To say to anyone considering LTB…

[Russooooo]

… just bloody do it.

This is my third Christmas as a single parent and it is sooooooo much nicer / easier / more relaxing than as an (unhappily) married one.

I’m sat on the sofa with Prosecco, watching the Sewing Bee Christmas special. Presents are wrapped. Kids are asleep. All is calm and well.

I don’t need to worry about what time he’ll be home or how hungover he’ll be in the morning. I’m not feeling resentful about doing it all on my own, because this is what I chose. I’ve bought what I want, without criticism. We’ll eat what we want tomorrow.

Honestly, if you’re worrying it’ll be harder on your own, or staying together ‘for the kids’, don’t. Just LTB.

@EarringsandLipstick sending you a big hug, sounds like you are doing a great job, hope you and everyone else on this thread has a lovely day. Being alone may not be the ideal for some of us, but I’m damn sure its better than what went before xx

My 17th. Kids are all grown ups now. He's never had contact.

I've never had, or ever will have, another relationship. I always knew that. Never, ever again for me. I was married over 20 years (technically still am as not divorced).

Everything is so much nicer now.

This is my second free Xmas. Xmas 2022 he was actually in prison, and we had his trial pending in Jan, so it was a weird time. This Xmas he's out (still on licence though). No idea what hes doing today and i really dont care. Hes likely pissed.

Adult Dds are here, no worry about him rolling in pissed, and shouting the odds that I've bought the wrong ham.
Off to my sisters family for Xmas Dinner, which will be lovely. Great dinner cooked by BIL and fun games this evening. Would never be allowed before, he HATED my sister so we could never go.

Hugs to those still I'm horrible relationships and hope for a better 2024. I never thought I'd get free, I have my DDs to thank.

Unbelievably this is my 5th Xmas just me and the dcs! So much better! Xx

Well that depends if you actually get to spend Christmas with your children or not.

Since I split with ex each Christmas has been a tense negotiation of who gets what days and I feel hugely pressured to make my days with kids as good as his - he has a lot more money than I do, is a good cook and has an extended family whereas I do not. I feel every year inadequate in some way.

It's an absolute nightmare and Christmas when we were together was much better.

Thanks for starting this great thread.
As a man it makes me weep how some so-called men treat their wives/gfs/children.
well done to everyone who has taken the step to LTB - and to anyone reading who thinks it’ll get better or it’s your fault: it won’t. It isn’t.
it’s my 14th year doing Christmas for my DC. Always done Boxing Day as ex would not agree to alternate sharing under any circumstances.

That's so sweet. Thank you. And I agree.

I'm struggling & tense today. Currently hiding in kitchen giving myself a stern talking to. Kids need a more relaxed me today!

That's tough 😢 I can imagine that pressure.

I know you know this - but a good Christmas for your DC is just being with you, the rest are extras.

@Almostwelsh that sounds tough, but please don't feel inadequate , I am sure you are doing your very best for your kids day in day out. There will only be me, DS and his girlfriend and they are going off to a gathering afterwards at one of mine and ex DH friends. I’m just making the best of it x

I hear you on this one. No idea of your situation but trust me money doesn’t buy love in the long run. As your children grown they’ll see what’s what. And hopefully understand your means are limited.
Please don’t get yourself in financial problems trying to keep up.
Also try to set a rule - like alternative christmases. Don’t make it an annual pain-fest. You have enough going on already.

I'm the same as you and offer you my most sincere commiserations. It hurts. I've been talking to some lovely people on my own Fred this morning, and they've told me about their own stories over Christmas where it actually worked out alright in the end, even though probably the first year is the hardest.

@CommonSenze lovely post and so right !
Lets all have a good day I’ll be sending out good vibes and thoughts to you all 😘

@CommonSenze tbh the money thing isn't the main issue. The fact I have no family and so can't offer the jolly family Xmas with cousins etc is where I really feel inadequate. And ex is such an excellent cook and really enjoys it, whereas my food is functional. My kids are teens now, just spending Xmas with me isn't really a plus point for them, it's pretty boring.

Ironically when we were together he didn't focus much on Xmas. Since we split, with the help of his mother and extended family he seems to have made much more of an effort.

10 years for me and DS is now 19. We started a Harry Potter tradition that first year and last night was Harry Potter - only he drinks the wine with me now!

First Christmas here.

We're actually spending much of the day together and my wonderful DM invited us all for lunch to take the pressure off me and it be more neutral.
I am very lucky in that we are very amicable and the DCs know that they can come and go as they please.
Last Christmas day I was in tears in the kitchen at 9am in the morning, while he was stumbling around drunk (again) and generally being a pain in the arse (again), having checked out of family life (again).
I swore to myself I wouldn't ever have another Christmas like it.
We officially split about three weeks later and I moved out with the DC not long after.
It's been a very hard year and I've had to learn alot of lessons and to be an "adult" (been with H since i was 18) on my own but, as I sit here in the bath I think this is probably so far been the best Christmas we've had in years.
I can hear him playing with the DC and I don't feel the need to constantly intervene/referee or badger him to engage with them.

He will drink later at my mums and then make his way home so the children have opted to stay with me tonight.
The absolute relief I feel knowing that I won't have to carry him to bed is bliss!

Yes very similar, hate the tension around it being fair.

im coping better than last year at least but Christmas as I said up the thread is the worst time for me.

9th Christmas as a single parent and first one in which DC is working full time and took time to pick a couple of thoughtful presents for me. I feel very proud of him. After all these years of watching him open my presents, it was a great surprise to receive some fantastic ones

@Willyoujustbequiet - I’m sorry it’s so tough. I hope things look up soon x

We have the same with LOTR.

Sarah Milligan does a wonderful job on Twitter of bringing people together @ColdinNovember Definitely worth checking out if things dry up for you here on MN.

Replying to you but a more general point: if you hadn't left you would still be three years away from where you are now. Say you are due to meet the amazing man in two years (don't believe in fate but for illustrative purposes!) - you only have to wait two years now. If you had stayed it would be much longer. And you get to be happier in the meantime. You deserve to be happy and if you want to meet a new partner you deserve an amazing one.

Thank you x

Would you really be in a better position with an abuser though?

As time goes it that sort of thing gets worse and apart from the DC seeing it, they usually are at the rough end eventually.

But your plight with disabled family and being up in the night is very tough. I'm so sorry about that. Do you see that possibility of things improving in the future?

Well that’s Xmas done and dusted! Better than I thought - ive been in PJ for 3 days , just popped a coat over for dog walks, ate, drank and watched the TV I wanted to . I sent DS home with all the Xmas leftovers and cleaned out my fridge this morning.
Bring on 2024 I say!
Hope everyone got through it best they could , and those of you with DC and complex contact arrangements were able to make it work.

Thank you @sprangerton. I, and probably many others, needed to hear that. Appreciate it ❤️❤️❤️