks ago about this exact scenario but it was about football instead

wp65 · 25/12/2023 08:23

Shiningout · 25/12/2023 08:22

This is like deja vu, there was a thread a couple of weeks ago about this exact scenario but it was about football instead

Yes, that's exactly what I thought too. It's too similar to be a coincidence.

ZekeZeke · 25/12/2023 08:23

quisensoucie · 25/12/2023 08:20

Please do not tolerate someone who merely tolerates your child. It will end in tears. These won't be his tears.

This!
I'm actually upset for your child.

crackfoxy · 25/12/2023 08:31

Namechange4234 · 25/12/2023 07:40

No one humiliates my child. So I would have either walked out (with child) or told partner to leave

Thus with bells on! Sorry op your OH sounds like an absolute bully

RicherThanYews · 25/12/2023 08:36

@tomatoontoast wow. You studied psychology for a while there have you Freud.

margotrose · 25/12/2023 08:39

Your partner is a bully and I bet your child's' anxiety would be much better if he wasn't around.

CrispsandCheeseSandwich · 25/12/2023 08:43

I barely got past the first four words of your OP "he tolerates my youngest"
How bloody big of him. Your son lives with someone who just tolerates him?

MorningSunshineSparkles · 25/12/2023 08:44

Well yes your partner was out of order, but you’re even more out of order being with someone that will only tolerate your child. Wtf are you playing at?

HomiesAlone · 25/12/2023 08:46

Oh god. Poor child :(
Please dump your 'D'P OP

pictoosh · 25/12/2023 08:49

Nothing you can do. This is how he is. The ego has landed.