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AIBU?

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Original poster

Choosing my own Xmas presents

40 replies

chihuahuafairy · 24/12/2023 06:38

Is it acceptable to choose and order my own Xmas presents from my dh?Joint finances and tight budget. I order what I want/need for Xmas. This year will be new boots,jumper a pretty little hair clip,handbag and some pjs. All stuff I need and cheaply priced.i have a lot of free next day delivery passes and voucher codes with these websites. Dh thinks its a bit rubbish I have no suprises and he doesn't get to choose,but he likes to buy more expensive brands that I don't see the value in and also left to his own devices will get stuff I really don't need so it seems a waste of money!

OP posts:
Carrot678 · 24/12/2023 06:41

To me it defeats the whole concept of a gift?

NashvilleQueen · 24/12/2023 06:43

Sensible and avoids disappointment and money regret. I'd do it this year and maybe say he can spend up to £10 on something else you haven't chosen.

rochenutty · 24/12/2023 06:43

you need our permission? 🤔

anyway, i’m a single parent. Every year my ex transfer £50 to me to buy myself something, which i then pass to him, which he then passes to our daughter and says he bought this for me and she can wrap and give.

works well and win win for all!

Original poster
chihuahuafairy · 24/12/2023 06:46

NashvilleQueen · 24/12/2023 06:43

Sensible and avoids disappointment and money regret. I'd do it this year and maybe say he can spend up to £10 on something else you haven't chosen.

I did say he could choose me an extra present last year and he went to b and m on Xmas Eve and bought me an electric toothbrush 🤣🤣

OP posts:
rochenutty · 24/12/2023 06:48

it’s christmas eve

bit late to be navel gazing about this?

Unabletomitigate · 24/12/2023 06:48

I think your way is a great solution. We all moan about excess, plastic tat, waste and the environment but that all goes out the window 'because it is Christmas'. You are getting things you want, and actually need for Christmas, sticking to your budget and saving him the hassle. He can buy you a nice box of chocolates or something else if he feels the need.

Ragwort · 24/12/2023 06:48

I agree with you .. but I have never liked or wanted 'surprises'. Some people like surprises and some don't, I hate the waste of money on unwanted or unappreciated gifts. And the fake 'thank you it's lovely comments'. I know I rarely get it right when choosing gifts and would much rather someone asks for exactly what they want or buys their own.

And I say this every year ... but I volunteer in a charity shop and the amount of obviously unwanted gifts charity shops receive after Christmas is huge .. most charities even produce special posters appealing for the unwanted stuff !

ElvenDreamer · 24/12/2023 06:49

DH and I have done similar for years OP. We usually send each other some links, that way there is an element of choice for the giver to select which ones they want to gift but it's not been unknown for us to hand each other the things to wrap. Works for us, as you say, no waste that way, and we don't really need surprises. That being said, often a little extra thing will be bought aswell.

How about giving him links to a few things to choose from another Christmas? That way he'll feel like he has some choice, plenty of people enjoy choosing and surprising people so, while I agree with you on a practical level, it may just be that element he feels he's lost.

PuttingDownRoots · 24/12/2023 06:52

DH and I do this! It started as he wanted some motorbike gear. He needed to try it on, check specifications etc. It made more sense if he went to the shop than me or both of us with two small kids...

We often just pass over a pile of stuff to wrap. We do the stocking ourselves (or DDs help now they are older) and DDs also choose little gifts for everyone else.

Its joint money, we get exactly what we want/need.

drivinmecrazy · 24/12/2023 06:53

I've bought my own gifts this year. The first DH will know is when he wraps them.
I suggested a few weeks ago that he did the same. He said there was nothing he wanted.
Was sorely tempted to leave it at that but I caved.
So I bought my own gifts and his.
Still better than him doing a Christmas Eve dash to get me the same perfume he's bought me for years, which admittedly is an expensive purchase, but feels like a real cop out.
So now I buy said perfume in duty free 😂

MintJulia · 24/12/2023 06:54

I'm single mum and years ago when ds was little he got upset that Santa had brought him more things than for me, so he kept trying to give me his presents. Very sweet.

Ever since, I've bought myself a small pile of things - make-up, chocolates, socks, undies, books, and put them under the tree from Santa. And it stuck. Now I look forward to relaxing the budget once a year and spending a little on myself. And ds can enjoy his presents without worrying 😊

Do whatever works for you.

Original poster
chihuahuafairy · 24/12/2023 06:56

drivinmecrazy · 24/12/2023 06:53

I've bought my own gifts this year. The first DH will know is when he wraps them.
I suggested a few weeks ago that he did the same. He said there was nothing he wanted.
Was sorely tempted to leave it at that but I caved.
So I bought my own gifts and his.
Still better than him doing a Christmas Eve dash to get me the same perfume he's bought me for years, which admittedly is an expensive purchase, but feels like a real cop out.
So now I buy said perfume in duty free 😂

Yes I've bought his presents too! And gave him mine to wrap yesterday! Asked him for the past month what he wanted but he said he didn't know so I've chosen for him. And if he wants to return or exchange them that's absolutely fine!

OP posts:
Original poster
chihuahuafairy · 24/12/2023 07:00

rochenutty · 24/12/2023 06:48

it’s christmas eve

bit late to be navel gazing about this?

Edited

Not at all! This is his Xmas shopping day of choice when buying presents for me! 🤣

OP posts:
BurntOrangeAutumn · 24/12/2023 07:14

If you really need stuff I think this is a great idea! Or he gives you his card & a set amount to spend & you shop the sales on boxing day online so you can get even better value?
I've done this before when I've actually needed stuff & was happy.
Other years he's surprised me (like this year)

BurntOrangeAutumn · 24/12/2023 07:15

chihuahuafairy · 24/12/2023 06:46

I did say he could choose me an extra present last year and he went to b and m on Xmas Eve and bought me an electric toothbrush 🤣🤣

Show quote history

Oh no, definitely take charge this year!

rochenutty · 24/12/2023 07:47

chihuahuafairy · 24/12/2023 07:00

Not at all! This is his Xmas shopping day of choice when buying presents for me! 🤣

Show quote history

yes but you are talking about free delivery codes

rochenutty · 24/12/2023 07:48

Have you got all this stuff already and used the delivery codes?

or are you planning on buying today and then getting after christmas?

Original poster
chihuahuafairy · 24/12/2023 07:52

rochenutty · 24/12/2023 07:48

Have you got all this stuff already and used the delivery codes?

or are you planning on buying today and then getting after christmas?

No I've already bought and had delivered

OP posts:
rochenutty · 24/12/2023 07:59

ah so he wants to add to it by getting you a surprise

so… let him go and spend a tenner on something similar to a budget electric toothbrush - won’t blow the bank, will appease him, and then give to charity in the new year 🤷‍♀️

rochenutty · 24/12/2023 08:01

I did say he could choose me an extra present last year and he went to b and m on Xmas Eve and bought me an electric toothbrush

but you say he buys you “expensive brands”?

Just send him off and say surprise me and if anything like last year… he will won’t break a ten pound note

Original poster
chihuahuafairy · 24/12/2023 08:11

rochenutty · 24/12/2023 08:01

I did say he could choose me an extra present last year and he went to b and m on Xmas Eve and bought me an electric toothbrush

but you say he buys you “expensive brands”?

Just send him off and say surprise me and if anything like last year… he will won’t break a ten pound note

Yes I had my main presents chosen by me so told him to get me a little something (cheap) to go with, so he got the toothbrush. For example this year wanted a pair of Ugg style boots. He says he'll get me the real ones. Can't really justify the price difference for what they are! Or a perfume must be nicer if it's more expensive even it's not a scent I like

OP posts:
rochenutty · 24/12/2023 08:12

just say

“tenner budget and see what you can wow me with!”

he took you at your word (very much so!!) last year so my guess is… he will do the same this year

thedamnseason · 24/12/2023 08:13

Why don't you do a list (with links if helpful) with plenty of stuff for him to choose from and he can also get you a couple of surprises too?

rochenutty · 24/12/2023 08:14

all very well saying that you want to buy something expensive and a surprise

but then waiting until christmas eve morning to actually start thinking about it

when the exact same thing happened last year

i’d be tempted to call his bluff and say “go for it - surprise me”

and see what he actually gets you!

TheTurn0fTheScrew · 24/12/2023 08:23

I did this for my birthday last year. Not intentionally, but had one of those days when you nip out to get something specific and found that for once there was loads I liked in the shops. Texted H to ask if he wanted me to do my own birthday shopping, and he bit my hand off. Never had better presents 😁

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