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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

…to think I should not be visiting my vulnerable parents if my son has Covid?

97 replies

ZebraDanios · 24/12/2023 13:20

DS (6) was v ill Thursday and tested positive for Covid. Much better now but still positive. I’m supposed to be visiting my parents, along with my brother’s family, on Boxing Day. Dad is CEV. Parents say I should just go anyway. Just spoken to my brother and he agrees with them.

I understand everything’s a risk but surely knowingly taking a contagious child to visit a vulnerable elderly person is a bad idea?

OP posts:

Sirzy · 24/12/2023 13:22

If your dad knows and is happy to take the risk especially since it will be day 5 so he probably won’t be contagious then as long as he is well I would still go.

Rudolphtherednoseddog · 24/12/2023 13:23

Yes it’s a bad idea. I’m not massively cautious about covid, but I draw the line at knowingly and avoidably taking an infectious child into close quarters with someone extremely vulnerable.

(Edit, missed it was a plan for Boxing Day. I’d test on Boxing Day and see, if my children are a guide he could be negative by then anyway.)

Mrsjayy · 24/12/2023 13:25

id probably go if everybody is feeling up to it as pointed out Tuesday is day 5 your dad isnt bothered just go.

Tomatina · 24/12/2023 13:32

Well I wouldn't go. It's just not worth risking the possibility of your clinically vulnerable dad getting seriously ill. You could maybe go later in the week or for new year. But I understand everyone has a different perception of risk.

Original poster

ZebraDanios · 24/12/2023 14:08

Rudolphtherednoseddog · 24/12/2023 13:23

Yes it’s a bad idea. I’m not massively cautious about covid, but I draw the line at knowingly and avoidably taking an infectious child into close quarters with someone extremely vulnerable.

(Edit, missed it was a plan for Boxing Day. I’d test on Boxing Day and see, if my children are a guide he could be negative by then anyway.)

Edited

If only that were an option - I have to let them know tomorrow morning

OP posts:

rochenutty · 24/12/2023 14:15

Do you want to visit them?

Original poster

ZebraDanios · 24/12/2023 14:18

rochenutty · 24/12/2023 14:15

Do you want to visit them?

Absolutely!!

OP posts:

Whatevershallidowithmylife · 24/12/2023 14:22

If your dad is happy then why not.

rochenutty · 24/12/2023 14:25

has either has covid?

will other family members test before arriving?

rochenutty · 24/12/2023 14:26

ZebraDanios · 24/12/2023 14:08

If only that were an option - I have to let them know tomorrow morning

Show quote history

why? if they want to see you that badly why can’t they wait longer?

Original poster

ZebraDanios · 24/12/2023 14:28

@rochenutty I will test the rest of my family (we’re all negative so far) but no-one else will test. I have to tell my Mum the day before so she knows whether to take one or two turkeys out of the freezer, apparently!

Edited - Dad has had Covid, he had a day of feeling rough but was fine. Mum was ill at the same time so must have been Covid but she didn’t test

OP posts:

rochenutty · 24/12/2023 14:31

she could take both out surely? cook it and if you don’t head over…. have as left overs or other meals

bloody hell… that’s what i’d do if it was my family!

Treesinmygarden · 24/12/2023 14:33

I don't get the drama over the turkeys?

She could cook both and someone could bring your dinner over to you if you can't go?

Babyroobs · 24/12/2023 14:35

It's highly contagious so there's a good chance you will all get it - our family have come down with it 3-4 days after each other. My CEV husband currently has it and hasn't had latest covid jab that he should have, but doesn't seem hugely unwell with it. Not sure I would risk it with elderly people. So many people's Christmas's being ruined again this year. it is sad.

rochenutty · 24/12/2023 14:37

Treesinmygarden · 24/12/2023 14:33

I don't get the drama over the turkeys?

She could cook both and someone could bring your dinner over to you if you can't go?

i agree. baffling!

Original poster

ZebraDanios · 24/12/2023 14:40

Treesinmygarden · 24/12/2023 14:33

I don't get the drama over the turkeys?

She could cook both and someone could bring your dinner over to you if you can't go?

We’re far too far away for that to be a possibility unfortunately!

OP posts:

Original poster

ZebraDanios · 24/12/2023 14:41

I don’t get the drama over the turkeys either. I actually suggested getting one turkey out and bringing our own if it was that big a deal…

OP posts:

MaryHinges · 24/12/2023 14:42

I think this will come down to opinion. I am vulnerable and boosted to the forehead but I'm still concerned about avoidable risk. DH came home from work with COVID a month ago and there wasn't much I could do about that and I had recently been boostered so didn't catch it, but if a visitor was positive I'd probably wait until they were clear. Your parents still want you to go but probably aren't thinking along the lines they could get it and end up in hospital because they just want to see the kids. I suppose weigh up the odds and make your own decision. If you know you won't forgive yourself and will wish you had waited if they do catch it and get seriously ill then postpone it.

BigandBeefy · 24/12/2023 14:43

I wouldn't. We all had covid last week and it was a really rotten dose. Even if it wasn't covid I wouldn't purposefully expose people to days of feeling like death.

sleepyscientist · 24/12/2023 14:58

CEV as in unlikely to see next Christmas or CEV but fine? I would personally take your dad's suggestion most kids are negative after 72hrs so just test on the morning....you could test "positive" and be to unwell to travel

Riverstep · 24/12/2023 15:01

Children and young people are only thought to be contagious for three days after a positive Covid test, Boxing Day will be more than that.

Mudflaps · 24/12/2023 15:02

I'd stay at home and visit them later. I travelled 2.5 hrs to my df a week ago, dh was meant to join us today but he's got a cold, cough and a little chesty, hasn't tested because there's none in the house and he hasn't been out but he's nit travelling to join us because my df has lung issues. It's unfortunate because we've had Christmas there since we met over 20 years ago but we're not prepared to chance my father's health. I'll have dinner here and then drive 2.5 hrs with a dinner for husband.

Iwishiwasasilentnight · 24/12/2023 15:03

It’s a difficult one. If your Dad is older and unwell he maybe thinking fuck the risk, I want another Christmas with my family as there may not be many left.

Original poster

ZebraDanios · 24/12/2023 15:06

Dad is CEV but actually fairly robust. Mum had a bad cold a few weeks back (I mean, I did think it was Covid then…) and he didn’t get it.

My parents are fairly cavalier about Covid generally but I can’t do anything about the risks they choose to take - my problem is that this is up to me.

OP posts:

MaryHinges · 24/12/2023 15:25

ZebraDanios · 24/12/2023 15:06

Dad is CEV but actually fairly robust. Mum had a bad cold a few weeks back (I mean, I did think it was Covid then…) and he didn’t get it.

My parents are fairly cavalier about Covid generally but I can’t do anything about the risks they choose to take - my problem is that this is up to me.

So what does your gut tell you?

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