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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my Partner was completely different out of order

43 replies

caba · 25/12/2023 07:37

He tolerates my youngest who has massive diagnosed anxiety.
However, he was a right dickhead to him last evening and insulted him by being sarcastic and demeaning after son made a lighthearted comment.
Partner likes to think he is always right. Lighthearted comment was telling partner that a prediction of his was wrong but in a jokey way, not nasty or 'told you so'
For example.. he said look... Wham is number one again this Christmas and you said it was definitely going to be Fairytale of New York...
Partner didn't like this at all and got agitated and deadly serious.
I was shocked and openmouthed at his sudden mask slip.
Partner became really serious and dropped his tone. He was seething and was tapping his foot at speed with agitation.
Told son that he hadn't a clue what he was talking about and should stick to talking about things he did know about because he ( partner) knew music .
I was furious. Son was humiliated and went quiet.
What would you have done here?

OP posts:
Downunderduchess · 25/12/2023 08:53

Put your child first, it’s your role as a parent to protect & nurture. Get rid of the loser man.

rwalker · 25/12/2023 08:53

So he told him he didn’t know what he was talking about

is that that extreme

I’ll hold my hand up as a parent I don’t always get it right
everyone has there limits

TypicalCoach · 25/12/2023 08:53

Sounds like you've prioritised your love life over your child because you feel scared of being alone
Your child deserves better than a negligent mother and don't be surprised when this comes back to haunt you when your older

MaryHinges · 25/12/2023 08:55

It's nothing to do with the song argument, that's just a red herring. The real issue here is you are with someone who only tolerates your son. That's unforgivable. Son first. Always. Any mother who chooses a man who only tolerates her child needs a serious word with herself. Your child deserves more than being tolerated.

DonnaBanana · 25/12/2023 08:56

Your partner is an adult no matter how much a child goads him he should never respond with anything other than love

skibiditoilet · 25/12/2023 08:57

I’d be making a NY resolution to get him out.

IAmAnIdiot123 · 25/12/2023 09:01

How have you ended up having Xmas eve with someone who only tolerates your child?

HaveSomeIntrospect · 25/12/2023 09:02

It’s not what your boyfriend said, it was the way he said it.
get rid, he sounds awful, let your child see you standing up for him, it will do loads to help his anxiety

WandaWonder · 25/12/2023 09:02

Not another one, another one who won't put their child before a partner

And I don't care if this is not supportive it is not meant to be

Mumof2NDers · 25/12/2023 09:04

I would not be with a man that treated my child like that. I’ve been with my DH 25 years and we have 2 DS’s. He has, after drinking too much stood nose to nose with DS2 (16) in an aggressive manner. I yanked him back that hard by the hood of his hoodie I nearly took his head off. The only reason he’s still here is, it’s not like him and he was going through something that really shook him up and affected his mood.
He was warned though if he did anything like that again he’d be out! And I meant it!

It sounds like you know what this man really is and given your sons anxiety it may be time to think about getting him out x

Olika · 25/12/2023 09:26

What would I do! Leave him!

Marwoodsbigbreak · 25/12/2023 09:28

Iheartmysmart · 25/12/2023 08:15

Yet another woman who is so desperate for a man that she lets her kids be treated like shit. Get rid of him and protect your child.

Exactly this.

What is your living situation? Nobody would speak to my child like that and stay under my roof, but your situation may be complex if you’re living at his?

Tinkerbyebye · 25/12/2023 10:13

I wouldn’t be with someone who ‘tolerates’ my child

your child will pick up on it and deserves better

the partner would have been gone a long time ago

put your child first

Original poster
caba · 25/12/2023 10:14

Thanks guys.
I did get rid of him but was told I was too extreme by people who know that my sons anxiety and his constant clinginess could have caused the snarkiness.
I have no regrets but I wanted to ask the ' what would you do in this situation?' To ascertain objectivity and take emotion out of it .
I feel free and no more walking on eggshells and being anxious myselfZ
Merry Christmas and thanks .

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 25/12/2023 10:18

I would bet that he will be less clingy and anxious with this man out of his life.

tomatoontoast · 25/12/2023 11:12

RicherThanYews · 25/12/2023 08:36

@tomatoontoast wow. You studied psychology for a while there have you Freud.

Yes, for two years.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 25/12/2023 11:22

I did get rid of him but was told I was too extreme by people who know that my sons anxiety and his constant clinginess could have caused the snarkiness

Your son has anxiety which is a bitch of a condition to have as an adult, never mind a child. Perhaps those 'people who know' would have been better off suggesting that BF, as an adult, might want to learn to control his moods around a child he knows is anxious and clingy.

fedupwithbeinghot · 25/12/2023 12:33

Your child must be so relieved that this arsehole it's out of your lives. Best Christmas present ever!

Please make sure you don't let him back into your life, no matter what others say

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