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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU for being annoyed at my dad?

62 replies

JJ071 · 25/12/2023 02:36

Me and my partner have a 10 month old daughter and we’ve talked about marriage since we started going out 3 years ago. Today my partner asked my dad for his blessing (old fashion I know but I wanted him to and I know my dad would’ve appreciated it). Me and my mum popped out to get food and when we came back he said to my mum “they’re getting married” now my mum knew it’s been spoken about so she wasn’t shocked so said congratulations and I just didn’t know what to say. My dad said how my partner asked and I said I don’t think I’m supposed to be told this? He didn’t care and I don’t think he even realised. Me and my partner have the most amazing relationship and I feel like the proposal is the only surprise I’ll have and just by my dad saying that feels like it’s ruined it slightly? I know I’m probably being petty but I love things this big being kept a secret. It’s been pretty clear we’ll eventually get married but I wish my dad didn’t say that as when my partner does ask I want it to be a complete surprise. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Original poster
JJ071 · 27/12/2023 20:37

Thank you @autienotnaughty . Exactly I just wanted it all to be a surprise and not know anything and I don’t know why that’s so wrong! Aww that’s so sweet 🥰

OP posts:
WetBandits · 27/12/2023 20:39

I wouldn’t worry OP, I found out that my DP was planning to propose from our builder 😂 he’s a friend of ours and DP must have mentioned his proposal plans to him because he came to do a job in our house and said “can I say congratulations yet?” 😂😂😂😂😂

missmollygreen · 27/12/2023 21:01

Midnightgrey · 25/12/2023 04:25

Your dad is a bit thick. You really can't argue with stupid. Hopefully you take after your mother.

I hate this phrase. Just because someone doesn't think in the same way as you doesn't make them "thick" or "stupid"
You sound nasty and bitter

Scarbsbeach · 27/12/2023 21:17

I’m sorry your dad did that. My daughter’s boyfriend did ask my husband if he could ask our daughter to marry him, and my husband was really pleased that he did - yes, it’s really old fashioned, but it was more about respect from one man to another.

No, we wouldn’t have been offended if they’d just told us, but it was just old-school polite, and certainly wasn’t out of order.

And we did keep it secret, until the moment happened in private between them, and our daughter phoned to tell us, very happy. There aren’t many surprises in life as an adult!

User789456 · 27/12/2023 21:30

What happens if Dad says no lol?

Lifeasiknowitisout · 27/12/2023 21:33

Scarbsbeach · 27/12/2023 21:17

I’m sorry your dad did that. My daughter’s boyfriend did ask my husband if he could ask our daughter to marry him, and my husband was really pleased that he did - yes, it’s really old fashioned, but it was more about respect from one man to another.

No, we wouldn’t have been offended if they’d just told us, but it was just old-school polite, and certainly wasn’t out of order.

And we did keep it secret, until the moment happened in private between them, and our daughter phoned to tell us, very happy. There aren’t many surprises in life as an adult!

So if your husband didn’t like him and said no, I assume your son in law wouldn’t have proposed? He would have explained to your daughter that they couldn’t marry because her dad said so and she would accept that?

What do you mean respect one man to another? How is it respectful?

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 27/12/2023 21:42

User789456 · 27/12/2023 21:30

What happens if Dad says no lol?

It wouldn't have changed much.. she's had a baby with him so they're tied together anyway🤷🏼‍♀️

Original poster
JJ071 · 28/12/2023 00:01

He loves my partner so he was confident it would’ve been a yes

OP posts:
Lifeasiknowitisout · 28/12/2023 02:40

JJ071 · 28/12/2023 00:01

He loves my partner so he was confident it would’ve been a yes

Right, so what if it was a no?

But why ask if he knew the answer was yes?

Kitkatcatflap · 28/12/2023 02:53

You are being ridiculous when you and your boyfriend have spoken about marriage, live together and have a 10 month child.

Ffsmakeitstop · 28/12/2023 05:35

Am I being a bit thick here? If you have discussed marriage why do you need a proposal?

Mumofmarauders · 28/12/2023 08:32

HarrumphryBogart · 25/12/2023 09:32

There is an easy way to keep things surprising, you could say no!

Ha I laughed out loud at this one!
Honestly OP, if you have an amazing relationship then the proposal isn't the last surprise you'll get. There will be all the wonderful surprises of a long and loving marriage- things like the surprise that he can still make you laugh when the roof starts leaking at two in the morning, that one of your kids has exactly his grin or turn of phrase, that he somehow still fancies you despite the decades etc etc. There will be wonderful surprises along the way!

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