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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Christmas, covid and the inlaws

40 replies

Tenpintonpin · 24/12/2023 15:56

I tested positive for Covid yesterday, currently with 'heavy cold' symptoms. We've changed our plans for Christmas Day as we were planning to go to my parents and my mum is in remission from cancer. My inlaws live overseas but are currently staying with sister in law (5 hours drive away). The original plan was that they would come to ours on Boxing Day and then stay for 10 days before returning home. DH called them today to say I had covid and suggest they stay where they are for a few extra days or go and stay with other relatives. Their response was 'it doesn't matter, we've both been vaccinated, we're not going to change our plans'. Both inlaws are in their 80s with a variety of health issues. If either of them caught covid they risk serious complications. I think we should just tell them directly they can't come until I test negative, DH says the decision to visit is up to them (although if I became too ill to have guests he would obviously tell them that). AIBU?

OP posts:
crumblenut · 26/12/2023 06:54

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festivepains · 26/12/2023 07:14

Get them to sign a waiver if they do come that it is their decision and they have been informed you have covid. That way if they die then you don't have the guilt to live with.

crumblenut · 26/12/2023 07:19

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rickyrickygrimes · 26/12/2023 07:57
  1. It wouldn’t be your responsibility if they catch Covid from you, having been informed that you have it and you are likely to still be infectious- it’s their responsibility if they choose to visit you nonetheless.
  2. You don’t need to wait until you test negative, you might test positive for weeks. You count 5 days from the first symptoms, or from the date of your positive test (if symptomless).
PuppyMonkey · 26/12/2023 08:06

festivepains · 26/12/2023 07:14

Get them to sign a waiver if they do come that it is their decision and they have been informed you have covid. That way if they die then you don't have the guilt to live with.

Grin

Put the waiver in a cheery Christmas card for added effect.

ragdoll12345 · 26/12/2023 08:12

My SIL is in his 30's and works in healthcare, he has had all his vaccinations. He tested positive last week and has been quite unwell, yesterday seemed to be improving but still testing positive. So the fact that your relatives have been vaccinated in no guarantee they wont get it, be quite unwell or worse.

festivepains · 26/12/2023 08:15

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No.

I'm serious. That way OP is not responsible for their decision. If she's said I don't think it's a good idea as I have covid and they keep pushing then she should get it in writing somehow that she has made clear she has covid and it's their choice. Otherwise if they end up in hospital or die the family might start being all oh it's your fault you gave them covid.

crumblenut · 26/12/2023 08:27

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junebirthdaygirl · 26/12/2023 09:54

They may expect you to hide in your room while they have the run of the house. All their dc need to know the risk they are taking so if anything serious happens no family member is blaming you. People who are vaccinated have died from Covid...they are being very stupid.

nettie434 · 26/12/2023 10:00

Neither do I want to be dealing with guests if I start feeling ill or if DH/DCs come down with it and we end up with a house full of sick people

This is exactly why it's not just what the in laws want to do. I think it's quite reasonable to explain why the original plan is no longer possible.

Ladysodor · 26/12/2023 10:04

If you’re too ill then cancel but you can’t make decisions for other people. I suspect you don’t really want them there.

mumsytoon · 26/12/2023 10:11

Tenpintonpin · 24/12/2023 16:42

@Hbh17 it's not mollycoddling, I just don't want to be responsible for making either of them seriously ill - they could well end up in hospital or, at the very least, stuck here for an extended period of time, unable to travel home. Neither do I want to be dealing with guests if I start feeling ill or if DH/DCs come down with it and we end up with a house full of sick people. Seems like a silly risk to take for the sake of staying a couple of extra nights where they are now.

Agree. I would NOT want the guilt of knowing I could have made them sick even if they were not bothered.

coconutpie · 26/12/2023 10:37

So you are sick and expected to still host for 10 days? Say no, you will be cancelling. Don't "suggest" they stay elsewhere - tell them outright, we are no longer able to host you so you cannot come to us. Sorry for the inconvenience but we know you will understand.

SeatonCarew · 26/12/2023 10:43

Hbh17 · 24/12/2023 16:08

YABU. Talk about a non-issue - they want to come - it's fine. The vast majority of people wouldn't have tested in the first place, so there wouldn't be anything to discuss.
Stop mollycoddling older people, get on with your life and let them get on with theirs.

My MIL died of Covid on Christmas Eve. Somebody obviously didn't mollycoddle her and the other residents in her care home. 👍🏻

crumblenut · 26/12/2023 11:45

SeatonCarew · 26/12/2023 10:43

My MIL died of Covid on Christmas Eve. Somebody obviously didn't mollycoddle her and the other residents in her care home. 👍🏻

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or they had no idea they had covid and visited an aged relative

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