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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Christmas, covid and the inlaws

40 replies

Tenpintonpin · 24/12/2023 15:56

I tested positive for Covid yesterday, currently with 'heavy cold' symptoms. We've changed our plans for Christmas Day as we were planning to go to my parents and my mum is in remission from cancer. My inlaws live overseas but are currently staying with sister in law (5 hours drive away). The original plan was that they would come to ours on Boxing Day and then stay for 10 days before returning home. DH called them today to say I had covid and suggest they stay where they are for a few extra days or go and stay with other relatives. Their response was 'it doesn't matter, we've both been vaccinated, we're not going to change our plans'. Both inlaws are in their 80s with a variety of health issues. If either of them caught covid they risk serious complications. I think we should just tell them directly they can't come until I test negative, DH says the decision to visit is up to them (although if I became too ill to have guests he would obviously tell them that). AIBU?

OP posts:

rochenutty · 24/12/2023 15:57

do you want to see them?

pikkumyy77 · 24/12/2023 15:57

Ridiculous. Tell them straight out this is a risk you don’t accept.

FacingTheWall · 24/12/2023 15:59

It’s up to them whether they want to take the risk or not, surely? So long as you’re not too ill to have guests then let them decide.

Ladybughello · 24/12/2023 16:05

I’m usually on the cautious side with these things, but to be honest I think this one is really up to them. I would strongly discourage them but not say they can’t visit, if that’s what they want and DH is also happy with it.

Hbh17 · 24/12/2023 16:08

YABU. Talk about a non-issue - they want to come - it's fine. The vast majority of people wouldn't have tested in the first place, so there wouldn't be anything to discuss.
Stop mollycoddling older people, get on with your life and let them get on with theirs.

Original poster

Tenpintonpin · 24/12/2023 16:20

Not particularly, but it's a very rare occurrence so am happy to have them here under normal circumstances!

OP posts:

Original poster

Tenpintonpin · 24/12/2023 16:20

Sorry, that was a reply to the first message.

OP posts:

rochenutty · 24/12/2023 16:33

your DH says their call
they are both vaccinated
and they both are eager to come

Yep, i’d have them over

Hoogieflip · 24/12/2023 16:34

I've got Covid just now, caught from my husband who's still testing positive. Neither of us is well enough to host guests. How would you cope in the same, likely, situation? And, if one/both of your in-laws caught it, was hospitalised ... Personally, I would refuse to let someone force me into that situation. Even if it took a white lie: "sorry, but I'm too ill to have you."
Good luck and get well soon 🎄.

Allwelcone · 24/12/2023 16:34

Their decision OP. Provided you''re feeling OK amd dh will pull his weight.
We have had this, ILs not coming due to covid+ in the house. We left it up to them.
I was slightly worried they'd still come but expect me to absent myself along with youngest dc who is also +.

Original poster

Tenpintonpin · 24/12/2023 16:42

@Hbh17 it's not mollycoddling, I just don't want to be responsible for making either of them seriously ill - they could well end up in hospital or, at the very least, stuck here for an extended period of time, unable to travel home. Neither do I want to be dealing with guests if I start feeling ill or if DH/DCs come down with it and we end up with a house full of sick people. Seems like a silly risk to take for the sake of staying a couple of extra nights where they are now.

OP posts:

BeforetheFlood · 24/12/2023 16:45

It's all very well your DH and in laws saying it'll be fine, but if they come down with it and become very unwell is there going to be - a) a burden of responsibility on you to care for them or b) any sense that you'll unfairly be blamed for infecting them?

I don't understand this handwaving away of risk, when it obviously needs to be considered. Yes, hopefully they won't catch it. If they do, hopefully they wouldn't be too ill. But they might, and they might not recover, as many elderly people don't. That possibility needs to be confronted.

(There's also the issue that, even though you don't feel hugely unwell now, hosting family for a long time is tiring at the best of times. Your needs matter too.)

BeforetheFlood · 24/12/2023 16:45

Sorry - my post pretty much echoes yours op!

rochenutty · 24/12/2023 16:46

why did you test with a heavy cold?

Original poster

Tenpintonpin · 24/12/2023 16:49

I tested because we were planning to see my parents on Christmas Day, and my mum is immunosupressed (see op).

OP posts:

rochenutty · 24/12/2023 16:53

it’s an anonymous forum op

you can be honest with us

the prospect of your aged in laws that you don’t know well staying for 10 days…. is bloody unappealing that that is your real motivation for this angst?!

Original poster

Tenpintonpin · 24/12/2023 17:05

@rochenutty I can just about cope with them staying for 10 days, it's the risk that they may get ill and be stuck here for a month which pushes me over the edge!

OP posts:

Nutella22 · 24/12/2023 17:07

YANBU, I’m baffled that anyone would willingly go and stay with someone who has Covid. Governments/the media have really done well on pushing the ‘Covid is mild’ line haven’t they.

Hope you get well soon OP.

sprigatito · 24/12/2023 17:11

It's rather rude of them to simply announce that they'll be coming anyway, without considering whether you might be feeling too ill to host. That would rub me up the wrong way.

If you do decide to let them come and risk being infected, I think you should make it crystal clear that he, not you, is the default host and general dogsbody, and if you start to feel rotten, you go to bed and it's up to him to manage feeding and entertaining his parents.

PandaCory · 24/12/2023 17:14

Could your SIL keep them for a couple of extra days while you recover/make sure husband isn't coming down with it too?

Dontfuckingsaycheese · 24/12/2023 17:19

I had covid over the last couple of weeks. I didn’t test to start with as everyone at work was also ill. Turns out some of them had covid too! It really knocked it out of me for a good 10 days. I only even dared drive on Friday for the first time. The last thing I’d want to be doing is hosting visitors even if they had no concerns for their own health. I’m relieved I’m feeling better now and have managed to shop minimally for Christmas Day as I have 3 coming. I really don’t think I’d be feeling so well if I hadn’t done nothing for the last 10 days but rest, eat, have baths and watch endless tv under a blankie on the sofa. Will you be able to do that?! 😱

SmudgeButt · 24/12/2023 17:28

Only allow them to come if you are feeling well enough to enjoy their company. For them to insist is completely rude.

HowcanIhelp123 · 24/12/2023 17:28

Tenpintonpin · 24/12/2023 17:05

@rochenutty I can just about cope with them staying for 10 days, it's the risk that they may get ill and be stuck here for a month which pushes me over the edge!

Personally I think their health their choice. You've clearly stated the issue, they want to come anyway. You may well no longer be infectious when they arrive so have DH clean the house thoroughly.

Let them come, by the time they get anything you'll be well into the clear. If they get ill and have to stay, you can always abscond to your parents house to see them while DH cares for his. After all, he also says its their choice 😉

LaurieFairyCake · 24/12/2023 17:41

Totally their choice (as long as your DH does the hosting) - in their 80's who knows when would be the last one 🤷‍♀️

Plus they'll have no decent food in and it's stressful changing plans last minute

Original poster

Tenpintonpin · 24/12/2023 21:50

PandaCory · 24/12/2023 17:14

Could your SIL keep them for a couple of extra days while you recover/make sure husband isn't coming down with it too?

That's clearly the most sensible option, isn't it? Husband is now reconsidering his position based on the fact that they could potentially get 'stuck' here if they became too ill to travel home - that would be miserable for all involved, even if they weren't "at death's door" ill.

OP posts:

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