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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this a CF thing for SIL to do?

64 replies

pinkfones · 23/12/2023 19:14

MIL was round today to drop presents over for the kids, we did a little buffet and had a drink etc.
Then SIL turns up with presents (even though we are seeing them on the 27th anyway to exchange/open presents with their kids and ours etc anyway)
"Oh is mum here we didn't realise!"
So DH invites them in and they say yes.

Turns out they DID KNOW MIL was here, and MIL and them had planned it so they could all spend time together at our house.

Our house is small, and we didn't want a big event, especially seeing as we're seeing them anyway just after Xmas.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
pinkfones · 23/12/2023 21:22

Think we will cancel on the supposed next meet up. However.. we didn't exchange gifts today for that reason, maybe DH can drop them round!?

OP posts:
Greenpolkadot · 23/12/2023 21:22

Arrange to do something else on 27th now

Floralnomad · 23/12/2023 21:27

I don’t understand why this is such an issue , they are family and you were in anyway .

Luxell934 · 23/12/2023 21:34

Shocking behaviour. You should really go no contact with the whole of your husbands family for this OP such cheeky fucker behaviour.

Anyway…back in the real world, it’s Christmas, they are your husbands family and they dropped around to see you and your MIL. I honestly don’t see the big deal. I really don’t understand how people cope in the real world when they are so offended at every little thing.

OrigamiOwls · 23/12/2023 21:35

That is cheeky of them. If they want to have a gathering they should arrange it at their own house.

MoserRothOrangeandAlmond · 23/12/2023 21:39

It's such a non event. It's your husbands sister! It's your niece/nephews!
It's not really a host event!

Quite often if my MIL pops around, my sis in law is looking for her/wants to give her something she comes to my house! It's nice to see my nephew as well! No invites needed.
My niece rang me from my sisters phone yesterday asking if she could come around....5 mins notice as they were 5 mins away.....yes of course! Come around!!
Why on earth would you cancel the 27th?

Santaiswashinghissleigh · 23/12/2023 21:41

Get dh to drop them off. His dsis. He can see her twice! You have served your time op!!

Tourmalines · 23/12/2023 21:43

I’ve discovered a few things on MN, one is there are quite a few hostile families around.

Marwoodsbigbreak · 23/12/2023 21:56

I would hate this too. Don’t go on 27

Thisreallyisntmyproblem · 23/12/2023 21:58

Fivepigeons · 23/12/2023 19:19

I don't let people in my home unless they've run by me that they are coming (unless it's an emergency obv)
I don't give a shit how they react to that.
So no I don't think yabu. I would not have invited her in.

I don't believe that you really turn away family members unless they have sought permission beforehand. Must be a very lonely existence.

@pinkfones was it just your SIL? One extra person? Or a whole group?

Flowersfield · 23/12/2023 22:05

Do you still have to see them on the 27th now?

ElfieMcElfFace · 24/12/2023 02:53

I don't know why you're getting a hard time from some posters. The fact your in-laws lied proves they knew they shouldn't have done it.

Goodlard · 24/12/2023 02:58

pinkfones · 23/12/2023 21:22

Think we will cancel on the supposed next meet up. However.. we didn't exchange gifts today for that reason, maybe DH can drop them round!?

I would, you will only make the next meeting difficult!

Full of Christmas cheer!

GimpMasksAndWagonWheels · 24/12/2023 06:03

TwentyThreeFifteen · 23/12/2023 19:18

Why is it just SIL who is CF if MIL also planned this?

Don't forget the BIL, he's in on it too... but why is it just SIL that's offended the OP?!

Guavafish1 · 24/12/2023 06:08

where is your Christmas spirit?

Kedece2410 · 24/12/2023 06:19

I dont get this way of thinking. You were hosting today anyway, they're family, so you had an extra few folk there, is it really that big a deal. Would you have felt the same if it was your parent & sibling

Cancelling the 27th is just petty

Folk on here really hate in laws don't they

Nazzywish · 24/12/2023 06:38

If you'd been more welcoming then they wouldn't have had to lie!

Nazzywish · 24/12/2023 06:42

I think you should return all gifts, go NC and never seen them again. Tell DC how awful they are for popping in to gift them something, and then Leave your partner whilst your at it for being the son of such a awful woman and brother to another. Just how dare 3 people turn up with no prior contact!

Threadreplier · 24/12/2023 06:49

Wow. Mountain out if molehill. It's not ideal, but it's christmas! Don't cancel 27th and make it into a family feud. Life is too short. You never know when it's your last Christmas as a full family. You'd prepared for mil, they were probably just trying to spare additional prep/food for a bigger gathering.

RedHelenB · 24/12/2023 06:53

I think you need to enjoy being hospitable a bit more. Personally the more the merrier round Christmas.

BMW6 · 24/12/2023 07:33

It's irritating that they tried to lie about it, but they've been caught out to their embarrassment, so I don't get why you're so cross?

Is there a background to this?

tokesqueen · 24/12/2023 07:37

I get you OP. We rarely saw our SIL and BIL and two DC without PIL pushing in when the DC were little. And vice versa.
We're having our Xmas lunch with them all tomorrow, and then on Boxing Day the six of them are having another together.
Enmeshed.

ExtraOnions · 24/12/2023 07:37

My siblings and I do this with my mum, as she’s incredibly hard work. We will just “happen” to call in at the same time, as it’s “safety in numbers”

Maybe your ILs feel the same way, as you do sound like hard work

Mrgrinch · 24/12/2023 07:50

Jesus Christ it's Christmas, do you really have to be so miserable?

Sodndashitall · 24/12/2023 07:54

So I get it wasn't what you wanted but was it a PITA? Did it cause you stress upset or anxiety? Or was it OK despite it all?
If the latter then suck it up and just next time say you'd rather they let you know plans in advance. If it was a real problem for you then get DH to speak to them and explain that this was not on and not to do again.
Either way it's done now !

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