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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

We live in London yet DP doesn’t know where to take DC…

45 replies

Eastie77Returns · 23/12/2023 15:34

..on a day out.

I don’t think that kids need to be out and about at all times and it’s perfectly fine for DC to spend a lazy day at home every now and again. However whenever DP has the kids on his own (for example today I’m out all day helping a sick friend) his default is to spend the entire day indoors. DC do not even get dressed. I have to cajole him into taking them anywhere. Today after calling home and discovering they were still indoors at 3pm (and hearing them screaming and arguing in the background as they are bored) I persuaded him to take them to the library - a 15 minute walk away - and he grumbled.

What pisses me of is the fact we live in a city with literally hundreds of things for kids to do. He complains about cost but lots of things are free. Even things that initially have a cost are pay for themselves. For example, take them once to the British Transport Museum and then get free entry for a year.

He moans that it is tiring thinking of things to do and ‘dragging them out into busy central London’ but they are both young and so easy to entertain. I took them to the Tate yesterday, they did a Family Trail and then we walked to Westminster and took pictures of some touristy bits. Total cost was the bus and tube fare for one adult.

Yes sometimes they moan, argue and taking them out can be exhausting but that’s part and parcel of parenting!

AIBU to think this is just laziness, plain and simple on his part?

OP posts:

FalalalalalalalalalaLALALA · 23/12/2023 15:37

I can see it from both sides. I have children under 9 and live in London and I can’t always be bothered ‘going into town’, however, he should have them leave the house if only for a walk to the park, especially if they went to the Tate yesterday.

SALWARP2023 · 23/12/2023 15:37

Stop micromanaging him. Providing the kids are safe, leave him be. As they get older, he may enjoy taking them out more anyway.

christinarossetti19 · 23/12/2023 15:42

If the children were out all day yesterday, they were probably ready for a quieter day today.

I used to love being out and about in London with my little ones, but it's not everyone's thing.

But yes a trip to the library/park for general sanity preserving is important.

endofthelinefinally · 23/12/2023 15:44

I agree with you OP. You never get these years back again and there are so many great places to take them for free. It is just lazy. DH used to take our DC out whenever he got the chance and they really enjoyed themselves. Museums, parks, all free.

Whataretheodds · 23/12/2023 15:46

He moans that it is tiring thinking of things to do
HIBU

and ‘dragging them out into busy central London’
HINBU

WhateverMate · 23/12/2023 15:47

How old are they?

I'd make sure they were dressed but I wouldn't necessarily take them out if I didn't feel like it.

SausageCasseroles · 23/12/2023 15:49

They were out yesterday I don't blame him! We've been indoors today. Next few days will be really busy and after finishing work the last thing I want to do is be around crowds of people!

EmmaEmerald · 23/12/2023 15:49

Hi @Eastie77Returns <waves madly>

there's probably tons of local stuff as well. I understand not wanting to go central but having lived in five London boroughs, there's tons of stuff for kids to do.

WhateverMate · 23/12/2023 15:53

I've lived in London all my life and agree there's tonnes of stuff to do.

But the point is, he doesn't want to do anything and the OP shouldn't be micromanaging him.

I can't imagine my response if my DH decided to try and tell me what I should be doing with the kids, when he's not even there 😳

Elfon · 23/12/2023 16:00

My dp practically never takes the kids out on his own. He’s a homebody and doesn’t go out himself if it’s not necessary so the idea that he’d take the kids into central London would be totally mind blowing.

I think it’s fine. He loves them and enjoys spending time doing things like watching a film together. I never do that as use any time they’re quiet to get on with other things so I think we complement each other quite well.

ginasevern · 23/12/2023 16:13

Is his parenting style lazy? Does he talk to the kids, read to them, play games etc or just slob on the sofa whilst they run riot, unwashed and in their pjs? If this is the case then I can understand you wanting him to shift his arse.

Sirzy · 23/12/2023 16:16

After a busy day yesterday and with Christmas Eve tomorrow I don’t see the issue with a quiet day.

yes he should do things with them but they don’t need to always be doing planned things!

mumsytoon · 23/12/2023 16:20

What is this obsession about taking them out everyday / kids everyday ? They seem to have had a full day yesterday so why the need to go museum trailing. I live in London with hundreds of things but I don't do something everyday. Why? I want to rest as well. We had 3 days out this week and we'll have 4 at home finding something to be busy with. Can't your kids play with their stuff at home?

Original poster

Eastie77Returns · 23/12/2023 16:29

DC are 8 & 10.

Ok so I mentioned yesterday as an example of activities that are free and fairly easy to do because he complains taking them out is costly, complicated etc

I understand the argument that today it’s fine for them to stay in as they had a busy day.

But my point is that in general he doesn’t make an effort to do anything with them. Ever. The only time he does is if I make the arrangements, book the tickets etc. I’m not micromanaging him but if I didn’t do that they’d miss out? For example, they wanted to see a space related exhibition that was ending. I asked him to take them when I was working. Immediate no because getting to Kensington is tricky, the tickets are too much…so I booked the tickets and then showed him on the TFL planner that it’s easy to get to Kensington station. Talked him through it as if he is 5 years old. He sat there slack jawed with indifference. The whole issue was he is just bone lazy He travels to Kensington & Chelsea for work, he KNOWS how to get there. Money is not an issue for him.

@EmmaEmerald @FalalalalalalalalalaLALALA honestly if he took them for a walk to the local forest that would be fine. We are East London / Essex borders - plenty to see and do locally. No expectation that he goes into central London

OP posts:

notagainagainagainnotagain · 23/12/2023 16:32

Difficult to say if YBU without more info..

Original poster

Eastie77Returns · 23/12/2023 16:34

mumsytoon · 23/12/2023 16:20

I’m not talking about every day. Yes, they play at home with their toys. But I’m not happy with them spending their entire day in pyjamas, stuck in the house and not getting so much as a breath of fresh air while DP sits on his arse doing Sudoku every time he has them on his own. If something happened to me what would the rest of their childhood look like?

OP posts:

Theredjellybean · 23/12/2023 16:40

OP - i am with you, its not so much about you wanting them out doing stuff everyday and never letting them have a quiet day at home...its the fact you know when with him they do nothing.
If he was into doing stuff at home - craft/games/walks etc then fine but just basically ignoring them all day is very slack idle parenting.

my dexh was the same, the kids would then moan at me when i got home from work that they were bored ..and worse they would want to see or do something such as a new movie coming out and i would tell me dexh to take them and he would agree and i would get home and they had not gone excuses ranged from ' oh we were all fine here' ( no the dcs said they were bored and waiting to go to cinema) to 'we were tooo busy' ..err doing what exactly

it is learned incompetency so you make up for it on your days by doing all the trips out stuff

msbevvy · 23/12/2023 16:42

I spent a year unable to get out and about due to a severe back problem when our kids were aged 5 and 7.

I was very fortunate because My DH took them out on his own every weekend to various London museums, swimming, parks etc. A favourite thing to occupy them for a while was going back and forth on the Woolwich Ferry!

SnowyPetals · 23/12/2023 16:49

I would find this really irritating too, mainly the issue that he won't do anything unless you serve it up to him on a plate. It doesn't matter really what they do, just something as opposed to being indoors all day. He seems very lazy, does he take them to after school/ extra curricular activities or do you have to do all that too?

EmmaEmerald · 23/12/2023 16:49

@Eastie77Returns I understand, today was a nice day for a forest walk as well.

sounds like he doesn't engage generally.

sidebar - really decent of you to help a sick friend. After moving, my support network is not what I thought, so I'm really worried about that sort of thing. You give me hope!

ActDottie · 23/12/2023 16:49

Yanbu but I wonder if part of it is a confidence thing? There’s certain things my husband used to not do and I realised it was more because he had no idea how to. Once I showed him he was happy to then do the things.

Goldbar · 23/12/2023 17:28

YANBU. He doesn't need to drag them into central London if that's not his thing but children do need to be "aired" frequently to prevent them going mouldy. Even if he just takes them to a cafe for a hot drink and then a walk/scoot in the park.

Original poster

Eastie77Returns · 23/12/2023 17:33

@Theredjellybean yes it’s exactly that, learned incompetency. Funnily enough the cinema was a recent flashpoint as well. He was meant to take them to see a film but it didn’t happen because by the time he left the house and waited for the bus the film had already started🙄

@SnowyPetals he takes DS football training (mainly because he is somewhat delusional and is convinced DS is the next Harry Kane) and also takes both DC swimming. I often have to do pick up/drop offs because he is disorganised and leaves late. He has a driving license and is on my insurance but refuses to drive. That’s another thread.

OP posts:

jay55 · 23/12/2023 17:37

At this time of year it's not difficult to hop on a bus and look at some Xmas lights.

Original poster

Eastie77Returns · 23/12/2023 17:42

ActDottie · 23/12/2023 16:49

Why would a grown man with no health or cognitive impairment need confidence to take his 8 and 10 year old children out?

OP posts:

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