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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

We live in London yet DP doesn’t know where to take DC…

45 replies

Eastie77Returns · 23/12/2023 15:34

..on a day out.

I don’t think that kids need to be out and about at all times and it’s perfectly fine for DC to spend a lazy day at home every now and again. However whenever DP has the kids on his own (for example today I’m out all day helping a sick friend) his default is to spend the entire day indoors. DC do not even get dressed. I have to cajole him into taking them anywhere. Today after calling home and discovering they were still indoors at 3pm (and hearing them screaming and arguing in the background as they are bored) I persuaded him to take them to the library - a 15 minute walk away - and he grumbled.

What pisses me of is the fact we live in a city with literally hundreds of things for kids to do. He complains about cost but lots of things are free. Even things that initially have a cost are pay for themselves. For example, take them once to the British Transport Museum and then get free entry for a year.

He moans that it is tiring thinking of things to do and ‘dragging them out into busy central London’ but they are both young and so easy to entertain. I took them to the Tate yesterday, they did a Family Trail and then we walked to Westminster and took pictures of some touristy bits. Total cost was the bus and tube fare for one adult.

Yes sometimes they moan, argue and taking them out can be exhausting but that’s part and parcel of parenting!

AIBU to think this is just laziness, plain and simple on his part?

OP posts:
Original poster
Eastie77Returns · 23/12/2023 17:43

@ActDottie to clarify, I’m asking that question in relation to my DP - not your husband.

OP posts:
Ladyj84 · 23/12/2023 17:52

Eh how odd no way would I tell hubby what to do with our 4. Some days they lay about and he plays with them other days they go off on what they call adventure days haha

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 23/12/2023 18:16

SALWARP2023 · 23/12/2023 15:37

Stop micromanaging him. Providing the kids are safe, leave him be. As they get older, he may enjoy taking them out more anyway.

This, and a say that as someone who grew up in SW1 and had been to pretty much every museum in London by the time I was 10.

You look after your dc your way. Let dh look after them his way. As long as they are safe and fed, do they really need two days out in a row?

Goldbar · 23/12/2023 18:18

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 23/12/2023 18:16

This, and a say that as someone who grew up in SW1 and had been to pretty much every museum in London by the time I was 10.

You look after your dc your way. Let dh look after them his way. As long as they are safe and fed, do they really need two days out in a row?

Show quote history

Perhaps not, but if he is the one always having the "lazy days", then he is stealing the OP's slack. What if both of them decided they never wanted to take the kids out?

Peepshowcreepshow · 23/12/2023 18:20

Agree going into town would be rubbish today, was absolutely HEAVING yesterday. But a run around up Hainault Forest would not hurt especially if they are likely to be in over the next few days. Prime the DC with options so they have opinions to offer though if you are near Kidspace you'll probably want to give that a swerve...

Original poster
Eastie77Returns · 23/12/2023 19:10

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 23/12/2023 18:16

This, and a say that as someone who grew up in SW1 and had been to pretty much every museum in London by the time I was 10.

You look after your dc your way. Let dh look after them his way. As long as they are safe and fed, do they really need two days out in a row?

Show quote history

The two day in a row thing is a red herring.
I’m talking about DP’s laziness in general, not specifically today.

DC are 8 and 10 and I can count on one hand the number of times he has bothered to organise anything for them.

DD is bored senseless when left with DP and dreads it when I leave. She is counting the days until she can go out on her own. DS sits glued to Netflix. I mean it’s a sad state of affairs.

I will complain and ‘micromanage’ him because it’s unfair on them.

OP posts:
Glowygoose · 23/12/2023 19:14

Your DP sounds soo lazy OP!!

My DP has been out 8am - 4pm with our 20 month old DD today and yesterday. He’s off work so planned days out with her unprompted whilst I worked.

She’s still in the stage of naps, nappies, prams, routine etc too so not easy.

But he’d have gone mad sat at home for 2 days straight with her. Admittedly today they were out Xmas shopping and running errands. Yesterday they went swimming and for something to eat.

It’s just basic parenting!!

I would actually be upset in your shoes because if you were to drop down dead tomorrow what kind of life would they have? Literally not leave the house until old enough to do so on their own?

PaminaMozart · 23/12/2023 19:33

Leaving two pre-teen children to their own devices for an entire day, inside the house, without any kind of interaction or stimulating activities is neglect.

He could have done arts and craft with them, baked a cake, do a Joe Wicks workout, read with them, played a boardgames or a card game, watched and discussed a documentary with them........ Children at their age are like sponges - they absorb and learn so much, given half a chance.

Your partner has abdicated his role as a parent. Why did he choose to have children if he cannot be bothered to engage with them?

Original poster
Eastie77Returns · 23/12/2023 19:39

Glowygoose · 23/12/2023 19:14

Your DP sounds soo lazy OP!!

My DP has been out 8am - 4pm with our 20 month old DD today and yesterday. He’s off work so planned days out with her unprompted whilst I worked.

She’s still in the stage of naps, nappies, prams, routine etc too so not easy.

But he’d have gone mad sat at home for 2 days straight with her. Admittedly today they were out Xmas shopping and running errands. Yesterday they went swimming and for something to eat.

It’s just basic parenting!!

I would actually be upset in your shoes because if you were to drop down dead tomorrow what kind of life would they have? Literally not leave the house until old enough to do so on their own?

This is my concern!

I’m assuming all of those who replied “aww leave him alone and let him parent in his way” think it would be fine if I was dead and DC were sat at home in their PJ’s every single weekend. Because this is DP’s ‘parenting’ style and he must be left to just get on with it🙄 God forbid a lazy dad is taken to task.

OP posts:
Rainbowqueeen · 23/12/2023 19:40

He sounds lazy and disinterested to me. Does he realise that in a few years they won’t be interested in doing anything with him and it’s important to build bonds now so that they can come back together after the tricky teenage years

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 23/12/2023 19:48

I think the problem is him getting all the quiet days at home so that you have to do all the days out?

Original poster
Eastie77Returns · 23/12/2023 19:51

DD loves baking and is thankfully at an age where she can safely do most steps on her own. She made some lovely muffins today.

@PaminaMozart DP grew up in a small town in Southern Europe and says he has no recollection of his parents doing anything with him. He was out all day playing. He didn’t do cultural stuff or even visit his country’s capital city until he was 21 and “it didn’t do me any harm”. Well that’s clearly a matter of opinion.

OP posts:
TomatoSandwiches · 23/12/2023 19:59

He just can't be bothered to parent, that's your job op, how dare you have expectations he should facilitate days out or engage with his own offspring.

TheOccupier · 23/12/2023 20:10

Ugh, YANBU. He doesn't have to take them into central London to do museums etc but if he can't even get them dressed and out to the nearest playground, that's pretty useless.

EmmaEmerald · 23/12/2023 20:23

@Eastie77Returns "He was out all day playing."

tell him he should understand the importance of being out playing and has to take them....

Glowygoose · 23/12/2023 23:01

@Eastie77Returns exactly! The only reason he can ‘get away’ with his ‘parenting style’ is because you physically take them places. If you had the same attitude would it be ‘parenting style’ or seen as neglect? I’m guessing the latter.

It’s fine he was raised not taken to places and many children aren’t taken to places if they have the luxury of living in an area with minimal traffic and kids can play out all day everyday. But that’s rare these days so you have to put in the effort or they wouldn’t leave the house outside of school.

PermanentTemporary · 23/12/2023 23:04

Ynbu because children should be dressed and getting out in the fresh air every day. Not to big attractions though; just out. Presumably you've got a park nearby or some places they could go to run around and climb things.

Elfon · 23/12/2023 23:06

Leaving two pre-teen children to their own devices for an entire day, inside the house, without any kind of interaction or stimulating activities is neglect.

This is a special kind of Mumsnet bonkers. They haven’t been locked in a concrete cell for god’s sake. They’ve had 1 day at home!

MyChristmasUsername · 23/12/2023 23:35

Well, I don’t live in London and I have at least 10 ideas just from visiting. Since you do, YANBU and he is being very unreasonable! How hard is it to google?

Original poster
Eastie77Returns · 24/12/2023 02:33

Elfon · 23/12/2023 23:06

Leaving two pre-teen children to their own devices for an entire day, inside the house, without any kind of interaction or stimulating activities is neglect.

This is a special kind of Mumsnet bonkers. They haven’t been locked in a concrete cell for god’s sake. They’ve had 1 day at home!

Of course it’s neglect. It’s common knowledge that failing to interact with your child in a meaningful way stunts their development.

And again, it’s not 1 day. It’s basically every time he has the kids on his own.

OP posts:
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