To say to anyone considering LTB…

[Russooooo]

… just bloody do it.

This is my third Christmas as a single parent and it is sooooooo much nicer / easier / more relaxing than as an (unhappily) married one.

I’m sat on the sofa with Prosecco, watching the Sewing Bee Christmas special. Presents are wrapped. Kids are asleep. All is calm and well.

I don’t need to worry about what time he’ll be home or how hungover he’ll be in the morning. I’m not feeling resentful about doing it all on my own, because this is what I chose. I’ve bought what I want, without criticism. We’ll eat what we want tomorrow.

Honestly, if you’re worrying it’ll be harder on your own, or staying together ‘for the kids’, don’t. Just LTB.

Second Christmas here and I could not agree more!

Last December was the lowest and darkest point of my life (finally got the truth about the OW etc etc). This December I'm the happiest I've ever been in every way possible - I can't actually believe the difference!

Yes, @ColdinNovember. I’m lucky that my children are here, but I think the fear of being away from kids at key times also feeds into the ‘not rocking the boat’ concept that stops people from LTB.

I hated the thought of being away from the kids, but (just as so many wise women here predicted) his initial plea for 50-50, reduced to EOW, and is now 1-2 nights per month.

even if they weren’t here, I’m confident (now) that they - and I - would be fine and that we’d have a better time with whatever our Christmas looked like than we used to.

First year after I split from exh made the mistake of letting him come back for the day on Christmas Day. Totally ruined everything, just as it ever was. Since then I’ve done it alone with the kids and they’ve visited him in the evening.

Utter bliss, no useless, lazy bastard staying in bed all morning, doing nothing! No disappointment at running around and receiving no acknowledgement or gift. No horrible atmosphere and complaints!

Cannot wait for tomorrow, will spend the morning cooking for children that appreciate me. Share gifts, have some fun. Then they will go to see ex (5 minutes walk) when I plan to spend the evening watching the last 4 episodes of the crown.

I did exactly the same @TroglodytesTroglodytes. Invited him over the first year. I think a lot of us do.

never again!!

Gosh, I've just realised this is my 10th year as a single parent. I love it! I still wake up feeling free and it's bloody brilliant not having to put up with someone else's wird habits, annoyances and family. Utter peace (and a king size bed to myself) I put DDs presents out earlier, and felt so lucky that it's just me and her as we have a lovely, peaceful little life

Merry Christmas, all!

I LTB when I was pregnant but we are 14 years in now. The first year your DC is away from you for Christmas (we alternated each year and did 12 noon Christmas eve -12noon boxing day) is hard. But if you make your own more grown up tradition for yourself you can look forward to it.

8th year here. No more arguments, drinking from the 23rd solidly to the 2nd January and calling me boring because I didn't want or couldn't drink because I had 2 young kids.
Doing all the presents all the Christmas admin- everything. And I don't have to spend Christmas with his family anymore. 🎉🎉🎉

6th one here too

No abuse

No blackmail

No one watching every single move

Tis heaven

Feel sooooooo lucky

Without a doubt.

It's Christmas Eve and our house is happy, organised, decorated, peaceful. 😊

Tomorrow I will get up when I want, prep the veg, do breakfast & presents with DS, then we'll go for a long walk with some friends. Back to cook lunch, eat, relax, play board games and cards, watch a Christmas film, enjoy each other's company.

There won't be any arguing, complaining, criticism, oneupmanship or drunkeness. Getting on with each other is so easy.

It's my 21st Christmas as a single parent. DS is NC with his other parent due to DA.

Prior to 2002 Christmas was a time of dread, how pissed would he be? Would he "start"? Several Christmases of decamping to my Mum's (presents, kids and all) late Xmas eve. It was shit and it took me a long time to leave.

2015-2019 - DS diagnosed with ASD/EUPD amongst other things, Xmas and all the expectations that go with it as well as NC with almost all immediate family members made things difficult.

2023 - My wonderful 21 year old DS came home early from a visit to his GF's family, I made him his first ever charcuterie (aka picky bits) board. We exchanged Xmas Eve Boxes (PJs, bath bombs, hot chocolate etc), watched Captain America (I'm having a try at Marvel) while cuddling the dogs.

I came up to bed and left him hoovering the living room and setting up my surprises for the morning. I've paid for a family holiday this year (for 2024) so have explained that presents will be pared down from the usual heap as he's getting older now too.

He's been plotting with his older sister to get me more presents than I've got him because he wants to thoroughly spoil me. I know Christmas isn't all about presents and I genuinely am not bothered if something costs 50p or 50 quid so long as its thoughtful.

He's been planning this for months, it's the first year he's been more excited to give than receive and I feel so bloody grateful for my lovely boy that I had a little cry earlier.

Hear, hear, OP! LTB 5 years ago and they have been the very best of my adult life.

So it’s vehement agreement here. Being a single parent is a piece of piss in comparison to doing it all with an abusive sulky manchild who made everything worse, every single day. And it still took me nearly 2 decades to leave!

Merry Christmas

This is so true x

I enjoyed it on my own but more enjoy it with hubby and 4 kids we've already had so much fun the last 2 days

Loving this thread. Thanks for starting @Russooooo

My 4th Christmas as a single parent.

Sheer and utter bliss. Life is so much better without him.

Year 1, I didn't know I would be, or could be, this content. Now in Year 4, I'm reflecting on why I didn't LTB sooner.

8 years single here, and I could not agree more!

Reading this with hope that this will be me next year. Had yet another row last night and it just reminded me he can’t or won’t ever see my pov. He called me cruel and controlling, when I’m just trying, for the first time in nearly 20 years, to articulate how his actions make me feel.

we have been having marriage therapy but it’s just making me realise this isn’t what I want.

Good to hear all of your positive stories. It won’t be easy as he won’t leave the house without a fight, but I just can’t do this anymore.

It's my 7th year.
Some years I have them. Some I don't.
They have just done stockings with me. And it was fabulous!

The first was very hard. But we have built our own traditions now. And they can move to any day we decide is Christmas day for us.

It's far better than before. No bad feelings around.
Just us.

A slightly alternative view.

10 years as a single parent. Overall, despite how very hard it's been, it's been worth it - he was abusive, and nearly destroyed me. He's continued to put me & DC through hell, but at least he's not here.

I've always had DC, he has only had sporadic contact (his choice) & they are now mostly NC with him, with very occasional contact.

Christmas has always been hard; I'm always very busy in work, no family support, finances a challenge. Just making it happen is not easy. I spent most Christmases just me & DC, a few with family that were easier but I'm back to just me & DC, due to complicated family relationships.

I know it's better than if he were here (I can't remember the last Christmas he was here but the 2nd last one with a new baby, toddler & pre-schooler he took himself to bed in the eldest's bedroom & never reappeared; I had to serve up Christmas dinner to me & DC alone. He appeared eventually & ignored me completely). But it's always lonely & I am not in good form & often snappy.

The kids aren't up yet; I might try & chat to them about making this a happy day together - the rest of the year is fine but Christmas as a single parent, for me, is still hard.

My 3rd Christmas and the first where she's spent Christmas Eve at his (we had tears from her over this because she's never been away from me for Christmas) and I'm about to go and collect her
First Christmas when he accused me of faking having COVID really sealed the deal that I was better off without!
Life is so much better just the 2 of us!

This is my 3rd Christmas as a single parent, and I'm still lying in bed as DC are at their Dad's for another couple of hours.

Worked out well for me as I did all the present shopping over the last couple of days, then had a lovely couple of glasses of wine and watched The Crown last night.

Without my EXDP, there's:

• no more wondering if he actually managed to buy me a present before 5pm on Christmas Eve that didn't come from the M&S bargain bucket

• no more me having to sort all the DC presents (including his DC, my DSC), then him complaining I've spent too much (of my) money

• no more wondering what mood he'd be in after a few drinks

• no more me asking for help to get things ready and him lying on the sofa pretending he can't hear me

As much as leaving my EXDP was 100% the right thing to do, I do wish I had a lovely man to treat me and spoil me every now and again.

Third here. The first was the hardest - but still better than when we were together - I just feel so relaxed it’s unreal.

Yabu

It doesn't work out well for some of us.

The abuse got far worse. I had to give up a hard earned career. Dc were totally abandoned by his side so essentially have no family other than me and they are disabled. It's destroyed my health and likely reduced my life expectancy.

The worry keeps me up at night (aside from DC too). I haven't had unbroken sleep in years.

I'd stay if I could turn back time.

Thank you for this post.

First Christmas single in 19 years and probably the first ever waking up to an empty house on Christmas morning. LO should be home soon so looking forward to that,

Positives I won't be resentful about doing everything myself, I don't have to worry about how much he will drink, who he is really on the phone to on the call he has to take outside for reception, don't have to walk on egg shells to avoid an argument and don't have to fake happiness at a gift with zero thought!

Such a good post OP.
It never ceases to amaze me what horrors some women accept for themselves .

Have a lovely Christmas Day! You’ve inspired me to watch The Great British Sewing Bee Christmas Special!