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Original poster

All the 'I don't understand' Christmas threads

64 replies

SweetFemaleAttitude · 24/12/2023 07:47

When the OP in their faux naivete starts a thread to say they don't 'understand' something, when what they actually mean is 'I'm so clever and you're all doing it wrong'

They can't possibly 'understand' that people carry out tasks in a different manner to them and if they do, they're stupid because if they only did it the OP's way, i.e, the correct way, their lives would be sooooo much easier.

If they genuinely 'don't understand' that people do things differently, then I do worry about how they get themselves up in the morning.

If they want to start a thread about how great they are are something, then frame it in that way, rather than the 'I don't understand' angle, as it just makes them look as thick as mince.

OP posts:
BibbleandSqwauk · 24/12/2023 08:21

Yes I agree about Christmas especially. For lots of people, especially women, there is a great deal of pressure to "do" Christmas a certain way. It may be in some posters' families that pressure isn't there or they are less susceptible to social media so people will be stressed and hassled because they'll feel they are letting people down.

Savedpassword · 24/12/2023 08:22

YANBU. MN seems particularly bad tempered, judgy and sneery this Christmas 🙄

mangochops · 24/12/2023 08:23

Yes, it's bizarre. I once posted that I took my Christmas tree down on Boxing Day to clear everything up only to be helpfully informed by someone that I was "ruining Christmas" for my children, I was basically a horrible selfish person, Santa would die a horrible death yada yada yada. The tree had been up for a month by that point. It just made me laugh that a stranger could get so full of rage about something that didnt affect them in the slightest and also grateful not to be such a tightly wound prick.

TrashedSofa · 24/12/2023 08:27

It's quite common on here for people to say they don't understand something, when they clearly imagine the problem to lie in the other person rather than in their lack of understanding. It usually sounds daft, and Christmas is no exception.

AlisonDonut · 24/12/2023 08:28

I don't understand why people don't understand that there is a Christmas board to shove their un-understandings about Christmas in.

ManateeFair · 24/12/2023 08:40

margotrose · 24/12/2023 07:59

In the context of the Christmas threads, it generally just means "I don't get why you'd put yourself through all of that for one day".

But even that’s disingenuous, because what they really mean by “I don’t get why you’d put yourself through all of that for one day” is “If you do things differently to me, you are doing it wrong”.

All the ‘I don’t understand why people say Christmas is expensive, I’ve spent four pounds on each of my 2 DC and we grew all the food in the garden because we’re having a vegetable tagine’ stuff from the ‘I don’t understand’ people is basically just smug judgement of people who like different things to them. It’s nothing more than that.

MrsRetriever · 24/12/2023 08:50

Agreed. It’s the same as when people on here say “I don’t know anyone who… [has a toilet brush, doesn’t have a dining table, uses a mooncup] etc when they actually mean “me, my mum and my friend don’t do/have this”.

formulaonecar · 24/12/2023 08:51

The only thing I do kind of relate to is when people are complaining endlessly about something but won't say no to it or do anything about it. Eg their family/friends are being unreasonable at Christmas, they don't want to do xyz but won't say no. I get it's not easy saying no but really your only two options here are: 1. Do it (but secretly seethe about it) or 2. Say no, which may cause temporary discomfort but at least you're being honest.

The rest of the "I don't understand" threads are definitely about some kind of faux posturing under the guise of "if you don't do it like me, you're wrong".

KylieJennersMakeUpSponge · 24/12/2023 08:52

The “I just don’t understand” threads are just a way for OPs to crow that they’re sooooo superior to everyone else because they don’t do Christmas Eve boxes/crackers/fun

ErmWhatever · 24/12/2023 08:59

God people like this are so boring.
Thinking they're the oh so clever arbiters of right and wrong.

Its rife on mumsnet, but I notice it a lot in real life too; people who apparently can't possibly understand why anyone would chose to do things differently to them.

Conversation just this week with a colleague who just could not wrap her head around why anyone would buy a takeaway. Yawn.

Pipistrellus · 24/12/2023 09:00

ClottedCreamScone · 24/12/2023 08:12

I see this a little differently. It takes a lot of work to create Christmas, and most of the time that falls on women. I understand completely why it can be stressful and exhausting (I find bits of it to be so), but it doesn’t necessarily mean it doesn’t feel worth it to them. And they may well feel that if they don’t do the work, they’ll be letting people down (by not delivering long loved traditions etc).

it’s easy to say ‘just don’t do it’ to someone who is stressed and overwhelmed but many people will simply feel it isn’t an option not to. They WANT the end result they’re creating. Most of the time the issue is they don’t have enough help from their partner and family, in which case the people not stepping up to help deliver are at fault, not the person (usually a woman) killing herself to create an incredible Christmas. She deserves praise and recognition, not a sneery dismissal of her efforts from people telling her not to bother.

Show quote history

Do the others actually want the end result that she wants though? Or would they be happy with a simpler Christmas? I find it more work to help at a family Christmas with someone who wants everything a certain way than to do it with just my children and myself at home.

Pipistrellus · 24/12/2023 09:03

But even that’s disingenuous, because what they really mean by “I don’t get why you’d put yourself through all of that for one day” is “If you do things differently to me, you are doing it wrong”.

No. If I were to say that then I would mean what I said.

Makkacakka · 24/12/2023 09:03

I do find this thread a little ironic.

You're basically saying I wouldn't do it, so why are they. Which is the very thing you are moaning about😆

SpongeBob2022 · 24/12/2023 09:05

To be honest, being on Mumsnet all year round has made me realise that people around me IRL probably have incredibly strong views about the way completely trivial things 'must be done' and are secretly judging people all of the time. I never hear anything said in real life but they must be because of the sheer amount of distain and pompousness about certain things on here, where it can be 'got off their chest' anonymously.

Having said that, the Chrismas ones specifically have made me realise I do like things a certain way! So I suspect I am just as bad!

KnitOnePurlTwo · 24/12/2023 09:07

margotrose · 24/12/2023 07:59

In the context of the Christmas threads, it generally just means "I don't get why you'd put yourself through all of that for one day".

I think it’s more ‘How on earth is this such a big deal for you that you’ve been posting on Christmas planning threads since September and hyperventilating all Dec about the stress of it all, when it’s pretty much a matter of buying some presents, and buying and cooking some extra food?’.

[Obviously I get why it is stressful if there’s very little money to stretch for this.]

MissBuffyAnneSummers · 24/12/2023 09:07

They are always so smug. 🥱

margotrose · 24/12/2023 09:08

But even that’s disingenuous, because what they really mean by “I don’t get why you’d put yourself through all of that for one day” is “If you do things differently to me, you are doing it wrong”.

That's not what I mean when I say it 🤷‍♀️

I mean "I genuinely don't understand why you would choose to do all these unnecessary things only to bitch about how stressful it is".

By all means do whatever you like, but don't then complain about how awful and stressful it is.

mangochops · 24/12/2023 09:10

Having said that, the Chrismas ones specifically have made me realise I do like things a certain way! So I suspect I am just as bad!

Oh so do I, but I couldn't give a flying toss if others do things differently. Their choices don't affect me so it seems pointless to get so wound up over what others do, you know? To me, it just seems wasted energy and if what others do is making people feel angry then I would argue they are pretty unhappy about something inside and venting it at others is a way of letting out that unhappiness "safely" when really, its about something else entirely.

Moreorlessmentallystable · 24/12/2023 09:11

Are you saying people should not write posts in a certain way, that is a shortcoming of theirs, that they are stupid and that they should just do it your way and everything will be better? 😂

Almondmum · 24/12/2023 09:17

I often think there should be a 'i don't understand why people are different to me' forum on Mumsnet. Especially at Christmas.

I don't think they're all just a way of having a dig at others, I do think some people genuinely can't get their heads around others liking things they don't like or doing things they wouldn't do. Perhaps they have quite a small circle of acquaintances who are all very similar to them.

Janieforever · 24/12/2023 09:20

I use this, and generally I mean it in “it’s inexplicable why you do , feel, behave or put up with, x’

i do not mean it in such a way that I am struggling to understand the concept, simply it’s a polite way of saying wtf.

thedamnseason · 24/12/2023 09:21

Janieforever · 24/12/2023 09:20

I use this, and generally I mean it in “it’s inexplicable why you do , feel, behave or put up with, x’

i do not mean it in such a way that I am struggling to understand the concept, simply it’s a polite way of saying wtf.

It's not really polite though, it comes across as passive aggressive and judgy.

ClottedCreamScone · 24/12/2023 09:26

Pipistrellus · 24/12/2023 09:00

Do the others actually want the end result that she wants though? Or would they be happy with a simpler Christmas? I find it more work to help at a family Christmas with someone who wants everything a certain way than to do it with just my children and myself at home.

Show quote history

That’s a valid question and of course if nobody wants the effort (including the person making it) then they should consider stopping.

But I think often, yes, others do want it. The kids want the elf on the shelf, the pile of exciting presents, the tree, the visits to Santa. Dad does want the big, fancy meal, the guests invited to stay, the atmosphere of joy and excitement. Parents do want to come round and be greeted at the door with a sherry and a mince pie and ushered into a tidy, nicely decorated home. the difficulty is that often all of the work in creating that falls on one woman, and when it does, rather than saying in faux astonishment ‘I simply can’t understand why you do it that way’ it’s more empathetic and decent to say (to her) ‘that’s a huge amount of work and you have done an amazing job, your family are lucky to have you’ and (to the adut(s) not helping) ‘you lot need to start pulling your weight’.

Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter · 24/12/2023 09:29

I agree.
'I don't understand' shouldn't be used to essentially say 'why aren't you doing it the way I am?', 'it' being Christmas or whatever other random topic come up.
The reality is that we don't have to understand what everyone else does, or why, as long as it's legal and not unkind.

Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter · 24/12/2023 09:30

Janieforever · 24/12/2023 09:20

I use this, and generally I mean it in “it’s inexplicable why you do , feel, behave or put up with, x’

i do not mean it in such a way that I am struggling to understand the concept, simply it’s a polite way of saying wtf.

There isn't a polite way of saying wtf to someone though.