AIBU DH can’t handle time with family

[peacockshrimp]

Hi all,

This is a bit of a tough one, but I feel lost on where I stand and can use different pov.

DH and I have a three year old and a four month old. I’m currently on mat leave but otherwise we both work full time in demanding jobs - his a lot more demanding and he earns x4 what I do. As a result, I’m usually alone with the kids, as we have no family in the UK.

DH is home after bedtime so doesn’t tend to see the kids on weekdays, I’m struggling alone especially now that it’s harder to spend time outside, and decided to spend two months back home with family. While he of course doesn’t like it, DH is aware I had a horrid time on my first mat leave alone, and ‘fine’ with me and kids being away.
He is currently with us for Christmas for a two week break and it’s not going well. He isn’t used to being around family or how challenging it is to take care of an energetic three year old + baby. He is very unhappy and complaining constantly. I’m finding it hard to deal with his emotional state and resentful of his attitude- it’s obviously tough but people do have children and carry on without outbursts etc.

Question is… am i forcing an unfair situation on him by being here with family, and therefore he’s right to be upset, or am i rightfully resentful of his attitude?

Good grief, Op. For the first two years, my dad used to nip home on his lunch break to see me, that’s how involved he was. My DP would have done the same with our DC if he could. Best case scenario your H is one of those people who is just better with older kids. But will you really be able to forgive him for these incredibly tough years?

This. Stop pandering to him

Thanks everyone, really appreciate the povs and food for thought.
H is definitely still getting used to life with dc, and we’ve discussed we will be hiring help to make up for his absence. Things are better with older ds and they have started doing things together. He does cover tidying up (obsessively, to show home level, every night) and cooking for us on the weekends. We have been together for almost twenty years funnily enough, but having children is definitely a different ball game, our relationship is not recognisable to me.