To just sod it all and make fish and chips?

[Creativebee]

My autistic DD has just had a meltdown about Christmas Day dinner reservations I made months ago! We’ve been through the menu a 100 times, talked about the timing and plans, written them down and yet we still had the meltdown. I’ve been in tears, me and DH have had a huge row (just out of pure frustration), the house is a tip, I’ve not bothered wrapping gifts (just thrown them into bags because I can’t be bothered and I’ve lost my Christmas spirit), I’ve still got a tonne of work stuff I need to get through before 27/12 and I am so close to cancelling but don’t have any food in the house for Christmas dinner because I wasn’t meant to make Christmas dinner for the first time in 24 years!!! All I have is frozen battered fish, a bag of chicken nuggets, one cauliflower cheese and a bag of chips. My son decided to come over last week as he wanted to spend Christmas at his home (he lives 400 miles away) so it’s just me, DH and DD hence why I decided to not cook. Not feeling festive at all.

Christmas is not about gorging on a 5-course meal. It's about spending time with the family. Enjoy your fish and chips with your son.

Fish and chips sounds fine, tbh. Relax. Take time to decompress. Watch something nice, drink eggnog or something else. Don't worry about anything. How old is your daughter? Any chance you leave her at home and just go and enjoy your dinner.

Do it. What does it matter. People spend shed loads on the birthday of a bloke born in a stable with no crib or anything, surrounded by animals and the only ones bothered were the local shepherds.
DP and I are having sausage and chips after walking down the pub tomorrow lunch time.
It's not worth the stress. Tell her (and him) you love them...you accept them for who and what they are and stay in your pjs all day (but wear an apron for the frying bit)

Just have the fish and chips. If going out for food is a trigger for your autistic child why put them through that?
I know it's your Christmas too - but is what you eat on one specific day worth causing meltdowns?

Can’t leave DD alone although she is nearly 18 she has very complex health conditions and needs care 24/7. I’m just tired of not being able to just stop just take a break but like you all said, it’s not what we do, it’s who we do it with.

What’s DH’s plan for getting everything shipshape op?

Fish and chips, or order a Chinese takeaway.

Cancel restaurant tonight, and then relax and eat whatever you can get delivered tomorrow.

@BitOutOfPractice he’s currently cleaning the kitchen, put a load of laundry in the washer and put one out for drying. I didn’t ask him but I think our row might have made him realise how frustrated and tired I am. He’s trying and I feel so guilty right now.

Can one of you collect the meal for takeaway instead? Would be sad to waste a paid meal that you won't get a refund on. She can have fish and chips - some newsagents are open tonight and tomorrow and have frozen and canned foods if you need anything else - depending on where you live of course

After such an emotionally fraught today, don't risk tomorrow being more of it.

Do whatever you can to make tomorrow as easy as possible to increase the chances that you all get to rest and enjoy it.

Which means fish and chips and some Xmas telly, in my book.

Merry Christmas OP.

Fish and chips sound perfect.

What's the point in going out for a glorified and overpriced Sunday roast that you will neither enjoy or find relaxing?

Stay in the comfort of your own home, have a lovely meal of fish and chips and relax.

Maybe buy some nice food for a new years eve buffet at home and make it a bit of a celebration instead x

Ask the restaurant to box your food up. One of you collect it and bring it back to eat at home.

i wouldn’t just cancel - that’s hundreds of pounds lost. Pub meals on Christmas Day are £££££

You deserve to have a break and be able to go out for the Christmas meal you have paid for and looked forward to.

I don't have enough experience with either autism or (obviously) your daughter to know if that is possible but I would at least keep the booking till late morning tomorrow to see if there's any chance.

Fish and chips at home might keep your daughter happy but I'm guessing her wants and needs come first the other 364 days of the year. I hope yours can win through tomorrow. But definitely don't beat yourself up if they can't. You can only achieve what you can achieve.

Have the Christmas you can all enjoy. I like the suggestion of asking if you can collect the food as a takeaway, though. Maybe offer to take your own containers, if needs be.

Maybe for future years, think about ready prepared and easy to cook stuff from markses. That's got us through many Christmases with autistic DC, thiugh my almost 18yo now lives for pigs in blankets and doesn't care where they come from!

My sister and her daughter are having pizza chips and beans.
Im having gamon and mash i think i might have pot noodle instead.

We are having baked potatoes. Beans and cheese for me and tuna and cheese for Dh.
If it works for you, do it.

(but yes you may still have to pay for the meal - like the idea of asking for it to be boxed. You could freeze it as tv dinners later)

As a second choice, asking the restaurant to box your meal is a fab idea. They might not be able to but it would 100% be worth explaining and asking.

I have adhd and have basically cancelled Christmas after a meltdown a couple of years ago about the veg.

Just suggested pizza to DH and he's very happy with that suggestion!

I'd ask them if you can have the food take out and do fish and chips for DD.

Great idea !

My 19 year old son (autistic) has never eaten a Christmas dinner 🤷‍♀️.
It's his day too so I make him his usual restricted dinner and keep demands to a minimum.
Christmas is a stressful time for our kids so i consider his needs over mine and I've learnt not to sweat the small stuff x

Autistic house here and couldn’t imagine booking a meal out on Christmas Day, the meltdowns would unfortunately be inevitable. There’s already too much change going on this time of year with school holidays starting, decorations up, different events happening etc. An enjoyable Christmas needs to be enjoyable for the whole family.

I’d do whatever is least stress tomorrow, see how she’s feeling, plan a low stress morning with whatever activities calm her down. Don’t do the presents etc if that will add more stress. Then if you can manage some of the meal do that, or else ask if there’s any way of collecting some or all of it, or make fish and chips at home.

We’re having pie and mash tomorrow, we’ll have presents another day and then a roast a different day to spread out the stress. It being Christmas and a day off work/school is enough for one day.

Food collection is a genius idea. Hopefully they'll agree to that.

Autism sucks- you feel you're walking a tightrope trying to keep everyone happy and sometimes it doesn't matter how well you prepare your DC it can still fall through. The only way I can cope is to always have a plan b. But it sounds like you have other challenges too and you need some time for you. I really hope you find a way to to look after you.

We’ve made reservations for 4pm so late lunch/early dinner. I’m going to wait until 11am and see how DD is, if she’s still reluctant, I will ask if we can collect the food, if not I’ll make the freezer foods we have. She’ll probably eat the food from the restaurant but I know she’s overwhelmed because it’s an unknown place, everything has changed and routine is huge for her but usually if we plan things in advance (I mean months in advance) she will adjust with lots of help but this time she’s not adjusted and is really struggling. I’ve calmed down now and after reading everyone’s responses it’s really helped calm me down and to think with a clear mind again. Thank you all and best wishes for tomorrow