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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hairdresser, I urgently need your advice

34 replies

DinosaurQuilt · 24/12/2023 09:30

Posting for traffic

or AIBU to take the scissors to DD (24) hair?

DD is 24. She says she’s growing her hair to donate to a teenage cancer charity for wigs. Admirable and super lovely of her.

BUT

she hasn’t been to the hairdressers for at least 18 months (she doesn’t live at home so I can’t March her off on a Saturday). Her hair is raggedy with split ends, broken hair and it is dry, very dry at the ends. She is also vegetarian so isn’t getting any collagen to help with the protein content in her hair. She also eschews plastic bottles so uses shampoo bars and not a lot of conditioner as far as I can tell. I have strong words to describe how her hair looks but it’s Christmas and I do love her really so I won’t say it.

She is home for Christmas. I want to get some sharp scissors and trim the ends off (a good inch).

Please will you list ALL the reasons why I should do this. Mine are:

It will make her hair look better while she’s growing it.
It will make her look more professional at work.
The charity won’t accept her hair while it’s in shocking condition.
The broken hair strands and split hair will work its way up the hair shaft and make growing her hair actually take longer as she will never get the full head of thick long hair while it’s weak at the ends and breaking off.
She needs to add argan oil to her hair care routine.

Please help me say the above and anything else in a NICE way to her otherwise I’m going to have a massive argument with her and that will be crap for everyone.

But I’m right aren’t I! And the “her hair, her rules” doesn’t apply as she’s actually growing it for other people so it needs to be good for them.

TIA and merry Christmas.

OP posts:
DewHopper · 24/12/2023 09:31

How old is she OP? If she is an adult then leave her be. Not your hair and not your problem.

Sirzy · 24/12/2023 09:31

At 24 she can do what she wants with her hair

StillWantingADog · 24/12/2023 09:33

At 24 you need to leave her to it
14 would be a different matter
I’d encourage her to donate it early in 2024

Merryoldgoat · 24/12/2023 09:33

Oh ffs

StBrides · 24/12/2023 09:33

You might be better off seeing if charities which accept hair have certain conditions for accepting it...Casually mention those that apply.

But tbh, mothers commenting on their daughters hair? Sure fire way to ruin Christmas- don't go there

PelvicFloorClenchReminder · 24/12/2023 09:33

No, no you aren't right.

Ilovemyshed · 24/12/2023 09:36

She is an adult, you are wrong. It is none of your business.

ManateeFair · 24/12/2023 09:38

She’s 24 years old, for Christ’s sake. Stop being so overbearing and mind your own business.

Original poster
DinosaurQuilt · 24/12/2023 09:39

Are you all hairdressers and is this your professional opinion?

OP posts:
DontGoGran · 24/12/2023 09:39

ManateeFair · 24/12/2023 09:38

She’s 24 years old, for Christ’s sake. Stop being so overbearing and mind your own business.

This. 100% this. Leave the poor woman alone.

ofestivetree · 24/12/2023 09:40

There's not much you can do back off with the scissors.

The ONLY thing I can think of is to ask (not now, after Christmas) if she's gone to the hairdresser who will make the cut and asked them if there's anything she can do to make sure her hair is in best condition for the donations.

ofestivetree · 24/12/2023 09:41

DinosaurQuilt · 24/12/2023 09:39

Are you all hairdressers and is this your professional opinion?

You don't need to be a professional hairdresser to know you need to back off.

This isn't a hair issue it's a people issue

grapestar · 24/12/2023 09:41

DinosaurQuilt · 24/12/2023 09:39

Are you all hairdressers and is this your professional opinion?

You asked in aibu so don't expect nice answers. She is an adult. Leave her alone. And yes you are being unreasonable

AndOnAndOn1000 · 24/12/2023 09:41

She’s 24! She can do exactly what she likes.

What’s stopping you simply/gently articulating the positives of why it needs a trim?

dementedpixie · 24/12/2023 09:43

I would ask if she wants the ends trimming and accept her answer either way. My dd doesn't mind me trimming the back of her hair or her fringe as it saves a hairdresser trip. It's done on her terms though

Gowlett · 24/12/2023 09:47

And, here’s me worried about a turkey…

hellojelly · 24/12/2023 09:48

If her hair isn't in good condition then a charity won't accept it, certainly not full of split ends etc. But at 24 that's a mistake she'll realise on her own when she has her hair cut and it's a waste of time. Let her be.

Ilovemyshed · 24/12/2023 09:49

DinosaurQuilt · 24/12/2023 09:39

Are you all hairdressers and is this your professional opinion?

It is not a hair issue, it is a bullying issue. Stand down.

ilovemyspace · 24/12/2023 09:49

@DinosaurQuilt Not sure why everyone's been so hard on you.
In your position, I'd probably want to do something too! She may be an adult, but she's still your daughter and you want the best for her. She'll probably be really upset when the charity refuses her hair donation - because they probably will as they stipulate the hair must be in good condition.
How about just bringing the subject up in conversation and having a general chat about it and asking if the charity have mentioned any conditions they have re donating hair and then just taking it from there?

LinnieM · 24/12/2023 09:54

DinosaurQuilt · 24/12/2023 09:39

Are you all hairdressers and is this your professional opinion?

What professional is going to tell you that you should cut your ADULT daughters hair without consent? All you can do is encourage her to go to the hairdressers and deal with the split ends. She doesn’t have to do that especially if she’s growing her hair for a reason

NooNakedJacuzziness · 24/12/2023 09:54

Can you buy her a deep conditioning mask for Christmas? nip out quickly. Might get her into a routine if she likes it.

GalileoHumpkins · 24/12/2023 10:03

She's way past the age where mummy has any say in what she does with her hair. How are you planning to cut it if she doesn't want you to? Are you going to slip her a Mickey and do it while she's out?

Original poster
DinosaurQuilt · 24/12/2023 10:03

For those of you who think I’m going to strap her to a chair, wow.

Thank you to the others for your advice. Am off to Sainsbos.

OP posts:
Itssnacktime · 24/12/2023 10:05

Hairdresser here. It sounds like she'd benefit from a trim and regular trims going forward to maintain condition (edited to add - from a hairdresser). Especially if she'd like to donate her hair which is a lovely thing for her to do.

Mum here. Don't mention it to her over Christmas, perhaps treat her to a conditioner/treatment that aligns with her feelings about reduced plastic, being good for the environment etc. Don't attempt to cut her hair, you'll probably do more harm than good to the style of her hair and your relationship.

Enjoy Christmas with your daughter!

Caerulea · 24/12/2023 10:06

OP - I think the charity thing might be a bit of a red herring & actually her hair just drives you up the wall ;)

It might be uncared for but it won't affect her professionalism, that's a very old fashioned view.

If you need to mention it at all (and you know you'll be able to reign yourself in after) then just casually ask if she's learned what she needs to do for the donation. Obvs you're right they won't (can't) accept damaged hair, it's no good to them & tbh if it's actually badly split & broken there is no permanent fix just temporary things that will make it look better. She'd need to chop it back to the healthy hair & then start with oils etc. BUT she needs to work that out herself, not have you tell her UNLESS SHE ASKS!

Fwiw, I'm not attacking you, my teen son makes me wince with picking his skin when I know how to help him with it & did help both his brothers but he's not bothered so it's only my problem, not his, & I'd just make him self conscious if I bought it up.

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